WarHams - Narrative Declaration

three two one go welcome welcome welcome back everybody to another episode of
i always forget every time we we did the so now we've done the fourth thing of this i always have
the panic go to obs go oh god i'm gonna yell and i have to like quickly bring the slider down so it
doesn't destroy everyone's ears every time we have a problem zorin you tell us to yell and
you're not prepared for us to yell now i told you to say something neat or funny but you all
yelled instead i have the recording i have the receipts you can't prove that we're still
how do i know you didn't deep fake that zorin
that's a that's a good that's a good point there but
we are we are here for warhams everyone welcome everyone back to another episode of warhams i
am your host zorin the bear and i would like to introduce you to our lovely you know contestants
here i'm going to kind of go and start bringing around the horn here and tell you who your
players are first off playing our luscious qatari is speaker d hello i am one of the
lead writers for if the emperor had a text-to-speech device i'm the voice of the emperor
an astrobot wrecked and today my character is the perfidious pie brain and on next up we have
resident medic the inquisitorial acolyte who is played by barndill and i am also a lead writer
i'm one of the two lead writers on if the emperor had a text-to-speech device i do voice acting bits
and i am indeed playing this reeve van horn and he has a very blasted back hairstyle you cannot
ask him for tips
he is very good at his job do not do not ask him and captain of the ship is
hulky crow i am a voice actor for the emperor had a text-to-speech device i currently play
cave on shrike and i will be playing captain zedek the uh perpetually challenged captain
and of course the one leading us to our doom is our luscious gang master
thurston hillman if we could all give him a little just clap round of applause or something
uh hi um i look forward to uh to the next arc in our ongoing misadventures uh now that we have
finished the rattling arc who knows what alpha and i have cooked up for the next arc but it's
going to start today and you can all find our uh all our information down in the little boxes
there below which will now be just apparent and welcome everyone back to warhams if you have not
been here before allow me to introduce you to what this is and i'm going to be talking about
kind of overly stuff does and if you're listening to us on audio welcome back we hope you enjoy your
drive home for this basically three-hour adventure so as you may have noticed you guys can help
contribute to the show and we prioritize fun than someone's wallets here so once these uh things are
filled up that's as far as they're going we're not going to go over the glory die the wrath die
and the wrath die so the wrath dice you kind of see you can kind of look at my portrait here as
a wrath die this allows us to basically re-roll uh or not re-roll failed rolls basically if you
played like a normal tabletop 40k you know when you roll your d6s and the failed ones you want
to re-roll the fails that kind of allows us to do that do that for the tabletop system that we're
using which is wrath and glory made by cubicle 7 additionally we have um the bottom tier here
which are the glory die which are now going to be set to zero because we start every session
with none of these no glory
no glory but unfortunately our illustrious game master here starts with four which are the red
dice here which are called ruin dice he's able to use these to keep enemies alive and uh and i
we encourage him to try to mess this up because you jack can contribute to a lot of these and yes
i know one of the sly things are still inaccurate in terms of a typo leave me alone so basically
these things uh you can see on screen you are able to donate and contribute dice uh basically
to the game
so
this is a way you can kind of influence things and for our awesome patreon supporters uh we've
gotten uh complications we have lists for names to be a servitor in the show when servitors do show
up and a whole bunch of other stuff so we greatly appreciate you guys contributing to the show so
far you guys been absolutely amazing so we're going to pay for a ton of amazing art and amazing
assets that we were trying to get together to put on for the show so that's majority of the
preamble stuff and as a last reminder if you guys help us out and get to back to a thousand current
viewers we'll see you next time bye bye
on twitch we're giving away some stuff so i greatly appreciate if you guys spread the word
one of the best ways to kind of help out with the show is basically telling your discord folks
spreading it all around giving people a heads up and because we would like to basically uh
kick some butt and everything else is more uh than a single rule book for the thing we're
probably just gonna do one single rule book for now just to make sure we can get that system right
but i think we'll just start making them more regular once we hit that bit so every single
time we hit it we give one away so with that i think that's the majority of the stuff we're going to do
we have along with we are not experts at a whole bunch of uh table opportunity games even though
our game master thurston hillman is a absolute legend in terms of technology field due to all
his experience we can still get things wrong so if you notice if we're playing right thing
glory and we mess up a rule or he did something wrong or something it's either for a narrative
purpose so we can just move along with the show we're not you know because we are under a time
limit here and try to bring in as much funnies as possible but please be aware we are probably
gonna mess up a rule here and there and please uh inform us on our twitter account at at warham
show on twitter if you notice something we did egregiously wrong so we can fix it in the future
we're still there's still bits and bobs of every tabletop rpg games we may miss so with that i
think that's all we had to say for the day and thurston hillman what do you have for us today
you stole my you stole my usual intro bit about the rules thing you thief i'm trying to make the
beginning intro things a little bit shorter so we don't have to do it again and again and again and
so alpha doesn't sit there and hate us well i have one thing that i do want to quickly mention
we had some questions about it before we jump right in um our players got some experience
of of the uh the lovely rattling arc we just came through all of our players ended up gaining
26 experience points experience in wrath and glory is a resource that can be spent to purchase
upgrades bday attributes skills talents that kind of stuff uh some of our characters um also
had some extra experience from the latest errata that wrath and glory put out so uh really quick
i'm just gonna gonna go down the horn here from everyone just to give a quick summary of what you
got that's new about your character with that experience and uh we'll start with my brain
yes do you want me to explain it or should you yeah yeah yeah you yeah just a quick summary
yeah very quick summary i will be exceedingly quick so pie decided to add
plus one to his weapon skill giving him a weapon skill of five he obtained the counter-attack talent
which makes him a more vertebral threat on the battlefield two points in the tech skill and one
point in scholar bam bam man horn what did you do or he spent his time studying because brain got
him a whole bunch of crap from the lord of science so he got two plus to scholar and i have to save
the rest because everyone else got some refunds on experience because errata is bullshit
and you got none from that errata
it's fine i got i got an extra two in scholar so that'll be helpful because now i'm still smarter
than pie good good uh captain zedek what do you got going on so being traumatized by being beaten
with various cooking implements sausages and baguettes uh zedek goes to his quarters and
peruses his father's previous belongings and finds a very old piece of imperial archaeo literature
uh the only title that survived was dance steps for space we don't know what came after space but
using this led a dance-based combat
workshop on the lido deck and now he can sidestep and is slightly better in melee combat excellent
and then that leaves me with the one i'm most worried about here horn what did you take uh
i i took more psychic powers and i so i'm a psycher and psychers are really weird in wrath
and glory and any warhammer 40k game and there's a talent that allowed me to basically go into
another psychic discipline and i really wanted this spell called wall of flame which is over
powered as hell but we decided not to take it but instead i got a psychic power called molten beam
and i think and the other one was a flame breath so i basically can vomit flame from a distance
and i can look at someone really hard and melta beam them to death so it's going to be
super exciting being able to just look at someone and just and just destroy them so i'm super
excited
soren you are not a bright wizard calm down wow not yet
working towards it working towards it all right cool perfect i just wanted to go over that so
everyone knew because our players advance as they get some downtime between their adventures and
downtime they have so we begin our adventure uh with a bit of a recap uh our glorious band of
pcs have managed to escape the world of fartham four after being chased by a band of cannibal
ratlings uh at the end of that we have a band of pcs who have managed to escape the world of
fartham four after being chased by a band of cannibal ratlings uh at the end of that we have a band of
pcs who have managed to escape the world of fartham four after being chased by a band of cannibal ratlings
they managed to secure a host of 1 000 ratlings willing to be trained as soldiers
for the ongoing crusade which have now been uh bunked in the lower decks of the deck collector
they've also secured various foodstuff supplies uh led by the new planetary capital of happy
feastings and its subsidiary farm of meat place alpha yes and uh the players have also captured
the divine lord of science who is now imprisoned on board the death collector uh and and the
at the end of last session uh reeb had managed to with some jumper cables bring the original
emissary group's engine seer back to life though she is now on critical support in the death
collector's medicaid wing uh where we last left at the end of our previous adventure
uh the pcs have received a signal uh communication from one slyburgo de fuckerby who had caused the
cannibal insurrection on the planet and then escaped into the warp
on board his ship to report back to catch a van nord and beat the pcs so from there the death
collector has entered the warp and is making its way back to uh the rendezvous point with catch a
van and this kind of brings us to where we're at uh traveling through the warp on board the debt
collector so with with that the warp warp travel can take some time it can take days it can take
weeks it can take years who knows so everyone has this sort of
terminated amount of time to enjoy themselves on board the debt collector however the first thing
that i believe has happened um handled by by one lorne and pi brain is that uh tater tot everyone's
favorite small rattling child has been uh placed into servitor daycare if i'm not mistaken
it is a hard decision to make lawn but it is the only one that is responsible after all i don't
want to take care of him
yes yes it is a um it is very unfortunate but we can't be toting a child around the entire time so
i do believe it would be best to put him in the servitor daycare i mean the servitor is usually
taken care of the same as babies anyway so he'll be fine yes and uh you know i have lots of important
stuff to do so i can't yell at tater tot every day yes yes i i believe we must uh you know put
him into the servitor daycare and then we can put him in the servitor daycare and then we can put him
into the servitor daycare and then we can put him into the servitor daycare and then we can put him
into the servitor daycare and then we can put him into the servitor daycare and then we can put him
he's nice and safe we'll check on him ever so often i believe play with blocks
what servitors that one who said that would be that would be the servitor designated as
appropriately hello son
thank you for that that page
does he just have like a like a giant side like a t-shirt
or something like over like a horrible awful like baby blue t-shirt with hella fun written on it
and the like decayed gray flesh showing underneath you just see him towering just like hello
he's wearing flip-flops and like khaki shorts with a beer gut with a with a blue shirt and
everything along with hello son uh there are three other servitors currently at servitor daycare i'd
like to uh to highlight uh theodran zydoc and the doorman i believe uh the doorman simply stands at
the door saying greetings anytime anyone comes in is he literally embodiment of the hitchhiker's
guide doors to be just set with his arm is plugged into a socket only destined to open
and close doors just one door maybe it's like even more grimdark maybe he's like physically
attached to the door and it's just this torso on a door is it like just like like a head sticking
out by like a long cylinder on top of a door frame and the door has like tiny little arms
every time it slides in it just he hits it out and goes inside the cavity for the door
yeah it causes him incredible pain to open it
and i will i will also say that theodran is responsible for the uh the crayon section
and uh zedoc is uh in charge of nap time this is a very efficient daycare that we have entrusted
tater talk to of course does he even have somewhere to live on the ship or he's yeah
permanently in the daycare this is this is basically just the enterprise except you know
hei's gonna be leaving
chuck 핵
and
he's on the ship
well
actually
what
did
over
here
yeah
Ryan
is
also
hello
and
in
victoria
yes
ow
i was
sweating
your
eye
my sculpting skills and i'm going to make a shitty bust of captain zedek photograph it oh my god
all right so with uh with the the tater tot servitor daycare established uh i would like
to quickly going down the list of the order i have established starting with uh with reeb van
horn reeb you've been in the warp uh probably coming up on a week now what have you been
spending your time mostly as as the uh the ship is going through reeb has mainly been
spending his time uh polishing the newfound femur bone which he took one hat you know he took both
the femur bones but he gave the good one to pie because pie was asking for it's like yeah sure
take it but he's been ensuring that his collection of morbid curiosities is well tended to of which
it consists of one very long femur bone but he's working on it and in addition to that he's been
checking up on the uh the miraculously alive i'm pretty sure she's more bullet hole than uh
seer at this point but you know he's just like he's part of his job he's like i've i brought you
back from the dead so you know i guess i better take good care and make sure that you do not die
again that would be very embarrassing for me so he's obviously been spending most of his time in
the med bay and tending to his collection and creating vaccines for potential plagues but
obviously none of them will be useful because who knows because who knows okay perfect perfect uh
pie brain what have you been doing with your time uh well pie brain
has gone on a marvelous adventure he spent the first half of this voyage making the horrible
servitors that have been making up servitor daycare for uh our dearest little man he if
doorman is an abomination it's probably pie's fault but um what else he's been doing is that
he decided that he wanted to go and get that femur bone gold plated so he went down to the depths of
the fucking manufactorum like inner reactor workings of the ship and ran into some of the
worker gangs and while he was getting the work done he was getting the work done and he was
getting his femur gold plated and metallic he saw like some worker gang like wars happening
and so he decided for like a recreational activity he would start hunting them for sport
and so every so often he just decides to go down there and just start hunting people like the
predator the fuck the what i'm sitting here trying to like
like steam elements and then all of a sudden i hear you're going general grievous on some
jedi the fuck happened yeah he's like he like he like went down there and they probably like
made fun of him like called him like weird bone boy and i took some umbrage with that so he just
decided you know what i will do i will stalk the shadows of the night and teach you opium
and that's what he's been doing for a couple days eyes like eyes turn red when he's in predator mode
yes he like shutters in the eyes just so it's like angry eyes and it's like no no no yeah yeah
turn red like they just get like like like uh shutters come down so like angry eye face how
about how about this instead your voice goes all christian bailey ah you are the one who i stalk in
the night where's scarecrow where's the bomb oh i don't think his voice would change at all or his
attitude i think he would just be like no that's no stop and that's like how he hunts people
it's like you're just in a dark alley and there's some worker that we're
heading to walking down with like i don't know some kind of bucket that they're holding and
just like every few steps now what was that what was that that bucket is done
all right that's that's interesting i'm glad we i'm glad we learned that no you're not next i am
my entire downtime activity is that i put on a mask and put on a cape and i am i am the beard
i am the bearded baron and i am hunting down this predator that has been stalking the
and i will bring this bastard the justice and i and it's just like we're both like we're i'm like
a superhero trying to help the weak and i'm just like an old man so i can't fucking do anything so
i'm using psychic powers to try to solve these mysteries going hmm i see that this one has been
eviscerated by something from the adeptus bacchaticus i wonder who that might be but
my aunt's nemesis must be nearby and i will just continue to hunt find oil stains
they're like oil drops on the floor and i taste it smells like skitari but it can't be him it can't
be my beloved comrade and i'll just keep hunting the halls that's my downtime activity while also
reading a book can i please interject and just say that sometimes like you guys will bump into
reem reeb when he's like looking for spare parts to give to the engine seer and you're both doing
your stupid little bit and he just says you know some of us have jobs you know i like i like
that but that's that that's what it was yeah on that note because that's why the
quietly
so
you
something
about
how
everyone
thing
in this top to see if we're living in a simulation.
All right.
Well, that's the thing.
Captain Zedek,
what have you been doing
during your downtime?
In my downtime, I've been checking up on
quite honestly anything but what
the tech priest has told me to check up on, knowing
that it will give her any ammunition to use against me.
So I've just been looking up
on the various cults that are running around
in the lower decks, almost certainly
endangering the ship, but also repairing it because
I don't know their motives.
Maybe on the topic
of daycare, making a little
bed in the corner for
the small child if he ever comes up and wants
somewhere nicer. But honestly, probably
just watching what's happening and just looking at the
security systems like, why are they hunting each
other? Why are they doing this?
We've lost three
people in two days.
Where have they gone? Who took them?
That way. I'm on the case.
I've run
away. Where is the music coming from?
I didn't authorize that. I'm doing it myself.
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
This is psychic music.
You just got a cat bed in the
ops section waiting for Tater Tot
to come up so we can go up like a fucking cat
and just sit there.
For his part, NetPi has no idea that
he is the person that Zedek is talking about.
And Captain Zedek
has this bed set up, and it's
very clearly like he just, every
time he comes into his office, he looks at it
longingly like, one day, one
day Tater Tot will come and visit me.
But no, he's just in servitor daycare.
I worry for
this child. I hope the dance class went
well. Those people didn't really do too good
in it. So where our adventure
begins, Lorne,
between your downtime,
there's been something
causing you quite a bit of
problem, and maybe why you haven't
found your nemesis on board the ship.
This ship
smells awful.
Like, the last
week, you've had trouble
sleeping because
this ship smells
so bad.
I've been having trouble sleeping because it smells so bad.
Thanks.
So, as you are trying to sleep...
I spark her brains in my room.
Okay, it doesn't work.
It's not fixing anything.
Continue on, Game Master. My bad.
You're good, you're good.
You've been just having
difficulty sleeping. It's causing
you to just be
more disturbed
than usual. This is supposed
to be a fairly relaxing trip
through the hellscape of the warp, but
it hasn't been, because every
time you take a moment to breathe,
you breathe in this awful
like, pungent
smell that, like,
is this
bouquet of
rancid cheese and
feats and all sorts of
other smells mashed together.
Ah, it smells like
all that things that got described
in my head.
I call, I immediately go to my...
Okay, what is my room? Do I have, like, a
closet or something?
Yeah, you probably just live in a closet.
Okay, just...
I leave my closet and get rid
of the brooms and the mops or whatever
out the deal. Anger, angry,
and I begin to march to Captain
Zedek's chambers.
Okay, at this point you would know that
Captain Zedek isn't in his
quarters, he would be in the strategium
at this point. Yeah, whatever that word is,
I go there. The bridge!
He's on the bridge! Yeah, that
thing. I go to it. Okay.
Yeah, so... I'm in, like,
I'm in, like, a nightgown. I'm in, like, that
nightdress thing with, like, the floppy
hat. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
absolutely. And you find
yourself coming up to the strategium with a bit
of a skeletal crew
working, and we see
standing on the bridge
is Lieutenant Ransom,
talking to Captain
Zedek. And I'm just
gonna share something
with everyone here. We've got some fancy new
artwork. Hey!
This is from Rude Rubicant. Her
Twitter is
rrrubicante, R-U-B-I-C-A-N-T-E.
She does
amazing art, and you're gonna love it.
Yeah, and so...
Very different from what I was expecting. Yeah!
Lieutenant Ransom is in this blue
naval uniform.
His hands are sort of out,
stretched, talking to Captain Zedek.
He has this almost kindly
grandfatherly appearance.
And, Lorne,
you're coming in almost as if on
cue to Ransom talking
with Zedek.
Sir! The smell has gotten worse
in the lower decks!
I don't know what the cause is.
I thought we sent a cleaning crew down there
two weeks ago, and they haven't
come back? We've sent three of them now, sir!
Oh, no. And we have another
problem related to this.
The... There's something worse than the smell?
The Rattlings are starting
to talk about it.
They're starting to talk?
Horrible news indeed.
Oh.
As you walk up in your, like, nightgown.
Yeah, this is some
bullshit, Zedek. I didn't... I paid
for a certain room, and while I'm in a
fucking closet, and two, your shit
stinks. The fuck?
One, you didn't pay for anything.
Two, this is my ship. And three,
you asked for that closet. Four...
Asked for shit! You gave... You put
me in there because you were scared it was gonna go
woogly-woogly magic on you.
You skittered in there and barricaded the
door! Yeah, cause you had guns
on me.
Needless
to say, I don't know where the source of the
smell is. We're trying to suss that out right now.
Apparently the Rattlings
themselves are starting to know about it, and the
hedonistic little bastards...
There's some rumors going on, sir!
It's not good. They're starting to
spread amongst the regular,
citizens.
The regular? What rumors?
The citizens.
Quotation marks.
They call themselves
citizens. I mean, we are a flying
city in space. We might as well call them citizens.
That's right. There are 26,000
people on board this vessel.
That's a little loud, Rattick. You probably need to
punk the numbers up. Ransom, what
are they talking about? What's the rumor?
I don't know. I don't fraternize
with lower-class citizens.
I just know that there are rumors.
Okay, Ransom, alright.
I have a job to do,
and I do it.
And you do your job
well, Ransom.
Do we have any leads on the source of the
smell? Can both of you, Lorne
and Captain Zedek, give me an
insight check, please?
Happily.
Sure can.
After I find where that is.
I love it! Yeah!
Oh, boy!
Captain Zedek starts off with a
complication.
Woo-hoo!
I am Lorne!
Complication city!
It's gonna be great.
Alright, so
Captain Zedek, you managed
to succeed the check, but there's a complication.
And Lorne, you just
completely whiff and get a complication.
That's my luck.
Don't worry.
It's fine.
It's fine.
I'm going to pull out
from some of our
lovely Patreon complications here.
And in fact, I have one that's going to be
really, really good here.
And I'm going to apply it to both.
Actually, no, I'll apply it to Lorne for this one.
He failed.
Oh, fuck you. I want him to suffer.
I'll get to him.
Hey, he succeeded. You failed.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't worry. We'll get to that as well.
So what's
going to happen here is,
real quick, Captain Zedek,
you notice, as Lieutenant
Ransom makes his commentary on
how he doesn't associate with
the lower citizens, all of
the crews at their stations
here, even though it's a skeleton ship, there's still
a couple dozen, they all share these
very worried glances
at one another. They are terrified
of this man.
And he runs a tight
ship on this bridge. So you recognize
there's a lot of, like, Ransom
is imposing order here.
Now, as far as complications
go, I'd like to thank
CryHavoc884
for this complication
that will apply to Lorne
called Sins of the Past.
The character suddenly remembers
a highly embarrassing moment from their past,
making social interaction
more difficult.
So, like,
as you're looking around, trying to gauge
things from, like,
the people in the room, how does that
complication fit?
I can't think of a good one.
Help me out here, everybody else.
What embarrassing thing should I remember
as Lorne? I'm full
willing to take whatever.
From the chat or from us?
You guys. I mean, you're
from Fenris. Yeah, from Fenris.
I'm an old man.
Things happen. Being from Fenris is pretty embarrassing.
I'm not gonna lie. I mean, that
is true. That is true.
Alright, we can go the whole
high school route. Go ahead.
I got it. Alright, you're looking at
Lieutenant Ransom.
Ransom is a silver
fox. He's an old man. He looks good, but he doesn't
have a beard. It reminds you of the time
when you were stuck in a forest filled
with nothing but red and yellow snow
and you had nothing to eat but your own beard
and you had to chew it up and eat
the substance and you just
reminded it of this horrible thing.
I start hugging my beard
and I'm just,
I start stinking
and I leave.
And I just
abandon the conversation, just
crippled fear, just hugging my beard
going, it's okay, I won't eat you.
It's okay.
I raise my finger to speak and I just put it down. I'm like,
no, no.
Not today.
And yeah, so you leave in a
complete huff, Lorne.
Captain Zedek, your
complication doesn't have an immediate
effect. You just feel this like
this shiver, like
something bad has happened. Like you saw
something as Lorne was leaving just
out of the corner of your eye in the door,
away and almost like you heard
a chuckle, like a
but that was it.
That's all. That's all you kind of
aside from succeeding and noticing
that your crew is terrified of your second
command. For a second
there, I think I saw Belba Creepfoot in the corner.
No.
Just waiting. Lorne, you have
exit, like, are you like leaving the bridge
and just leaving the conversation?
I'm still kind of nearby.
I'm just kind of more or less in a nearby
corner, just hugging my beard.
It's okay. They won't get you.
Are you, like, medically combing it?
Yeah, just like...
Sir, I
think that you may wish to
assemble your team and go and
meet with the Rattlings. They may have some
information, or at least we should stop these
rumors. They're bad for morale.
I mean, I suppose
we could.
Telling people you don't talk to them,
even though they're running the ship, also doesn't
help with morale, but you know what?
You're doing your job here, so I suppose
it's okay. Let
the crew know that I value all of
your positions and not letting us die to
psychic horrors.
Action. I'll summon the
Z-Team. I press like and button.
Oh god, Lorne, where did you come from?
I'm out of here now.
To the letter.
I will go over to the
Vox feed and get on the
comm system.
Okay. Where are you commsing to?
I'm commsing the entire ship, because
I don't know where the remaining three of them
are. I guess Lorne, he came back,
so he's fine. I'm here.
Hello.
Attention, Ambasadorum
Ambasadorum
Ambasadorum squad, it's
an early day for me. Report to
the bridge. We have a problem
again.
Pie
and Reeb, do you make
your way up there?
Yeah!
I'm in seven, so I guess I
gotta, I mean, I'll drop
whatever I'm doing, probably, and the collection
at this point, my collection of
one.
You're just sitting there, admiring the thighbone
and then you're like, ah, action!
Ah, time to move on.
Yeah, shortly after
you, like, both Pie
and Reeb, you show up on the bridge
as you do, you see, like, Lorne
standing by Captain
Zedek, furiously combing his
beard with his fingers.
Seems a bit
off compared to normal, but otherwise
okay. Um, yeah, and you
see, uh, Zedek, you see the other two coming.
Yeah, Pie is obviously covered in
blood, but
it's, like, otherwise just completely normal.
Hey, everybody!
Ah, ah, you know,
real good at all. I walk up and I rip
off my nightgown, it just reveals all my
armor and everything underneath, like, I'm fully
geared already, and I say, ah, here you go,
use this to wipe off the blood.
Ah, thank you!
Oh, you're welcome.
Just, just, just,
color wax.
Why are you covered in blood?
What? I don't understand.
There's some WD-40 here.
So anyway, what's going on?
Of course, of course, yeah.
Zedek, looking at this, pulls a small hip flask out of his coat,
drinks it to the bottom,
and puts it back in.
Well, thank you for coming, although I don't think you had a choice.
Uh, seems like the
smell on the ship is getting worse,
and apparently people are starting to
talk about it, so I guess
we have to do what the janitors can't,
and find the source of the problem.
I'm not going to ask why you're covered in blood,
I just assume that you're, you might be at this point.
Yeah!
But do any of you know anything more about the scent?
The stench?
I, I, I know it's stinky, and...
Besides the fact that it's a smelly smell that smells smelly.
Pirates, you, you have not had, like, any kind of experience with a tree.
It's a really, truly awful smell.
Pirates is a scent.
So this is the first time me and him were smelling this thing?
Yeah, absolutely.
Or just, just being told of it, you're not even smelling anything.
It's just being told that there's a smell.
All right, um, Reeb is going to think about this for a moment,
casually sniff the air, very audibly going,
Captain!
I'm going to, I'm going to very slowly approach the Captain.
Yes, Reeb?
Is it possible that your olfactory senses, i.e. your nose in this case, is, uh,
playing a bit of a trick on you, as I do not sense anything at the moment?
Well, I can tell you I haven't really noticed it as bad as the other crew members have,
although, it seems as though the ratlings,
the gross, hedonistic little bastards they may be,
have started to notice the smell on the lower decks, and are getting uppity about it.
I will not tolerate uppity ratlings after what we just heard.
I've just witnessed.
So it clearly must be bad.
All right, well, I suppose I can go ahead and get a round of testing going
to see if there's anything going on down there.
I could possibly test the air for the usual things, you know,
you know, just standard decay, you know, coolant leaks, Kung Pao penis, all that.
Eh? Huh?
What was that last thing you said, Reeb?
Yes, it's a type of dish that they were talking about.
It's something they sell.
I turn around to the hooded figure, and I,
all right, here's the money, he said it, and then I turn around
and watch it skitter into the shadows.
Some wretched form.
The pact is made.
It's something that ratlings make.
I do talk to them, you know.
Oh, my God.
They can talk?
You socialize with them?
Rarely.
I have to do medical rounds, you know.
I am the chief medical officer.
Well, we know.
Part of my job.
Not that neither of you two would know what that is.
What happened to the other Medicaid on the ship?
They're busy.
I have them tending to the Dengen Seer while I'm not doing that.
How do you know?
It's very difficult.
She is mostly dead, you know.
Captain Zedek, I have a question.
What?
What?
Can I be the chief of something?
Let me go down.
I'm going to pull out a data slate that's nearby and see if there's any openings.
I merely rushed up.
I rushed up to Zedek and I go like, look at this one.
Look at this one on the entry.
The chief of the sewer maintenance crew.
I don't think he'll like being the chief of the sewer maintenance.
Hey, Brain, do you want to go work in the subs and fix the problems that are down there?
We have subs?
No, sump.
The sump?
Yes.
The gross pipes that carry all the waste around the ship and I guess some water, but it's mostly reused.
Ah, water.
I miss the ocean.
Now I quit.
Okay.
Now, give me a good one.
I want to be like chief of red.
GM, can I make a, I suppose, scholar check to see what we have open on our crew roster?
I mean, you don't have to make a skill check.
You know what's available on your ship.
And generally speaking, you have the senior tech priest position filled.
You have your second in command filled.
You have your astropath.
You have your navigator.
All of those are filled positions.
Everything else is a little more battle royalish on this ship and maybe changes with the ebb and flow of the times.
I mean, with all these recent murders around, some random position might be open.
Maybe you should be chief of, I don't know, particle board.
I don't know.
What's a particle board?
To be the chief of everything that is colored red.
Don't let him do it.
You're wearing red.
He would supersede your orders.
Let's do this.
I have an idea.
Go ahead.
Okay.
I've been having trouble with our other tech priest on the ship.
Why don't you do me a favor?
Do me and eventually everybody a favor and find out how to fix the problems that she has.
Or at the very least, stop her from sending me her list of problems every time we go somewhere.
What, a fix?
I'm a great tech priest.
I'm so good at fixing things.
I'm sure it is not even worth my time, honestly, to talk to the other tech priestess about fixing things.
I'm sure she's doing a good job.
Yes, Reed.
Roll an insight to see what his tech skill is.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Please, please.
Also, as you're doing that, I'm just waiting at some point for Discord to kind of like go blorp and like make Speaker D a robot.
Like, you know how Discord likes to do that?
He's just doing his rants all of a sudden.
It'll just fit perfectly for me.
It'll just fit perfectly for him, but it'll look like we're the war for the others.
It'll be exciting.
Just wait one day.
Yeah, Reed, you have a sense that PyBrain knows about tech, but probably doesn't know the deeper secrets of technology.
Good Skitarii, not good tech priest.
Can you tell me, Speaker, can you relate to me what your current tech role is?
My tech is at three.
But for most of this adventure, it's been at one.
And my dice pool is six.
Okay, so I am just one below you with no skill in tech.
Yes, yes.
And you can tell that I have been diligently working at trying to get really good at tech stuff.
STDs for dummies.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, Py is someone who only barely now knows what he's talking about.
Hang on.
I actually was glancing over a chat.
There's a good suggestion.
Reed was going to mention it, actually.
Okay.
Would it be possible, Captain, since good old Brain here is so keen on using his weapon, I will rub my thumb along the length of his robe and no doubt pull off a lot of blood.
Uh-huh.
Would it be, perhaps, in our interest if we put him in charge of being Chief of Security?
I suppose we could.
It seems like that position frequently opens up anyway.
Yeah, a lot, really.
And his propensity for brutally murdering any problem.
I have questions about disappointment, sir.
What?
You dare challenge your Chief of Security?
Enough, Chief, yet.
Calm down.
What is it, Branson?
I just want to make sure that this Chief of Security is more related to the citizenry of the ship and not the officers.
We cannot have someone looking into the lives and affairs of our officers.
All right.
I find a ribbon.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
I see.
And I am glad I find the ribbon for it being a social position.
Tell me, Brayton, are you good with that?
What?
Am I socializing?
I think most offices are very boring people and I make no promises,
but I am very easily distracted.
So, it's probably fine.
As long as you do not look into our officer, Cadre, I will not oppose this decision, sir.
I have concerns with that statement, but you know what?
Sure.
Brain, if you can learn how to talk to people like a normal person,
the position's yours, and you'll get a cool hat.
I get a cool hat?
Do I get a sash?
We could probably make a sash.
Yes.
My status grows.
Soon the legend of Lemuria shall hold the stars in its grip.
All right.
All right.
All right, everybody.
We still have a stinky problem here.
Yeah, and I believe some reports or something may have come in
to help pinpoint it.
Or we can go talk to the ratlings and see what's been going on,
see if they're the source of it.
Let's start with the reports and see if we can glean anything from them.
And when the people inevitably cannot tell us where they are,
we will go ask the people who are sniffing it out themselves.
This is not your average stinky.
This is an uh-oh big stinky, and I don't like that.
The reports that you have, like,
and that ransom,
was collated for you are mostly just reports from the lower decks of the ships,
indicating, like, there seems to be a bad smell,
and they have all been sort of put together and coming in from all different avenues of the lower decks.
There's nothing coherent among them yet.
Just an increase in the number of them.
As I surmised.
Yeah, I suspect now we can just all just head over to the ratlings and see what's going on.
Yes.
Time to go to the mecha elevator.
Yes.
You make your way into the lower holds where the ratlings have been put up.
They've been set up in kind of this run-down, really not too often used section of the ship,
where they have essentially turned it into a training ground.
Specifically, Belba Creepfoot has set up an intense training and stealth regimen
that she's been putting the other ratlings through.
And you emerge into the area, which is these long halls that are all filled with debris.
Like, parts of the bulkheads and walls have just collapsed
and form, you know, these trails of wreckage in the halls themselves
that you're forced to step around or move to the side.
There's no straight paths in here,
because it looks like everything is sort of broken and fallen apart,
or there's flickering light, and there's this smell, this acrid smell in the air.
Not a stink smell, but more of, like, smell of chemicals.
Hmm.
And, yeah, you come down here, and the lights are just flickering on and off, like...
I don't think this deck was in disrepair the last time I came down here.
Nice ship, Zedek.
As I could see.
Captain, do we have...
Captain, I need to ask, do we have an engineering crew?
Or has Gamu been sending us those men?
No.
No.
No.
No messages in the hopes that we were going to be getting a resident
tech priest to fix these issues.
No, I think she intends for me to fix them.
In theory, we have an engineering crew.
But then again, I've avoided any sort of contact with the alleged engineering crew,
knowing that I would have my ass reamed for not fixing the problems.
Captain, what do you mean in theory?
Did you not hire an engineering crew?
Have we been going through here with our ship steadily
wasting away behind us as though it has been afflicted with some kind of
necrotizing fasciitis, falling behind us while we are puttering through the war?
We have at least one person who can make repairs.
Pie does not count.
Pie does not count.
Reeb, as you shout this from behind you, you just hear this.
If you want to survive in the shadows, you've got to be quiet.
How about please?
And, uh...
You turn around to see Belba eye-to-eye with you as she's standing on a wooden crate
that has suddenly appeared behind you with her on top of it.
Oh yeah, now I get a really good sense of scale with how fucking small she is.
Yes!
Hello, Belba!
Belba, what have you done to my beautiful ship?
I haven't done anything.
You gave us this part of the ship.
It was like this when we got here.
Ha ha, no it wasn't.
It totally was normal.
I'm just looking sad like he's foolish.
Shit, like, nah.
I assumed you gave it to us because you thought we could live here because we're hardy people.
Sure, it totally, that's, yes, yes, that is the reason.
And it looks to be something like...
We've been focusing on securing the doors and connectors to the other parts of the ship.
We've set up choke points in case it gets through.
What is it?
What?
What?
You, you know about it, don't you?
The thing that exists in the lowest parts of this ship.
It's a legend from our homeworld, but we know it's here.
Why is ours the lowest part of the ship?
Why is it never like the top?
If I were a monster, I would go to the top of a ship.
Because top of the ship is...
What they always say is that it always goes downhill.
Oh.
Belba, what is this thing that is allegedly...
Allegedly follows you from Fartham 4?
It's always been here.
It didn't follow us, it was here.
No, it wasn't.
I know what's on my ship, and I know that we didn't have a monster.
I've talked to the crew.
You literally didn't know if you had an engineering crew.
The other rat was against the ground.
Me and my people, we found it out.
It's been here a while.
Your crew says the smell's been here a while now.
Hmm.
Hmm.
Do you have any leads on the source of the smell?
Because that's why we're here.
Not yet.
But we're sure.
It can only be one thing.
It's gotta be an excremental.
Oh, I hate this.
Not again.
What's so funny, funny story about that?
What?
Not...
Not long after I got the ship, there was a problem reported of the same variety, if
not similar, and I said, no, I sent some septic crews down there to take care of it.
And you never checked up on them.
We got green across the board, so I assumed it was fine.
Did they come back?
I don't know.
There's like 32,000 people here.
How the fuck did you send a crew and not check up on the crew and make sure the job was done?
Look at where you are and ask me that question again.
And you suddenly turn to hear the sound of two servitors that are walking into walls.
I'm going to walk up to one of the servitors.
Yeah, Pi, you walk up and you see, like...
Plated on it, on the back of its neck is this title that's been, you know, written in by Narek that reads Shuffman 89.
I would perform percussive maintenance on Shuffman 89.
Yeah, you can give me a tech check.
And as you're doing that, Belba looks at you, Captain Zedek.
It also seems the servitors we were assigned don't really work.
Oh, bring out a six.
He did a thing.
He did a thing.
He got the maximum amount.
He got the maximum points he could possibly get on a roll.
Good job.
You are now a wizard.
I am a tech priest.
All right, of course.
Brain is, like, really excited.
I've always wanted this.
So with your success, what were you trying to do?
You're like, I make a tech chest.
What are you trying to do?
Well, I'm trying to, like, fix this tech creature that is, like, banging into walls.
And I want this thing to be, like, fully operational, optimized, able to respond.
And I'm going to start asking it some.
Compliance.
I'm sorry.
I usually don't get this.
What is happening with the excremental?
Designation unknown excremental.
What is the source of the septic disruption?
Disruption.
Unknown.
I am not programmed.
What the hell is your programming, then?
Programming is maintenance walkways.
I look at the walkways.
I'm like, yeah, that seems right.
Well, can you do your job?
The other one at this conversation, the second one is still bashing into the wall.
Yeah, this is just loud metallic echo through the area.
And so.
It just looks kind of unimpressed at Captain Zedek.
Reeb, what are you doing during this?
I'm well, Reeb is casually thinking to himself about the hit anime Berserk 2016 and the clang noise.
But.
Oh, my God.
I'm kind of Reeb is mostly just trying to.
He's still probing the air, trying to find this supposed wretched stench that is happening.
Am I actually getting anything or.
You can give me an awareness test.
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
Interesting.
Fortunately, that is.
That's not bad.
It's just.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, it's not bad.
You got it.
Oh, so when you actually pause to focus and like take in a deep breath of air and sniff,
you taste the chemicals in the air.
But then there's just this this smell of awful that underlines it.
And it seems to be coming far off in the distance.
Awful as in a awful or.
Oh, oh, awful.
Med.
Can I do a Medicaid to see if I can recognize whatever that wretched off gassing stenches?
It's it's some kind of like excrement or other assembly of just rotting foods and or
meats.
OK, so that narrows a few things down in my mind, but I don't think I can do anything
until the rest of my team finishes messing with the path.
Playing playing.
Lauren, what are you doing during this?
I'm John.
Next. Thanks, Lord.
Go ahead.
We're secure here, but you better secure
your ship, Captain Zedek.
I'll have the rest of these ratlings
trained and ready for when you need
to deploy us.
Sure, you know
what?
And you start hearing this, like, exerted, like,
noise, like, and then you hear
this clang, clang, clang, clang, clang.
No, no, no.
You turn to see the source of the
noise? Yeah, what you see
is this... I do turn to see the source of the noise.
And, like, coming
down the hall, the direction
slightly up ahead where Pi is with the
two servitors, you see, turning
the edge of the corner is this ratling
who is stripped to
his underwear and
has been, like,
taped around with
potatoes strapped
to him, and so he's
running.
And he's just running
this, like, mostly naked ratling
with potatoes strapped over him down
the hall.
Is this a fetish thing
I have to worry about? Like, what's going on?
Belba, explain yourself.
I'm about to molten beam that one
if you don't explain.
Well, you gotta make him run
somehow. And then behind him, you
see all of these other ones, all of these
unholy clothed ratlings with, like,
forks and knives
who are rushing towards.
Yes.
We're about to have a PTSD night, Sparrow.
Oh, for goodness sake.
Belba, you do realize we had an issue
planet-wide, you know, planet-side?
That was a cannibalism issue.
If you tape them to the ratling
and then have them chase the ratling,
what will they do when they catch the ratling?
Well, I guess they better not catch
the ratling. No, no,
no, no. They'll just eat the potatoes.
It's happened a few times now.
All right, as long as it's under control.
I guess this happened
before and I just let them run by
us. Yeah, yeah.
As you're saying this, the conversation
is bisected with the ratlings running
between you.
Well, then,
gentlemen, it seems as though we'd better
proceed. Just give
me a bit to finish up the maintenance
on these servitors. I am a tech
lady. Would you like to work on the second
one? Yes, I would.
Oh, here we go.
Just on the second one.
The first one, the first one,
turns away from you now and begins picking up
the clutter on the ground.
He got a four.
Yeah, you got a four, so that's enough to
perform the rudimentary fixes you need
to. It's not as efficient as
the Shuffman 89.
However, you do manage to
reactivate the systems on
servitor-designated GamerJuice
6942-0
who begins
clambering alongside its
compatriot and moving debris
out of the hall.
So, GamerJuice,
go!
Yes!
Yeah, that's right.
I'm gonna make sure these guys are okay.
You guys go ahead for a second.
Captain Zedek,
is this all going on? You get a
crackle from your personal
vox.
Yes?
Sir?
Yes, Ransom?
Your presence is requested by
the
by the Astropath.
Ah, jeez.
I haven't met that one before.
I'll be there shortly.
Understood.
I close the feed.
Well, I hope we solve
this issue eventually, but
the Astropath wants to speak with me.
Well, I guess we're coming with you
because I don't know how to separate us
and spreading our party is a real problem.
It's a really bad idea. So, let's go, everyone.
Yes. You guys go ahead.
I'll be two minutes behind you real quick.
I want to talk to Belba real quick.
Okay, so as these three go off,
Pai, you walk up to Belba.
Belba.
At first, I wanted to kill you,
but now I realize
you are
chosen. I like you.
She kind of leans in off
like her bulk coming
slightly off the crate. You hear the
crate creak under her.
Wait, I know what
you're doing.
What am I doing?
She needs it.
And she gives you
a nod.
Thank you.
Pylix genuinely touched her, has touched
the shadowy two eyes of Paikun.
The anime happy eyes.
No one ever told me that.
Well, how would you
like extra responsibilities?
Maybe once I've done,
training this regiment.
Yes, yes. I am now
chief of security.
But I cannot investigate
the officers. My focus is on the
crewmen. But as the
chief of security,
I want to promote you
to chef of security.
Chef
of security? Chefs of security.
Your job
will be
to investigate the
officers and not
the crewmen. She
pulls an onion off her belt and takes
a bite. I like
that. Sounds like a good
job, Crunch.
Yes. I pop her out from the corner.
Hurry the fuck up!
I'm out of it!
And you have to...
I quickly shake her down.
It's great to meet you.
Now you give her the good work.
You're a fucking exhaust pipe to your ball bearings.
Let's go.
We have to meet the
spaceman. Let's go!
Okay, I'm going! I'm going!
Zoran, I'm pretty goddamn sure you just made a metal arms glitch
in the system. Damn straight. Let's go.
Yeah, okay.
So you start making your way towards
the astropath chamber,
which is very central
in the ship.
And Zedek, you know the way.
And the rest of you, as you're making your way,
you're making your way through sort of the mid-decks,
which are nowhere near as bad as the
rattling section of the
lower decks. But as you're making your way,
having gone through the lift, and then
taking a small tram unit
across, you
find that
the area has become very
dusty.
There's this almost light fog
in the air, and your
footsteps are making
slight tracks in the ground, just from
how rarely
trodden this area is.
And there's not quite
a sense of, like,
must here,
but there's this
not quite cold, but
slightly chilled, dry
feeling as you're walking through this
area. And you find that there are
immense pillars of
stone that are carrying up
the ceilings here that expand out
into this immense, almost like
a warehouse area.
Oh, jeez. There's some more dust on the floor.
The party pipes may have burst again.
We're gonna have to fix the fog emitters.
The lighting here
is not flickering,
but there's only just a few lumens
that are being held off
of wires at the ceiling. And you find
yourself coming into this warehouse, and
you see what are clearly
like rows
of shelving, almost like
a supermarket, except
they're all empty.
And you start carrying closer
and closer towards what's the center of this
expansive area.
We're talking, like, several
hundred meters wide in some
spaces. And as you're carrying on
down, you start noticing some of the
shelves,
maybe, like, one in every
two or three shelves has a
lasgun on it.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
We may have left that shipment behind.
Well, it's not a problem.
It's not a problem. Ignore the
seemingly barren state of
our armory.
Yes. Under
cleaning order, yes.
The lasguns are being cleaned.
All of the rest of you
who are not Captain Zedek
can give me either a tech
or a scholar check.
Oh, well.
I'm bad with both.
My nine scholar.
Okay, okay.
I like it. That's a decent
scholar. I like that.
I got a none.
Okay, you got a none. Beautiful.
Um, okay.
Reeb, you know, as Captain Zedek
says that, the armory is in a completely
different part of the ship. This is
definitely where the astropathic,
like, chamber should be
for this vessel.
Captain, I
regret to inform you, this is
where the astropath is
to reside.
Oh.
This is not the armory. The armory is on the
aft deck.
So it is.
And as you get finally
to, like, the absolute center
of this immense warehouse space,
you see this
tarp. One of those,
you know, almost light blue,
but it's been kind of stained
with various, like, browns and
blacks. Just tarp
that's maybe
six by six meters
square that's been laid out
on the floor, and the corners
of it are held down with
what appears to be, uh,
some lasguns, autoguns,
and a few pistols of both varieties.
And they form kind of this strange
semi-circle
around the area,
keeping the tarp
down. And in the middle of it
sits, or sorry,
lays on his back
a man, a bald man
with this
absolutely disheveled
dark beard and
grungy, like,
brownish-green,
robes that have
other patches
in the form of a symbol
stitched on their bottom
level. And his
eyes are what attract you
because his eyes are missing,
and instead there are these two metal
bolts with sort of red lenses
in them. And this
figure lies on his back looking
up, and
Captain Zedek, you recognize
this instinctively, having met him several
times before, as the
debt collector's astropath,
Winnick Rivette.
Hello again, Rivette. It's been
a while.
I would like to ask you
why you've requested my presence,
but also where the rest
of the
astropath's room is.
And he stands up, sort of
leans forward,
shakes his shoulders,
a bit,
gets up onto his
feet, turns towards you,
and
waves around towards
the room, his bionic eyes
looking over all
of you.
I like that model.
It's a good model.
I'm a
astropath.
Oh, crap.
Come again?
This is the astropath's chamber.
It's always been the astropath's chamber.
You get your shit out of your mouth, what?
This is the astropath's chamber.
It's always been the astropath's chamber.
Oh, for fuck's sakes.
I think you have to clean out your ears, Loren. I can hear him
pretty clearly. The fuck? The what?
The what? No!
This has always been
the astropath's chamber. This is not
the armory. That was merely a test earlier,
and you guys passed. Great job.
Gold stars in all your calendars.
The fuck was I supposed to...
What the fuck's the test for?
Loren, learn high gothic.
What the fuck is he saying, Zedek?
Exclusively low gothic.
Wait. Wait.
Captain Zedek.
Yes, Loren.
He was an astropath.
First off, tell me what an astropath is.
An astropath
is...
is a very special
brain boy who helps the ship
guide the terrors of
unreal space in the world.
If they fuck up,
we all die.
That's wrong.
He doesn't know that.
Okay, so
with that in mind
of what you just told me
and your thing,
I think you're
fucking with me, Zedek. If that's true,
this fucker is keeping us afloat?
And you can't fucking
understand him?
No, I said that's what a navigator is.
I'm not a navigator. I'm an astropath.
I heard navigator. What the fuck's going on?
Do you even know who's on your ship?
Are you insulting the knowledge
I have of my ship? I'll have you know
I know exactly who's on this ship at all times.
Where's your engineering crew?
Somewhere.
Somewhere.
They exist. They definitely exist.
I have you know I'll be looking at the
roster very carefully after this
since I'm fairly certain
that we are lacking some very crucial
elements of our crew, and I would
very much like
to, well, have them.
I can assure you
that I do not.
I like people who drop their mind.
Precisely.
Yeah, yeah, what he said.
I agree.
I agree.
What?
I have no idea.
I've got a message from the crusade.
We got updates from the crusade.
I've not a goddamn idea.
No, no, I heard that one. Update.
I don't know how to hear it.
I can just push Zedek at him. You figure it out.
What updates do you have, Rivet?
Crusade fleet gone to Jopal.
They get stuck in Jopal for a while.
Fuck's sakes.
Lorne doesn't.
He just doesn't over there.
We're definitely stuck.
No, on Crusade fleet, they're stuck in Jopal.
There's, why are they at Jopal?
You know, uh, why?
Do you know?
Our message's come through, they're going cold up!
Right.
I was supposed to say, Thurston,
this is probably the funniest thing an astropath can make.
Okay, so.
Do you?
Look.
We're gonna hang out for a while.
But they're just gonna step into Jopal, the cold eye is over.
They're leaving Jopal.
They're leaving Jopal, okay, okay.
That's, that's right.
They're going somewhere to the ghoul stars.
Oh, oh.
Oh no.
And did we,
did the glorious leaders at the head of the crusades say why they were going to the ghoul stars?
No, no, not ghoul stars, ghoul stars.
Ghouls, oh no.
What's a ghoul star?
What's a Jopal?
What's going on?
Why is he crazy?
The fuck is a ship?
Reeb, Reeb, would you like to give me a scholarship?
Or anyone, really.
But I assume Reeb will, will make, uh, to, to see what you know about this.
Oh, I'm ready to complicate.
Hold up.
It actually went very badly.
I rolled two.
I rolled a zero.
Wow.
Uh, Reeb, would you like to spend a wrath dice to reroll some?
Yeah, I'm gonna, I'm gonna use one of my wraths.
Alright, wrath has been spent.
Wrath has been spent.
One of my two wraths.
One of your two, yes.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna hit the re-
I don't wanna reroll Zedek's roll.
Yeah, you, you reroll the original roll you had there.
Yeah, there you go.
Oh!
Wow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Uh, so, so, like, Reeb, you're the, the one in this group who has done their homework
and, and certainly know, you know, generally, like, what the Crusade has been.
And you knew that from the last update, the main Crusade fleet, for some reason, was stuck over Jopal for a while.
So this, this sort of lines up.
Uh, you don't know exactly what happened.
And prior to that, they had been at, like, Attila and Karachan and making their way towards Terra.
But now, the fact that the latest update indicates they're going to the Ghost Stars seems really, really strange.
Because the Ghost Stars are in, like, the far northeastern quadrant in, like, the eastern fringes of the galaxies.
Hmm.
I am no astropath.
I don't have an astrologist chart on me at the moment.
But from what I understand, they are deviating quite off course.
And we have not received any updates near, as I recall.
Um, Captain, you do know where the Ghost Stars are, right?
No.
Based, based on my scholar check, I, I do not know where the Ghost Stars are.
You could give me a piloting check as well.
I'll let you, like, give piloting to see your, your stellar cartography.
That one I'm good at.
Allegedly.
Okay.
Not even a four.
Yeah, a four is enough for you to know, Captain Zedek.
The Ghost Stars are in, like, the, the eastern fringes, far northeast.
Well, Reeve, I can tell you it's most definitely in the direction we're not supposed to be going if we're going to Terra.
But the Crusades said not to, not to, not to go there.
They said to meet up with Gachavan Nord.
Ah, brilliant.
So we are, so we're still set to go on this path.
We are simply going to be going it alone.
On the Death Collector.
Into...charted, but definitely not secure space.
Brilliant.
And this is under orders from Gachavan Nord.
I didn't give them Primarchs.
The Brumba who?
The what?
They said to give them the Primarchs.
The fuck's a Primarch?
What do you mean you don't know what a Primarch is?
We've been looking credulously at Lorne.
Oh, oh, I'm sorry.
I've just been living on Fenris the entire time of my life.
And I've just been shipped off to a quick thing and then brought on over onto this ship.
Like, I'm sorry, I don't know where the fucking Primarch is.
You're from Fenris!
You don't!
You should know.
I will explain what a Primarch is.
No!
We don't have the time.
I'm sorry.
I lived in a village for, like, most of my life.
We don't even know about any of the other things.
Well, that's your problem!
You should have been in a village living somewhere else.
It's like, out of character.
Not a lot of people know what those are.
Like, not a lot of people know what those are.
And even on Fenris, people don't even know what a Space Marine is.
They don't show up all that often.
It all depends on where you grew up.
Yeah, all depends.
Yep.
Yeah, and so Winnick kind of leans in again, and with his rough voice, you know, speaks.
Signal's getting tough in here.
I need more guns.
We need more weapons.
Why?
Literally why.
More weapons are going to save our field to clear the message.
It's unnecessary.
You don't need them here.
Lauren, can you give me a psychic mastery test?
Sure can.
Yeah.
I wiggle my fingers around, do the psychic's mastery, and whoop-bloop-bloop.
Whoop-bloop-bloop-bloop-bloop-bloop-bloop.
Okay, I was waiting for that complication.
I got a seven.
A seven is really good.
So, like, from what you were gathering from Winnick's tough speech, the idea that Winnick
requires weapons for clearer messages, like, a lot of psychic stuff is all based on metaphysical,
like, personal beliefs, whatnot.
So, the idea that he feels safe with weapons means the more weapons he gets, the clearer
the signal, and in fact, the clearer the message he might deliver.
Should we move him to your so-called armory, Captain Zedek?
He might get a better signal.
No, you can't bring me guns from other places.
Whatever the fuck you said.
We need guns from other places on the ship.
Not the armory.
You find guns, you bring them here.
That'll make me feel safe, and the message get clearer.
I will take out my radium pistol, and I will look at Zedek, hand it to the astropath.
His smile goes wide with, like, his missing-tooth grin.
Oh, that look like a spectacle.
Take it away slightly.
Hand it back to the astropath.
To see, like, his eyes go, like, furled mad, happy, furled mad.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and he's like, and like, as he's holding it, he just looks, and he's
like, this is a really good piece, and then he hands it back to you.
You don't want it?
All I want you on this day, how long do I need it?
Just hold on to it when you talk to me.
And then give it back after.
I would not recommend holding on to the gun.
What's the worst that could happen?
Oh, I don't know.
Let's just mute the mute even more.
The smell on the lower deck's getting worse.
Yes, we know the smell on the lower deck is getting worse.
We are trying to suss out the stench.
Except for Unifor.
I found it there.
I smelled it there.
Except for Unifor.
Unifor.
Unifor.
I got that one.
I got that one.
That is the number after a three.
I said to Loren, in case he doesn't know.
What's a four?
You can't.
Loren, you do know how to count, right?
What's counting?
I mean, I used to, I used to refer to these bones as the thing I take out my tribal bones
with runes on it.
It's just how I count.
I put a hand gently on Loren's shoulder.
Oh, Lon, my old friend.
one day i will teach you how to read can we just i heard there was a thing that i just
plugged my head into it i learned all tons of things i never got to get that
that is how i will teach you how to read i do not have enough time to actually do it okay
zedek might be having an alcohol-fueled nightmare at the moment because he's just
he's not here he's not here right now yeah so at this point pie is gonna look around and he's
gonna draw out his sword well then friends it seems as though we must go to the unit four in
order to cleanse the infestation here and purge this place from the smells afterwards we will
travel to the ghouls ghost stars and face untold adventures and die no but we're not going to the
ghoul stars we are proceeding along the path as we were indicated to do so ghost stars we're also
ghost stars
but how else would we create our legend not by dying we're not here to make legends we're here
to get points let's just go to uniform we'll figure it out later that's a great idea let's
let's just go take care of the smell first then points later yeah yeah whatever we'll find a way
to get him more guns and like he gets this toothy smile and waves at you with
one of his hands well you're going back soon okay okay yes we'll be right back we are gonna
be back for some time i'm glad that we have the 40k equivalent of boom hour in our fucking campaign
as we all leave brain is gonna look at captain zedek you know i like that guy he says what we're
all thinking just keep going i'm like yeah you're all walking away and just in the background he's
giving the most excited wave
like big smile like bye um yeah and and and you you exit and um so zedek you're wanting to lead
the way to septic unit four yes let's go dive down in the crap swamp let's find the source of
the smell okay um i want you to tell me what skill you possess will let you know where septic unit
four is because i think septic unit four might be something that's normally beneath your
station uh i would like to make an awareness check okay okay so you're like looking around
your immediate vicinities for a sign a sign that points to absolutely bullshitting his way to the
lower decks he does not know the fucking layout of the lower part of his shit beautiful you and
fucking lieutenant ransom well they're just the common citizens yeah of course there we go uh
yes i got a crazy question would it be possible for us to not go into the fucking
sump pump because certainly there has to be like some kind of not a camera but like a sensor
that you mean like a service goal we can just send in yeah i'd rather i'd rather not and reed
is also kind of above like treading through sewage he doesn't oh so we i'm right there
with you we're not gonna go in it necessarily well we then why don't we use some kind of
remote control we're not gonna go in it necessarily well we then why don't we use some kind of remote control
viewing device certainly we have a servo skull around here some that's an excellent idea
with your awareness test you don't see any immediate signs that point you to septic unit
four so you're just kind of bullshitting the direction you're leading your your fellow
teammates oh yeah it's you know it's right around the corner here there's an elevator we can we can
take that down there it'll it'll certainly lead us there i know what i'm doing yes pie from um
mine and lauren's batman murder games we have a better idea of the lower decks
yeah it's our downtime activity
activity is killing people on the lower decks it's like a bunch of fucking idiots
all right what fucking skills are you going to like use to tell me your psychic mastery
oh god fucking christ no
that's the whole point of not being able to use it for everything
that's give me a psychic mastery test give me a psychic mastery test it's gonna it's it's gonna
corrupt there it comes okay it didn't but i wrote a nine nice um all right lauren so your psychic
mastery
okay
like you you get these these visions of hunting your nemesis but in no time when you when you
hunted your nemesis did you ever come close to something called septic unit four oh fuck you
you're like you're you're you're your chases took place far away from the septic units
what about when i was hunting my nemesis what skill would you like to bullshit propose
me
i just i just want to point out much like last episode and here come all the comments
this gm won't allow fucking anything i can't believe you would let them you know
track their foes with weapon skill roll me a fucking weapon skill
when my son
god
yeah
yeah
yeah
yeah
yeah
yeah
okay
okay okay okay this is perfect this is fucking perfect all right so i'm assuming what you're
doing pie is as you're all like following captain zed x like you know non-guidance
lauren is like back using psychic mastery to like relive past events that's gone on and try to spot
but you were never close and you're using weapon skills so what that tells me is you're like
probably drawing your power sword and and hoping to like recreate some of your kill strokes to like
remind you of where you were does that sound about right literally reenacting the crime scene
lauren right beside you doesn't get it
so you come from on high and i did this so you complicate and i'm going to really thank one of our uh uh
uh patreon's uh donators for this for this lovely complication thank you zero uh defix for
negligent discharge when drawing and aiming your weapon it accidentally goes off early hitting an
ally bystander or just the wrong enemy could also occur with a melee weapon if an ally slash
bystander is in an adjacent square the accidental target can rule to reduce or avoid the incoming
damage now i'm going to be a generous gm here and i'm not going i'm going to say that you don't use
this to skewer one of your teammates instead captain zedek has led you to the infamous
engineering crew who you immediately draw your sword and stab one of them as you're attempting
to re-create should i roll damage uh yeah yeah sure sure let's see what your power sword like
i'll shift one exalted die
you
uh yeah with with damage 15 the sufficient amount of damage to probably hurt a fucking
space marine you you just draw your sword like some fucking child like i'm gonna play swords
and cut off a man's head and there's this this distinct thump as the engineer's head hits the
ground and then a second thump when the engineer's body falls on top of it and all of you at that
i think stop walking well i i we start i imagine wait i imagine as the body fall i imagine this
guy's kind of like half tech or whatever that the tech priest person is basically like a barely
augmented human like no no like at least an augmented that has like a wi-fi connection
and now it's dead so the wi-fi is now off and then all of a sudden you just hear something
printing to the side or like can't can't can't can't and it's a list of going i require an
additional
engineer crewmates from the personal constantly complaining oh yeah it's just like two captain
zedek so so um so reeb how do you react to seeing this oh bloody hell i'm going to dive
forward and i'm going to prop up the engineer and i'm going to roll i'm going to roll on
wait wait wait wait are you trying to like reattach the head
yes i'm going to uh use my unnatural medicaid as a means of reducing the dem the the difficulty
modifier okay oh my god yeah sure sure please recapitate him oh my god
please roll please roll exalt or uh ruin or whatever not
crap um all right i'll wrap it fine
want to go on anywhere chad rave needs more rap guy
no no they're the ones on my sheet yeah uh well six still isn't
enough to save a man from death who from decapitation um oh good god um okay it reattaches
but um i'm i'm just i'm just looking to see what we have here because okay i think we've used most of
the if it's not gonna fit the pattern in here or not but i'm just correspond to that because people you fullest later and listen that part so uh iming that piece of the smoothly chidi ейàthas enduro raspberry
just continue on here yeah no no i was just wanting to i just wanted to see what we had
from our patrons his knee or something can i break like pie's knee what that's hard that's
that's a bit harsh um i'm i let's see so you're you're grabbing this body and you're trying to
reattach the head um you you fail and complicate um as you're attempting to do this um i am going
to say that the complication here is someone arrives on scene that you weren't expecting
oh no no not going on that way and like as you've like half stapled the head on it peels off and
all the like stitches
you were putting on pop and it just rolls back on the ground but that's when you hear this clang
clang clang like this dragging on metal sound
oh good the saboteurs have found us again and emerging from the the like corridor and you can
find that you're like in this this massive uh industrial chamber that you're just at the edge
of the engineer
was working at a station there when you would uh poorly decapitated him but coming out from
the shadows is this immense figure that towers almost twice as tall as you uh its body is made
out of metallic enhancements with like several claw-like arms coming out at various angles and
this silken red robe that trails as its bulky body uh pushes forward the bulk of its body being some
kind of
almost metallic drawer system that it lifts up and puts down with every footstep and its face has
these blue glowing eyes with a metal rebreather and captain zedek you recognize this as tech priest
gam move 4224 oh hello again tech priest we seem to have stumbled upon one of your engineers who
encountered a
operator error there she is he came right at me you all saw that greetings flashling captain
uh well i reeb's just gonna like take his hands off the head of the engineer at this point just
kind of let it fall off that's a lost cause damn it the laugh of life
is not acceptable it will go on the list and she immediately has one of her lower um appendage hands
pull out an auto quill and open the one of the uh shelves on the drawer unit in her base and it
produces this paper that it begins scratching on no oh boy a chest full of grudges
a tech grudge
why i'm
you here captain i have come to requisition a servo skull so that we may explore the
fetid depths of unit septic unit four captain i believe that's the last cause of this jank show
are you telling me that you have finally deigned to investigate one of the items on my list
a twinkle in zedek's eye as he realizes he may be able to get out of murdering one of his well
uh
i'm not that much of an egoist he gets really mad that brains at the center of this criminal investigation
i should be at the center of a criminal investigation and lauren's like i should
be solving it damn it that's my thing now yeah it's my thing i'm still on the case though
yes we have
we have come to fix one of the issues finally
it's very stinky in the lower depths decks
zedek's not handling his liquor well today uh and we could very much use your assistance i know
there's a very long list of routines and maintenance i am detecting elevated emotional
response that indicates that you are lying to me
are you lying to this love?
i'm the evil of the evil
here zedek
so rude
roll for deception
yeah
i am not lying i am a very generous
here composed i want to see it let it happen
yeah 2 but
so a two is not enough
it's like you were sweating down your brow yeah you could spend a wrath to try to rally and
i'm going to spend a wrath to reroll
yeah yeah let's see what you get
no no no no no we're gonna do nothing
there we go
literal tariffs
no no no
wait wait wait wait wait wait wait wait he has to do did you click a re-roll
yeah the re-roll button so he could still complicate on a re-roll yeah holy shit it's
amazing all right now we can point at him and laugh um you're yeah you just have like sweat
just beating down your face at this point and and and you're you're having like a really hard
time keeping composure and how like how is it plainly obvious that you are lying to her like
what what thing like obvious thing do you do that that just gives it entirely away
oh other than the beat of the literal bullets i'm sweating right now the fact that i'm trying
to keep a straight face and my lip is just trembling trying not to crack a smile
very visibly trying to hold back a smile i do appreciate the the art that we have for
this particular scenario because we just have captain zedek pointing a fucking gun at her
i also want to point out how awesome this art looks yeah uh rude rubic did this one as well
she did an amazing job this is gorgeous it's spectacular yeah and like the dresser thing
was
yeah
was not like really requested
then I'm like that's where she puts all the
grudges
works out very well
filing cabinet of grudges
filing cabinet of irritations
also I recommend anybody trying to
translate this thing on video to screenshot
it probably make your life
a little bit easier
I appreciate that Chad is trying to
decipher the binaeric
can I jump
ahead of our dear captain here before
something bad happens with you
you're just sweating and stammering
your response Zedek and the
complication is just that you don't respond
to her like you you just have
difficulty interacting with her
uh captain
one side please I'm going to just
very lightly jostle captain Zedek out
the way
just like move him like a statue
I'm just
literally like a statue you just kind of turn me
away
we have not spoken previously
I am Reeb Van Horn
you may have a log file on me
I'm trying very hard to get these
um various irritations
you continually send to us taken care of
I'm not the captain I have very little
leeway can you please just lend us this
so we can get this one done
I am begging you
and I'll do it
you have saved a servant of the
omnisire before
so I am willing to show you some
consideration
yes yes
your groveling pleases this
unit so I I
will I will relent in my
interrogation of the captain
even even if it didn't
I mean that
seven in the glory
yes yes
oh geez
may we play
controls for it
we needed to explore the sub deck
so we may find out where this
issue is occurring from
I have already sent
in a servitor skull
one Kyle
Mayer to investigate
I'm sorry
that just that just tickles
me so much because the idea is that
that's not the designation of the skull that's just
who used to own it yes
that's the owner
of the skull specifically not the servo
part it's whoever donated the skull
the skull has not yet returned
I require flesh
units to investigate
you will all do
nicely
phat
do we have hazard
suits
they will
not to be necessary
the units and air in there
are sterilized
with cycling processors
I raise a hand
waving
for my hand
can I have a trash bag
to put my beard in
burn-in
against the
the gross in it uh do you have like any would you like to make a persuasion check lauren to get a
trash bag can i do i have to roll up the persuasion to ask politely yes fuck i got one yeah because i
can't go anywhere your fleshliness is understated and noted and another one of her hands goes in
opens one of the filing cabinet drawers and pulls out what's clearly a plastic bag and reaches it
towards you this will suffice thank you i've tried on i put my beard in it i'm just like
yeah so the rest of the conversation is going on you just hear that like crackling of plastic
as lauren is adjusting his beard i'm just like i'm just trying to fucking it's really hard it's
really fucking hard thurston how i was imagining that as she's
reaching out with the bag and she's just gonna start like trying to suffocate lauren with it
just put like a one bag over no she's she's she's pretty indifferent to uh to to you like to to
lauren she actually kind of likes you reeb uh zedek and pie it's well yeah we got fucking
doofus and dump us over here ignoring the goddamn request to fix things pie pie is raising his hand
yes menial skitari
what is it you wish to contribute to this conversation wait what did you just call me
pie she towers like like going up another several six feet and about a half a dozen
mechadendrite arms go out in what can only be described as a come at me bro pose and she's like
you heard what i said or are your auditory systems malfunctioning like the rest of your units
they were built in forge world lemuria were they not substandard
oh uh i'm gonna charge
thurston can you actually can you
cry charge all out attack
thurston can i roll agility to stick out my foot and trip him
uh yes wait wait can i help with ah crap what's the spell called hold up hold up can i help with
a phantom grip to grab his other ankle and trip him when that so he falls face forward
okay yeah yes you can okay okay i roll it and i got a four
which is all i needed to actually succeed so
okay okay okay um yeah all right this is uh this is interesting um so would you like to
captain zedek sorry are you interfering at all in this
no like at this point i wouldn't be surprised if you shot him with the arc pistol
i will set the arc pistol to tickle fingers
so
psychic
psychic
aggressive
like not able to go uh i want you i want you to let's see here um give me uh what's a good
good option you know what give me a strength test i would love nothing more
yeah so three so you go rushing forward pie as like captain zedek looks and like tries to fiddle
with the settings of the arc pistol and reeb sticks out his his foot and kind of kind of off
balances pie a bit
but then it's it's it's lorn who uses his psychic powers to really wrench your uh your other ankle
and as you try to put force behind it to keep moving you you don't and you go sprawling forward
and landing face first just in front of the dresser uh filing cabinet unit of uh gamu 4224
and at that she immediately returns back to her normal size the various mechadendrite hands coming
in and she moves her head back and forth and she's like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die
to look down at you and like as you fall in during your charge attempt you fall in face up and like
your your mechanical eyes meet and you just you you don't like none of the rest of you hear this
but you you pie you hear this and she just looks down she's like graia
graia will pay
you
anyway
you
you
captain now that this
insufferance is dealt with
will you please continue your
investigation into the
I'll show you an insufferance
I'll kill you I'll render every bone
in your body to dust
I take my stand
I take my stand
Jesus Christ
I just like the idea that Lauren you like
start dragging him back towards
the party
as he's on his back flailing
I'm just seeing him claw into the
thing just like just this trench marks
of the claws
I'm just pulling him back
I find it so absolutely incredible
that for being the most technologically
advanced member of the crew
Pi just so often
resorts to Dungeons and Dragons
Barbarian I rage
I rage and I
charge it
it's really important to Pi's character
I
I rage and I charge
and with that
as we
and Pi is dragged back
while futilely struggling
I think we should take a quick five minute break
and then we will come back for the
continuation
alright we'll be right back everyone
thanks for watching we'll be right back
welcome back everyone
to Warhams
last we left off a giant tech priest lady
who was about to destroy brain
and I think the adventurers
are now heading off to deal
with a problem right Thirsting
yeah yeah so
having uh having defeated
the not intended but
apparently became one tech priest
gamu 4224 encounter
um
the uh
the group makes its way into
septic unit 4
which has a various
channels of
of sewage sludge
and other unseemly liquids floating down
with one meter wide walkways on each side
a very traditional
imperial sewer unit
you're making your way through here
and though tech priest gamu has assured you
that there's nothing
awful in the area in terms of assailing your senses
it does smell particularly horrible
as you walk down these paths
that sounds like a good idea
sounds like a really tough burden for you guys to bear
dick move
you don't smell anything
yes I didn't say it earlier
so I am saying it now
I'm glad we don't use webcams or anything
because you would have just saw me look over to my other monitor
mad
I know and you would have seen me
revel in it and that would have been bad for my optics
um
excellent okay so
uh what what kind of uh
marching order do we have as you're walking down
these like appropriately
I'm third
person-wide
okay you're third
oh okay
pie is first
solemnly
I will walk second
three third
obviously depressed
okay okay okay okay so
head down cast
can we get a back-and-mid-tie of brain now
uh back-and-mid-tie
so brain brain was first
then it was zedek
then it was lorn then it was reed in the back
sure
aye
okay perfect
cool
yeah um and you you start making your way through this uh sewer area and again you're
you're just seeing this this sludge that's steadily moving but it's moving at a snail's
pace
and you just hear this like
as like gases are popping out of the sewage
water
and you see things that are floating in the water um you know either like chunks of food some
like animal bones from some foods some meals previous um further down you see a cardboard
box that's just labeled free kittens that's floating down in the water
is there anything in it
I mean it's floating in the water you don't know if there's anything in it it just says free kittens
written on the side of it
okay I'll open it you could open it if you want to
okay I'll open it you could open it if you want to
okay I'll open it you could open it if you want to
okay I'll open it you could open it if you want to
because you're going to make me angry I think
because you're going to make me angry I think
okay so you like like kind of reach over into the water to grab this box and bring it close to you
yep
yeah you you open it and there's there's nothing inside of the box
oh
oh they already got adopted good
yay they all found a good home
yeah
there you go
I love noble bright
um you just hear this sound often it is like
and it just says blah blah blah
and then it fades and stops
now let us go
and investigate this
sound
for the Omnissiah
you act like you've just been castrated come on
I've never been castrated
but
how could you
the way she
spoke to me
I have never been castrated
I've never been castrated
but
I will be forced
to verbally castigate you in front of
your peers
brain just
because you didn't see IO to IO
port doesn't mean you have to get all down
on yourself no it's not about
that you wouldn't
understand Zedek the Omnissiah
has blessed you but you
lack his metal touch
brain let me tell you
something about tech priests
something about tech priests
I pat him on the back let's go
okay
flashlight bombs
you hear the voice
of Gamu 4224 bursting
from your vox unit
audible kind of echoing
down the sewers
you are making slow progress
sir should I send in a
more qualified unit of servitors
sir
no we are
being
you guys
we won't have to go
to the
S NO
k
I
don't
that one
you
check
it
see
you
tomorrow
inter institutar
dig
the
the
subway
already
The
My awareness is garbage
and it shall be rolling me
a two.
A two, Reeb has a three,
Zedek has a one, and Pibrain
has a three.
Oh, shit, I forgot.
What?
Didn't you roll?
No, this is strength.
I rolled strength to see.
Okay.
So, as like
these discussions are going on,
Reeb, you notice
up ahead at one of these
sort of corner areas of this
walkway
what looks to be
a tent that's been
set up from some kind of
military-grade tarp
that's been set up with metal poles
and there's all of this
like empty ration units
that are sprinkled around the tent.
Hmm.
I think we found where the previous
team ended up, or at least where they were.
Yes, but why would they set up a tent
down here?
Sure, they could have come up with
the ladder.
They don't have to stay down here in the muck.
Reeb, Reeb,
when I say that this is a literal
crap swamp, it is a literal
crap swamp. You have to make base
camp down here if you're going to explore the full
depths of the septic pumps.
You don't need to explore the septic pumps.
You're going to find poop.
That's all you're going to find, Captain Poop.
The idea is to find more than poop.
There is more to the
pump than poop, Reeb.
But why would you want to hunt through it for
anything other than poop?
That is all that there is down here.
Excrement. You don't need to
explore it. If anything valuable got flushed down here,
leave it. And as you
say that, Reeb, that's when you get
close enough to the tent to notice that there is
a data slate, a chrono,
and two syringes
that have been pretty
well preserved on top
of a box at the back of the tent.
I hope they weren't doing space
jankum. No, they're doing
foot drugs. No, space
jankum, no!
They were taking foot drugs.
Can I do a Medicaid to see what the
syringes... Are they labeled with anything
or are they just like...
They seem to be kind of bog-standard syringes.
You could give me a Medicaid test to see if you
can identify them. Oh boy, I'm going to give you
a Medicaid test. Medicaid!
I'm going to complicate and I'm going to
inject myself with it.
Yes!
I didn't know what this drug is!
No. You got an 8.
Yeah, an 8 is absolutely sufficient.
You notice that these are
the item stims.
So, they're essentially
like high-tech combat drugs
that are in a single-use injector
and they can be used as part of a Medicaid
test and restore 1d3
plus 3 shock.
So can I add 2 stim to my inventory permanent?
Absolutely you can.
Thank you, please!
You don't take those items! Treasure!
Uh...
Then yeah. There's a chrono unit
and a data slate.
Uh...
Item has been acquired.
I have acquired drugs!
What is a chrono unit?
Chrono unit is essentially a small
time piece typically strapped to the wrist.
Oh, you mean a watch?
Yes.
We use,
grimdark terms here.
It's like grimdark. Stupid.
Tfou!
In this case, the chrono's display
has been set for shipboard time.
Shipport
or shipport?
Shipboard. I like the other
one better. I would certainly hope it would be
shipboard time, because if they were scheduled
for anything else, it would be a little concerning.
It's like, why are you set to Rocky Mountain
time? We're in space.
So, I guess let's continue
investigating at this point.
On your front,
Captain Zedek. And then there's also the
data slate.
I would like to pick up the data slate.
Yeah. Reed,
you pick it up, Captain Zedek. You see
that it's one of your
bog-standard crew assignment
timetables?
These are the schedules you give
to your crew members.
Do you remember what crew member this is?
Do you know this one?
Or did you forget about them, too?
Zedek's going to look very flustered for a moment
and say, no, I didn't forget about this one.
This one looks feverishly for the name
on the data slate.
Don't you remember
all 20-what-the-fuck-ever
thousand people on your ship?
I am going
to say that this
requires your charm
and personality, Captain Zedek.
Give me just a flat
fellowship test.
I would be happy to.
Yeah, of course you would.
At least I got a glory!
A glory!
You did get a glory!
Oh, dear.
And you see the
name on it, who you
don't recognize, but
you see the name Sven
Lingenfelter.
This belonged to
Sven
Loganberry. He was...
a respected member
of the engineering
crew, and I knew him
well. I look at the data pad
and I read it, and what actual
position does it say?
So this is someone who
was stationed at the
sensorium... sorry,
the third backup sensorium
unit on the Strategium.
So this would be like the backup, backup,
backup sensors operator on
the bridge.
It is not an engineering position.
It is not an engineering position.
It is not an engineering position.
It is not an engineering position.
I look at Zed and go,
really?
The fuck does it say right there?
Oh, but can Lorne read?
Yeah, but can you read, Lorne?
Oh, that's a good point!
I don't know.
Let's decide. Game Master,
can I read?
I'll let you make the decision.
Does Lorne... can Lorne
read?
Nope. Lorne can't read shit.
This is what we call a scholar of convenience.
Oh, that's neat looking.
I used to have these roads to read.
I used to have these roads to read.
I used to have these roads to read.
I assume, I assume when, when, when, like,
Zedek is all like, it's the
engineering department pie brain who can
read, probably knows the
discrepancy. Oh, yeah, I get it.
Is that an engineering department?
Yeah, I'll take a look at it.
Zedek!
Why did you lie
to me?
I trusted you!
I trusted you!
I trusted you!
I come up, I come up to the brain and I'm like,
it's okay, it's okay, I didn't know we
would party with a fucking liar!
And then just...
I already thought you were cool!
And you lied to me! I am cool!
Look at my, look at my coat! It's super
cool! Look at me!
I offer a shoulder for Brain
to cry on his oil stains
to start dripping down.
Rebearing is affecting
the nearby area.
Windshield wipers start activating on the
eyes. Yeah, yeah. What a terrible,
terrible start to Captain Zedek Day, this is.
That'll be
a thing. That's going in the
GM ammunition folder.
You know, Captain, you're
going to tell me that all of the
maintenance problems on the ship
are somehow your fault.
Okay, I'm gonna
need you to sit down for this one.
You've kind of got a sense of where you are.
And you've just finished passing by
the, um, passing by this little, like,
shanty tent, and into a much
larger, uh, sewage chamber.
There is a large air
recycling unit that is in the
center of this chamber, and then there's various,
um, different canals that
go off. There are these sort of
corroded metal walkways
that go over a few of the areas,
uh, and I'm just gonna
shift us over to this fancy
map I've got here
that should show all of,
uh, you know, the general area.
Fancy?
Hopefully you can all see it.
Um. I can, but
Is it
perpetual darkness for anyone else, or
I can see. Okay.
We're good. I can finally see!
You have updated my tokens! I have
fixed it! Um, alright,
so there's this, like, big air recycler
unit right here. Uh, you notice
that there's, like, this buildup and
bubble of water right over here.
And, uh, the path
kind of seems to carry on with steps
leading down, but you're not sure
what's there.
It looks like some kind of
blockage?
I haven't had one of those in
a hot minute, at least.
Well, it's a hot minute to you. Did you get it
after the dealership fucked you over with the ship,
or what?
Look, the dealership gave me the ship.
I don't have any say in that matter, but
Whatever, nerd. As far as I know,
I'm gonna make my way there.
Yeah, sure.
You should have checked the ship
fax.
Wow.
Ship grox.
What is vox? I don't know.
Ship grox? What's the closest animal
alternative with an X? Yeah, whatever.
Are you guys, like, so to get
a sense here, are you still advancing
as, like, a cohesive unit? Are you having
someone scout ahead? What are you doing?
Uh, I figure we were in the same marching
order as before.
Is that, generally, you're just gonna
kind of stick with? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna stick with it.
I as well.
Uh, I guess I'll look at, like, whatever
this is. Is it
working? Is it, what is this?
Uh, it's a big,
it's a big air recycling unit.
Um, you would have to get closer to investigate
it and make a tech check, but
it's in some, like, pretty
thick water. You're guessing it's probably
waist-high water down there? Water.
Indeed. Yes.
Water.
Um, I'm going to go
and check this machine
and show them all!
I'm going to do a running jump at this
thing. Sure!
What kind of, that's athletics? You wanna give me
athletics? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, are you
trying to jump on its side so you don't
land in the water? Like, you're on top of, like, one
of these little, like, ones here? Yeah, yeah.
Hopefully. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally, totally.
Give me athletics.
Oh, no. Oh, let's roll
a raft.
Yeah, let's raft that. Yeah.
Yeah, five! Absolutely.
So, yeah, like, Pai, you turn to the ground. I'm going to investigate
this. And then you just land.
And there's this immense
clang of metal as you,
you, like, land on the side of it, holding
on with your, your one free arm.
Is there, like, anything
on there that's, like, like, a giant symbol
of, like, Forge World Grya?
Are you...
Sorry. Are you spending,
like, time specifically looking
for that? That's kind of your action?
Like, I don't care about the state of this thing.
I just want to know if there's something I can deface
on it. Yeah, give me an awareness test.
I'm pulling out my copy tool and looking
and the part of it just says,
I bet this is a photo of a crime machine.
Oh, how wonderfully it's running.
Two.
If there is something,
it's not on the precarious side you were on.
So, as, like, for the rest
of you, you've seen Pai make this,
you know, three meter
jump across, landing on
top of this, this metallic air
recycler unit.
Are the rest of you kind of waiting for him to finish?
Or are you going to continue advancing up?
What are you... I'd like to wait for him to
finish messing with the air
recycler because he is, oh, I mean,
he wants to keep so good at tech,
but we just need to have him
be so good. Okay.
Be so good.
What do you see? What do you see, brain?
Ah.
Ah. Ah. I guess I'll do a check.
Check. Check. Check.
Check. Check. Check. Check.
Can I roll dice? Is that cool? Sure.
Bro, you just tech-tech'd on my air recycler.
Bro! Tech-tech! I do a
kickflip with my fingers.
I'd break your knee. Okay, I tell you.
Cool! Um, yeah, you can tell
that this unit appears
to be operating correctly.
Now, while this is going on,
the rest of you,
um, as, as, like,
Pai brain is really focused,
kind of holding onto the side of this thing
with one arm as he's using his combi
tool to check the rest, you start to
see small ripples in the water, and
everything that happens now happens really
quickly, because this
form bursts out of
the water. Um,
what it resembles is this kind of
chitinous, um,
this chitin-coated creature
with these small forelimbs
and these, like, tiny
tentacles coming out of their mouth. It's probably
the size of, like, a big dog,
uh, with this sort of frilled
back. It looks like a mite that's
grown to immense,
immense proportions.
Ah! And I'm just gonna show
this to everybody as it pops out of
the, the water here.
Captain! Your
continued negligence of the subdecks
of your ship is coming back to haunt
you and us! And two
of them burst out. Now, this is, um,
something that's happening on our end.
Um, this is a, uh,
this is a surprise
ambush round, which means
I get to act first, and the
only way any of you can decide to act
is if you want to spend a glory.
That sounds great.
Uh, so. Yeah, I can spend a
glory.
Would you? We have a lot of, we have a lot
of glory. I still, I still, I still get to go
with the first action, though. So
one of them comes out. Right.
Splotches over to
there. And, um,
yeah, so, like, we see Pybrain
is, is really working
on, um, the
side of this and trying to figure it out.
Then this thing bursts out,
out of the water, and
kind of makes this high-speed
jump, like, this just immense
leap towards him. And
as it does so, it begins
flailing with these small
proboscis. And it...
Horrifying.
It does, like, essentially a running
charge at you as it hops out.
Whoop!
Uh, but a two I do not think
will hit your, uh, defense.
It won't! But I'll do a
counterattack. Okay.
Ah! A new thing he got!
Yes! Py recently
bought in his
adventures, if you want to call them that
in the lower deck, a counterattack feat,
which allows me to, when I am targeted,
to make a reflexive action
to attack back. Yeah!
Um, and I will do that right now.
Um...
Do I hit him?
Uh, that will absolutely hit him. What number did you get?
I got a six
for those sitting at home.
Yeah. There you go. I know how
to do the roleplay game.
Yeah, and it has a defensive two,
so you may shift one exalt
if you wish. I would love nothing more.
Yeah! Roll some blamage.
I said
roll some blamage. Roll some
blamage. Let's go, girl!
Tony, let's go!
Oh, yeah. Uh, you
raise up your blade and bring
it down and just
slice through this thing.
And, um, it...
it just looks
like it's going to just completely
die and fall in the water, which it doesn't.
I was like, I'm like,
I was waiting. I wanted to stab
something. Now, at this point,
do any of you want to, uh,
spend glory to interrupt and stop
the other one? I will seize the
initiative and do some bug-sending.
Alright, so we spend one glory for that.
Yeah, let's try the water.
I will not
electrify the water. That would probably be counterintuitive.
I mean, the brain's not
in it.
That is true, I'm not. But it might
destroy the other system, so I will
decline to do that. It's already screwed.
It could be
worse. We don't want to make it worse.
There might be more bugs in the water and you'd be killing them.
Oh, no.
You do hit. You do hit.
You spend your last wrath.
Oh, wait. Uh, my
apologies. You do not hit.
It has a defense of three because it is
currently covered by the water.
Ah. So, you could spend
your wrath to hit, to try
to make that hit.
Or spend a couple glory.
Yeah, or
spend a couple glory. You have four glory
so far. I would like to spend
a glory. So, spend a glory,
see if you get one extra. Just roll like
a d6. Yeah, yeah.
And then, whoop. Nope, you
fucked. Nope.
Lauren, you mark the glory down
for him seizing the initiative, too?
Yes. Okay, cool.
Then it goes. So, yeah,
Pai, you skewer the one that comes
out of the water. Captain Zedek
deft on his feet, does like a hop, turn
shot, and fires. Oh, never mind, never mind.
Um, the other one, attracted
by Zedek's, uh,
arcing misfire, comes
rushing towards you, Captain Zedek.
Uh, it, uh, also
gets charged and makes an attack.
I would like to find some.
So, I would like to raise my
trap card. Chat donated
very early in this stream
to make that a complication.
To make what a complication?
That attack a complication.
Oh, oh. It is a
game-master thing, but, uh, it doesn't
have any grenades, because the person specified
1d4 grenades
get, pins get pulled, but
this does not have a grenade. Oh.
Alack and alas, it does not
have a grenade. But,
what a shame that this flea doesn't have a
grenade. Yes, apologies.
Apologies,
but I will, I will, I will, um,
you know what? I will bank that.
In our, uh, in our complications
list for later.
Grenades, son.
So, now everyone knows, do not
carry grenades. Yeah.
Um, and it, uh, what's your defense,
Captain Zedek? Uh, I,
it is two, but I would have liked to sidestep
as a reflexive action. Okay.
So, and that,
for the masses, what does that do for you?
Sidestep as soon
as my roll 20 does not activate.
You gain double your rank, so plus
two. Defense and resilience,
yes. You can only sidestep
once per round, though.
That's perfectly fine. Cool.
Alright, so yeah, it, uh, it
leaps out and misses. Uh, at this
point, would any of you like to spend- It still
needs to do a complications thing.
We can't bank it to the thing, because they did the thing
for the thing to happen. Okay, fine.
We can't bank those.
That's true enough. Alright.
Um,
that's not good.
Let's see. On the complications
table, what happens to the
ball might?
Uh, that is a, uh,
that won't work, because that would be out of
ammo, and it's using a melee attack.
So we'll try that again.
So we have
25 on the
complications, so that would be
also out of ammo. God damn it.
Come on! Come on!
No!
There we go, that's the better
one. Well, technically, it is.
It doesn't have any ammo.
Fuck off.
Um, okay, it's
proboscises get stuck.
Um,
it's probusci get stuck.
So I'm going to say,
uh, Captain Zedek, what
do you have on you that it's probuscus
gets stuck on when it tries to attack you?
It gets stuck on my
hip flask. Oh, yeah.
It's just like all these wriggling things around.
It's gonna have to make a strength test to
break off.
That's that.
Are any of you going to, uh,
interrupt, uh, with Glory again?
Oh,
no.
No?
I mean, that thing already went.
What else you got?
I don't know. You don't see anything else.
Oh, well, let's just let them happen.
Bring it on.
Okay.
Bring it on, DM.
What's the worst that could happen?
50 more shows.
Something slurps
up from the south.
Coming up and you just hear this squelching
like
as it
crawls up the stairs.
Um,
and you see this lovely
little critter, which looks like a
grub that has these like
various lines of teeth
and it's just like dragging
itself and it kind of turns
the corner and
it's what you guess is it's
sucker mouth rears
back and it looks,
let's out this almost
like keening
whale as it does so
and it spews forth acid
towards you, Captain Zedek.
Oh, dear.
But it crits
you. Of course. Uh, for
five.
Crit that goes through because it's not a mob.
Yeah, and this is
absolutely not a mob, so it
will hit you. It will also
um, shift
one exult because I'm a
jerk bag. Uh,
yeah, so I'll
just roll the damage first just so we
get that.
Uh, so it
only does seven damage, which I think
that does not power. Yeah, he tanks it, just my
resilience. Yeah, that's lower. Um,
and then it
criticals you. So
the critical effect
from its acidic slime
is a
56, which is a bone
shattering impact.
Uh,
crippling blow smashes the foe's body,
reducing arms, legs, and ribs to
fractured splinters. Uh,
you immediately suffer one
D3 plus
one mortal wounds.
Oh, no.
Oh, and that goes through
every mortal wounds that goes
through every, like all your defenses as
this acid hits you and
it hits you in the chest and
just pushes you back.
It breaks your bones with
the projectile acid. Yeah,
you're just a quick
thing because people keep bringing it up and
it's not obvious to a lot of people.
We know this is on the D&D category.
There is no wrath and glory category.
We got nothing.
People only go to the D&D thing. That's why
it's on here. So just just so people
understand because it keeps coming up and
people can be confused. That's why
it's here. We got nothing else,
man. So so so that
like awful critter has
has brought its
way up. Um, would any of
you like to now interrupt
combat or risk that I have more
things that might show up?
Yeah, well, I mean, we kind
of have to attack now, don't we? Well, you'd
have to spend the glory if you want to interrupt.
I'm going to spend the glory, but for a
reason, not because I'm going to do something awesome.
Counter attack makes it
to where I can't move the turn after
I use it. So if I interrupt
now when more shit comes up, I
can move and respond to the threat. So I should
interrupt this.
Interrupt to basically stand there?
Yeah, interrupt to like I'm going to
make a shot. Of course, I'm going to pull out my
pistol and I am going to
make a shot at, um,
this. All right.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
I have I have a statement here, though, because
you've jumped on this thing and you're holding on to it
with one hand arm, right? And I
like I thought I would have landed
technically, I guess. OK, I'll
give it to you. I'll give it to you.
OK, OK, thank you.
It's OK.
OK, thank you. Swap all your guns.
Swap all your guns.
And then you're going to interrupt. Shoot it.
Yes. Cool.
Do it. Nice.
No, you won't. No, no, no.
You got a zero. You wasted it.
Got him. Please mark down
that glory. Yeah.
Can I can I spend a glory to also
go? Uh, well,
no. Now I get to go.
I don't want
you to go. I want you to die.
Well,
another one comes out of the water and goes,
and comes
up like again, this this leaping
flea like creature comes out
and bounding through the water.
And as you fire your shot towards
the grub and miss terribly,
suddenly in your line of sight pie, another
one of these mites comes and it turns
and it's
proboscis begin to
like reach towards you wiggling
as it charges in.
But we'll miss terribly. I cannot
roll any goddamn dice today.
And that's it for me.
Zedek, what are you talking about?
I need to crit all the time.
You broke his bones.
Would you like
to interrupt with a glory point,
Lord? I would like you if it's
okay with read.
Lauren, go ahead. You're going to psychic
kill. Yes, that is the
plan. I look at
the pond, thine enemy,
and I do this special thing.
You do know it's happening
called explodey.
So that
area.
Yeah, so that area is basically
me doing flaying breath.
It's all going to be captured
both of those. So I basically look at that
area like we looked at the rule
and stuff that actually supposed to be way bigger
because of how meters is measured
and stuff because we're using a traditional
grid. We decided to kind of keep it like this.
So it's
so yeah, so I now do flame, but
it would be bigger than that. Yeah, it would
be bigger than that. It would be ridiculous.
So I'm basically looking
trying to get both of them in there and I go,
Oh,
this is a large
psychic test.
I need a five and I got a
fucking 11. Yeah.
And I am going to boost
the thing. I have to open a
fucking spell tome every
single time I do this. Please forgive me. That takes
five years for me to do this. I can
heighten up to the
additional damage and do additional damage
or make to make it a large blast, because I don't
think we want that. So
I want to. So I basically need
I just need to do difficulty
five to make this happen. So I have one, two, three,
four, five. So I want to do two of
those dies to make it two more
additional damage die on
top of the two. I already roll.
Now I'm going to roll damage. That is
19 total
damage to both of those things.
I look at it.
But
the giant
explosion happens there.
I will spend a rune point
to keep this one alive.
I bring you fucking real
dog as you as you wash
flame over everything and
then the grub as the flames
recede, some sort of dark
power has reached down
from the cosmos and spared this
grub. I narrow my eyes
and go the wall
the wall. It
wiggles at you.
And
then I
am going to go again
and have another one pop
out.
Ah.
And once again, it's
just like rushing forward and basically like
bounding out of the water, bloosh, bloosh, bloosh,
bloosh, and goes towards pie
and recoils back with blood
sucking proboscis that it attempts to attack by
as anyone.
Ah, yes, there's the critical. Good,
good, good, good.
And I were. What's your defense
by three, five?
Oh, your defense is five. God damn.
You just I still
hit you. I need to update our sheet
in on the Arno overlay because I have you here
for four. But if you upgrade,
I'm five in our combat
because of power. Oh, OK. It's
default for me. OK, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I will roll damage, which will probably
do like nothing, but we'll see as
it's like you've now like take
you've seen, you know, one come towards you.
You've slashed it down. You fired it
another one. One jumped in front
of you and then was washed away in psychic
flame. And then this third one,
the fourth one really comes out
and just gets in your face and
first of all, I'm going to roll damage
is probably not going to do anything. You had to
like seven, which I don't think even comes
close to touching you. But then
the crit effect.
Which is a
32, which on
the critical effects is a merciless
strike blow
to the foe's body, steals breath from their
lungs, pulverizing their innards with a nasty
crunch. So like it's the
tentacles from its proboscis are in your
face and kind of obscure your vision.
But the force behind its leaping
towards you impacts your chest plate,
pushing it in slightly and you suffer
a mortal wound.
I like
how these things have hurt us more
just by brunt force than their actual
anything. Oh yeah, their actual
attacks. Absolutely.
He was enjoying the fact
that everyone except him is very
badly hurt so far. That's
that is the end of
anything I have. Hold on.
Counter attack.
You can only take one reaction to turn.
Yeah, but I can use it up
to my rank times, too. Oh, can you?
Oh, nice.
There you go. Good, good, good.
Okay.
So here we go.
Oh, yeah.
What's the complication?
Oh, what is the complication?
Let's find out. I do
hit though, right? Find out.
While he's looking that up,
you have a wrath.
I meant to tell you way before, but
you have one. Oh, nice.
Thank you. No, not
brain read. Oh, I've got
an extra one. Okay, cool. Yeah, you have one now.
So based read.
Don't say based. I hate
you. I'm based
dangerously
based. See here
dangerously cheesy
dangerously.
Yeah. Okay.
So I'm going to use one from one of
our folks who,
uh, put in. I'd like to thank, uh,
mystery gamer zero nine
for this one. Um,
when swinging an
energy powered weapon, the energy
arcs between you and your opponent. So
you go to swing. You do manage to land
a blow, but there's this arc of energy
that comes back towards you.
Um, and
you are temporarily
blinded
by the light.
Nice.
What does blinded do to me?
Well, I have, uh, shown the thing,
but you increase the DN for any
combat test by four.
Um, and then,
you know, other things as I deem
appropriate. Uh, but you may roll damage, which
I'm sure will kill this poor little might.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I absolutely will.
Yes, yes, this poor, poor little
creature. Go damage!
It's thirteen!
Thirteen, good. It's
dead. Surprise!
Uh,
I hate you. Oh! I...
I think
I forgot something.
Ha ha ha ha! Do you want good
news, everybody? No.
Yes, please. Yes!
Um,
can you up my rune count
by, by two?
Two?
Okay. Because
I've got two criticals on you,
and every time I get a critical,
I get a rune dice.
Oh. I will blow you up.
You need to blow me up.
Come blow me up. Uh, alright, so that's the end
of the first combat round. We come into
what is actually the non-ambush round.
Uh, who wants to go first?
I would like to go first and kill this parasite attack.
Wait, did Reeb even get
the go? That was all a
surprise round, and all of you just burned
glory to keep seizing the initiative.
So that's why it cost you
all your glory.
At least let Reeb go first. Yeah.
Yeah, I'd like to quickly
just...
Ah!
Da-dum-de-dum-de-dum-de-dum.
Medicaid.
Oh, to try to identify
this thing? I want a Medicaid to heal
Zedek, because he is very low on health.
Aw, fine! Yeah, give me a medication.
Oh, that works.
Aw, jeez, fellas.
Ah!
See? You win a little bit, Jim.
Jeez!
Um, okay, so...
I forget, every single time we complicate, you get like a
rune die, right?
So you can...
No, no, no, not when you guys complicate.
No, no, no. I'll shift one
to increase the amount that I heal.
Yeah, so you'll heal him for two.
So he'll still be wounded.
The complication...
Roll me 1d6.
1d6.
1d6, 1d6, 1d6,
1d6, 1d6.
5. Ooh.
Okay, perfect.
Yeah, so you are applying...
Here's the complication that I'm going to say.
It's Harsh Environment.
Something in the environment changes.
So you come, and you are
applying all of this medical assistance
to Captain Zedek. However, I'm going to say
that the complication here is
that while Zedek is fighting this thing
and you are behind him applying
this, that Zedek
as a result loses his footing and will fall
into the water. He won't fall or be
prone. He'll just be in the water.
Oof. And I'm going
to splash you there. How deep
is it? It's waist high, so he lands
in and it's just up to you.
That's what I was doing for Medicaid. I just put like a fucking
ding king on his chest and fixed it.
Yeah, exactly. So you get
two wounds back, but you're like
in the middle of fighting this insect thing,
and then you kind of step forward and
lose your footing, but manage to sidestep
a little bit to land in the water, not
falling prone.
Well, that's unfortunate.
Thank you,
Reeb.
There is this, like, keening
cry from the little
curse, unless any of you want to seize the
initiative at this point and go
before me. I have one glory left. Can we save
it for assisting on a roll?
That's a good idea. Okay.
I mean, I could spend it
and blow this thing away.
The slime thing, so we just roll the grub.
Well, I think we're
good. Alright, alright, so wait.
Okay, there's a little curse
mighty dude over here.
Actually,
no, no, no, no. The sludge, the
sludgy grub goes. This is what I feared.
The sludge grub goes.
And you know what?
Its sludgy little wiggle
face turns towards you,
Lorne. Fuck you.
I seize the initiative.
Can I attack the glory?
And it
spews forth.
Attack the glory!
Would you like to seize the initiative, Lorne?
Yes!
I merely
cast my... I'm a tiny
wizard, okay? Anything that touches me, I
nearly die.
I cast smite. I cast
fucking smite at it.
It's...
I obviously got the expenses.
It just takes any mortal wound that goes through it.
I just...
Zoran?
You motherfucker.
Next time I see you at a convention after
this pandemic shit, I'm gonna fucking
punch you. Do you understand me?
Will you mark me down that route?
I won't kill you!
I swear to
God I will!
Please mark me down the rune point.
You son of a fuck.
The
sludge grub continues to wiggle
a bit.
I believe that brings me
to my activation. Go fuck
yourself.
You know, Zedek kind of
sidestepped and, like, moved into the
water, and the curse smite
beside him was definitely attacking,
but, like, as... as...
you know, what does your smite
look like, Lorne?
It's just about, like, you know, from the Dawn of War thing,
it's just like... like a big thing of
lightning that goes right through.
Yeah, so there's just a blast of lightning
that goes towards the grub and hits all the ground beside
it because it doesn't hit the grub. And that light
seems to attract the attention
of the curse smite beside you.
Oh, God!
You're so awful!
Turns away from Zedek, and
its blood-sucking proboscises
sort of look at you as they reach
out towards your face, Lorne.
So, I have... I have, like,
a cover advantage or something
because I'm on higher ground, right?
Yes. And you complicated!
Fuck you! I do! What is your defense?
It's...
It's one. Okay, cool, so
I'm still gonna hit you, but I'll complicate, so
that'll be fine.
And the cover means I can't shift
that exalt, so that's good for you.
So I won't get extra damage on this.
Let's... let's roll me
2d6 for my combat complication.
Uh, 55. What's
that mean?
Oh! Actually, I forgot
something. I'm a bad person.
Before I can do any of this, I have
to make a strength test to see
if I got unstuck from the hip flask.
Hmm...
Which I don't!
So, I am, uh...
I am not doing any of that, and
that is my action, so, uh...
So, Lorne... Lorne is spared
because this curse smite is still attached
to the hip flask. The booze is
saving me for another day!
Hooray! I've gone to remind myself.
Uh, who wishes to go next?
I would like to go next.
Yeah.
You pernicious little
parasite! That was my father's!
I'll kill you for this!
I will attack him with my power sword.
Yeah, please. Please do.
Zappy time. Zappy.
Jesus!
Go!
We got a brain tear roll over here.
Yeah, so... Die!
There's an 8 and a critical.
Or the power sword attack from...
Yeah. Shift 2.
Yeah. It's dead. Spoiler alert.
It's dead, and I'm not spending a rune to keep it alive.
Oh, you don't... You don't wanna...
You don't wanna pin your little rune points
to fuck us over?
No, I don't.
That's my thought.
So, how do you kill this thing, Captain Zedek?
As it's strapped to your booze.
Uh, as I see it
stuck in my father's hip flask,
I unsheathe my power sword,
light it up, bring it down, and just kind of...
very slowly saw through it.
I could cut it in half, but I really
hate this thing.
Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The hair's a little screened.
Okay.
Um, let's see here.
Um,
so the sludge grub.
It's
gonna go now.
Mm-hmm.
Hey, Lorne.
Suck.
It's kind of, like, wiggling back a bit.
You know? Uh-huh.
And then its mouth opens up, and it just kind of goes
with all of this
acidic spittle flying
towards you. Let's see what happens.
I know what's gonna happen.
Ha! My defense is one!
Oh, good. Good, good, good, good.
I will roll the damage
for this, then.
For nine damage. What's your resilience?
Six.
So would you, uh, roll
determination on that? Yeah.
I am a glass
cannon. This is why
I'm standing right here.
Mm-hmm. Let's see. Let's see.
Determination. Whoop!
I made two of them, so I take, like, one.
So you take one. Yeah.
So you are wounded now.
So everyone is wounded but Reeb.
That was its attack action.
And then what it does
is it walks this way.
And it leaves.
And it just, like, starts
going,
whoop, whoop.
Whoop! Down the stairs as it, like,
pulls itself along,
uninterested in you now.
Who would like to go next?
Well, I think I'm the only one that hasn't gone.
Uh, that's true.
Yes.
So here's my question to you.
Now, Pybrain is from an oceanic
forge world, which means that he likely
has spent a lot of time
around huge sludge pits like this one.
This machine is
an air purifier.
Would it be possible
to commandeer?
To, instead of, say,
purify the air,
to funnel this sludge water
and begin purifying it
with a few modifications?
Uh, uh, that would be
something that would take place out of combat.
Okay.
Well, in that case...
If you're assuming, like, oh, that's it, then fine.
But I don't know if you're wanting to track
this thing down.
Uh, well, I'm not gonna be able to move
because I counterattacked.
Um, and...
And I can't see the creature anymore.
No, you can because didn't you, uh, didn't you
glory last round to shoot so you could
specifically act this round?
I did, but then I counterattacked after it as well.
Oh, that's right.
Yeah, true enough.
Yeah.
So, uh, I would only really be able to
be useful to the party by this.
Maybe I can begin the process on this machine.
Maybe it won't work right now.
But maybe later on it can...
Yeah.
Complicated.
I look forward to this.
Nice.
Yeah.
Here it comes.
Here it comes.
I am no Miamino!
I am a tech priest!
You, yeah, you shout this and crack open
one of the panels and begin looking at it.
And you're like, oh, okay, there's maybe
some stuff you could do here to, to clear
out the gunk in this thing and maybe have
it do more to the water, which is what it
should also be working on.
Uh, hey, GM, can I, while he's messing
around with this thing, can I quickly
Medicaid learn?
Uh, well, we're still technically an
initiative, so...
Oh, are we?
Yes.
This thing just walked away.
It didn't, it didn't, like, it didn't...
It just left.
Yeah.
It just walked away.
Um, but that does bring us to the start of
the next round.
Who wants to go?
Reeb, you can go first.
Uh, I will Medicaid learn, like I said.
Absolutely.
Get rekt, Thurston.
You can't stop me.
Oh, I see how the...
Ooh.
I can, yeah, that's right.
I can, I can stop you.
I look at my mortality and frown.
Um...
Yeah, 1d6.
Let's see what we get here.
Yeah.
Well, that was, that brings me up to full, so I'm...
I'm good.
Um, hmm, okay.
Uh, so you would lose some kind of item on your person as a result of this.
I will lose one of my, uh, stims.
I kind of end up dipping it into, uh, Lorne's head.
Because you just assume it's psychological damage he suffered before you...
I just kind of, like, have it torn in my, in my coat sleeve.
So I like lean down to help out Lorne, and it just kind of goes swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Swoop.
Um, okay.
Um, I own drugs.
And, uh, you got a rune pulling, by the way.
Um, why did I get a rune?
Oh, did someone give me a rune?
Because people donate.
That's perfect.
Uh, the sludge grub comes back.
Hey, Lorne.
Fuck you.
It looks at you.
I look at it.
It sort of...
quivers in anticipation
I call it a piece of shit
that's what I do
I call it a piece of shit it spits at you
and it crits me
stop giving yourself such hubris
my dude
now you're
full on ruin
I am full on ruin
and it does 8 points of damage and let's find out
what the crit is
fluggy spitties
outlaw determination
and I want to get one
26 is
ferocious rending
I don't know how acid rends you
but it sure does
it's full of teeth
you suffer 1d3 mortal wounds
nice
is it 3?
let's find out
it is 3
I go like
cut up everybody
whoosh
and I'm down on the ground
yeah you're all like
celebrating your victory
you know
Reem has healed you
put the good drugs in you
and then the grub
comes back up the stairs
turns the corner
and just
shoots another blast
of its spittle
towards you
that
burns through your chest plate
and then starts going into your innards
ripping some of them apart
um
yeah
that's
that's
cool
uh
I just
so now
so now you're at 0
which is
which is fun
um
so I'm just standing here
huh
I'm just gonna be
standing right here
yeah
so if you suffer more wounds
than your maximum number of wounds
uh
you are
you are dying
you um
you
mhm
mhm
you fall prone
did that already
and
you
can roll me
1d6
1d6
huh
1d6
1d6
I got a 5
you are better than Lord
it's better than 1
it is
it's better than 1
uh
it's better than 1
uh
uh
you
you now have a twitch
you now have a twitch
that's your memorable injury
from this thing
so I'm going to assume
you now twitch
anytime you see
any kind of insect
no
when I say a grub
when you see specifically
a grub
okay
okay
um
I'll
eat maggots
Thurston will remember this
um
and if you would take
any more wounds
you might suffer
a traumatic injury
but otherwise
you're
oh wait
um
no no no yeah that that is correct
next session we're gonna get
a call from our fucking boss be like
if you see an assassin or you're going to go
to gromulon 7
i'll just start throwing
shit with psychic powers like darth vader
no
who wants to go next
all captain book card all right who wants to go next
so reeve and lauren
have gone i i'll
i'll go okay
hating this thing which has collapsed my ribcage
which thankfully reeve had fixed
i'm going to charge
sweet
gonna swoop up to him and then i'm gonna
cut him in half with my power sword
attack roll i'd be happy to
sweet
i get a bonus i respect
this
i would like to re-roll
uh you do have one
you want to avoid the complication but
i know i want to avoid the complication
sweet do it up
do it up
you'll hit him
roll 2d6
right sorry
keep going keep going
so roll 2d6 for the combat complication
so 62
which is
uh
uh
you are
restrained
um so something you do
like actually restrains
you um and you do
seven damage
to it
um
um so so
on your own
amount to zeros
now what we think
that the
next minutes
is so
potential
looking
mr
how is the
my room
looking
yeah
can i
ruined
yeah
yeah
is
you
gonna
spin
the next
fucking
30 minutes
fighting
one
goddamn
grub
and run
out of time
gave these
ruins to him
you saw how it
is um
so yeah you
you throw out your back slightly making that charge and you now suffer the restrained condition which i will show to everyone knows my cries in the next segment don't trash
show to everyone here um i have a plea if anyone from games workshop fucking watches this show
could next time when you talk to the developers this game tell them to say
go fuck yourself with their own point system to where you can keep
using it every fucking time because i'm a bit miffed
um hi brain would you like to go i think i would like to go okay so in another turn
do you think i'll have this machine working um so i forgot something that's pretty important
uh you're also doing this while blind so oh let's take a quick rewind uh so so i assume
just continue yeah yeah i i assume you ripped off the panel and that was your blinded action
of getting into it um however now you can you like your your site is restored this round
so okay cool we can continue if you want though you've seen this
one grub has like fucking yeah yeah yeah i'm looking at lauren on the ground i'm looking
at zedek in peril and be like i am more than just a tech priest i am a skitarii as well
and i'm going to run at him yeah destroy your microphone one day all right perfect i there's
okay so there's a lot of things that happen at this point um first of all as you run you kind
of see the blockage down here oh i like it's all the people brain killed
which is a whole bunch of corpses a dozen i've signed the case i'm still dead uh on on the
great um and as you sort of see this you you start to notice um there are some other nasty
critters like on the corpse mound my body vibrates this is this is like one of the most horrific
things you have
ever seen in in your existence as these these like awfully grayish partially jellified bodies
have all filled up in the sewer canal and they're all of these like creatures crunching and moving
around them and you also get the faintest like audible as though coming from beyond the great
some kind of chilling chuckle from some other
entity um so the first thing i need you to do is to give me a fear check so that's gonna be some
resolve um it's gonna be your thing boss difficulties three on this ah good
perfect you're not
the next thing because you are seeing something that just is not like the these type of creatures
are not natural but the way they're coming out of these bodies
is this is this is some kind of like awful warp fuckery um i also need you to give me a conviction
uh rule this is a corruption test as you see something that is so corrupting just having
witnessed it sure thing ah another three okay okay um so that's that's very good that's that's
actually very good you pass which is the important thing if you complicate on a fail you actually take
double the corruption test and you're like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so
sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry
uh and corruption can never be restored uh so you are like you you are aghast at this but
don't have any like bad effects to that uh would you and also i don't gain any room because if you
fail either of those tests i give them um please uh please give me an attack roll on the grub i
would love nothing more yes i see uh not on my sheet i don't see where i am on there i was in
the wrong place
but i raised my sword to crash down upon this awful grub
and whenever roll 20 feels like passing that i believe we must pray for
the first one you hit it you definitely hit all right i'll be shifted over three exalted
die though i don't know if i need to no might as well he's just gonna round point it and make
sure it's a good one yeah so you take 16 damage i decided the dark powers are are okay the grub is
gone and i'll raise my sword out and i'll say let them who think they know no fear look well
you're all bugs um all right that's the end of that combat round uh start up the next combat
round who would like to go first
i would but i'm dead well you're you're prone and dying you can still take a move for a combat or
reeb could try to heal you again so like can i actually do things you yeah you're not like
unconscious or anything there is no unconscious in this game really nice i do want to say one
thing before my turn ends can i quickly yeah yeah i just want to look over and say gentlemen what i
am beholding is vile beyond description you may wish to brace yourself or avert your gaze in
entirely and allow me to purge this area okay please tell me i'll help please tell me you're
crawling yeah yeah i'm crawling the entire time first of all yeah okay so before reeb can do
anything you just fucking break into this initiative you you drag yourself i'm gonna
narratively let you do this because what the fuck why not um like crawl crawl over uh give me a fear
test so give me a resolve test first cool cool does anyone have any objections by the way i can
just go back if someone want to do something
no it's really funny okay i gotta find where the hell my resolve the oh god
freaking that's i'm finding it it's somewhere in the thing it is a thing in which i click
that was not originally in the thing where's the d wait wait i found it i found it good job
i found it resolve i think that's wrong but regardless yeah you know that's that's right
because it's willpower based and yeah i thought i had more internal power but no it's crazy
um yeah i'm good now now give me a conviction test okay okay now we gotta find where the hell
that is on this awesome sheet that we use you know because it's filling up the dead air so we're all
not just yeah it's like it's like just like a conviction yes yes i'm going good okay you also
passed the conviction test okay um though you are slightly disturbed seeing more of the grub
friends down there um all right so you see them uh
what are you going to do i'm just going to click this thing and put it right over the bodies
nice now here's here's my question right okay is that is that flame breath or is that the molten
beam that's flame breath because moldy also has that template no that should be a direct thing
that's not a multi molten beam is one straight thing unless i've
it is that's a straight line for 10 meters that's a straight like thing that goes forward
um the thing basically travels along a straight line for 10 meters in a direction you choose
that's not like striking targets using a medium i just read that too uh
what you're saying is that you could bolt and beam and melt all of the bodies all of the grubs
thank you
thank you for this clarification i will do so i kind of gm giveth the gm give away and i am going
to use a wrath die to re-roll the failed ones on that even though i did succeed because i it goes
to the target defense i just want more so re-roll that i now have a seven total and i assume i have
enough to hit all of them you hit everything in there and i i'm not even going to use rune or
anything like that you just you purge everything in that hole um in a matter of moments all of the
grubs are gone the corpses are gone everything in fact um that that grub is gone um so for reference
this is how much damage it would have done so i will roll this it it does base 18 damage is
basically a psychic melta gun and i failed the roll the other day and i'm like oh my god i'm
damaged but regardless of just i just basically dragon ball z it laying down prone and i just
collapse and solve the issue and with that the water begins to flow freely through and you start
to see the the color and like though you you hear the faintest though it quickly disappears
chuckling sound that just quickly disappears
help me are you okay lauren now i require medical attention from our way okay reeb fix this man's
weak broken body reeb's just casually walking over yep help me help me i i put on a rubber
glove with a oh god no
what do you think is what is the point
uh yeah so with your medicaid you can restore two two wounds to uh but you you get him you get
him up and running and all of you kind of have a moment to to catch your breath having having
cleared the blockage that's in the system reporting i have doesn't or i have detected
that this blockage is now dealt with you have succeeded
good
there are only several hundred more tasks left for you captain zedek
well we have a long boat ride captain zedek let's keep going on it may we please endeavor to get a
hold of the engineering staff the ones that are not murdered at the moment to actually get some
of these done no there will be no need i will do it myself
are all right okay
is this tegton
this is this f-ing tegton no
this foolish tech priestess has laid claim to folly at the feet of lemuria i will prove
out wrong or you will die with me trump i will die die the brain brain make but it would
be far more effective if you could show that you could get an engineering team that does a better job than her because the if you could show
that you could get an engineering team that does a better job than her because now you have this black cast覺
all right all right what do you say programming team we come we're only tag team and a second team
as many people have all gone i get my perform lashes hey ray what are you doing you're on my
Australia you're gonna get some scandals all right reading jack but pens simple paper what
you homie had to do a minimum amount of
training and effort to beat her expertise.
Are you saying
that you're willing to help me with the
engineering team?
I'm willing to help you with the engineering team.
Lord, you are the best friend I could ever
ask for. Oh, Messiah,
bless you. And you, Zedek,
thank you for volunteering.
And you, Reem, too.
I'm feeling that this was a critical error
in my judgment.
Let's get to it.
And I assume we return back
up
the thing.
Yeah, are we going?
You exit
the septic unit for
having cleared the problem,
making yourselves
somewhat heroic
in terms of the lower population
on the vessel, having
defeated the servants of the excremental
and brought order
to the septic units
of the debt collector.
And with that, we end
with Lieutenant Ransom
contacting you, Captain Zedek.
Sir, we will be
translating out of the warp to meet
with Minister Mollerad and catch you
Van Nord for our next assignment shortly.
Fantastic,
Ransom.
Send a shower
servitor up to my quarters, I need
to think. Also send the alcohol
servitor, too.
Understood, sir.
I will get the servitors online.
Thank you. That is all.
And with that,
we are done
for today's session.
Hooray!
Jack!
Jack!
So,
with that, thank you all so much
for watching this episode of Warhounds.
We hope you've absolutely
enjoyed it. And as a quick
reminder for everyone, after
episode five, things do get adjusted
on how these are kind of brought
up and presented. Please be sure to check
out our Patreon page, where we use that as
kind of like a blog system to keep everyone up to date.
Please look at our past posts there. It is
patreon.com forward slash
warhams, where you can kind of get all that
up and going. And give us your
complications and servitor names,
because I need more complications.
So, basically, when you
help out with the complications, be sure to check out
the post where we're asking for it. We'll try to
do a better system at some point.
I agree that our currency is not
the greatest, but we are getting your complications
when you...
You contribute to the thing. Here's a link
to the link. You can also check all the information
down below to help out Warhams and help spread the
word. I'll put a link there for the
link tree that kind of gives you all the relevant
links about Warhams, Twitter, Patreon,
YouTube videos, etc.
And along with that,
unfortunately, we did not hit our goal thing, but
it's always time for next time. If we are
able to hit a thousand current viewers, we will be giving
away a thing. So, please
tell your friends, tell your Discord channels,
tell everybody that you know
all about Warhams. We would greatly,
greatly appreciate it. And thank you
once more to everyone who has subscribed,
donated to the show, and
everything else. So, I'm going to go around the horn
here once to
remind you of who your
illustrious players are,
starting with our
Skitarii swordsman.
Yes! Hello, I'm Speaker
D. If you enjoy my brain,
you may follow me on
my Twitter at SuperSnakeKick,
or you can follow my YouTube channel,
which is also SpeakerD.
Along with
that, our illustrious inquisitorial
acolyte.
Yes, this is Erndil. You can
reach me at Twitter, at
Erndilio, because Erndil was taken for
some reason. I don't do a
whole lot there. Sorry, keep going. My bad.
That was it.
Okay, and our illustrious rogue
trader, captain of the debt collector
is... It's me,
HokeyCrow. If you enjoyed my
antics and my foregoing alcoholism,
you can feel free to reach out to me.
At HokeyCrow on Twitter.
It's essentially the only social I use and keep
up to date. DM me your weird
questions or find out my darkest secrets.
And our illustrious
game master who has been fucking
at top of his own points.
Hello!
Thurston Hillman here.
You can find me at all the things at
OnCallGM.
I post occasional thoughts and
stuff on Twitter. I maybe, you know,
posted like a book I was reading
yesterday as research that was
kind of important.
For some of the stuff this session.
So if you want to see cool things
and stuff, I post them on the tweeters.
And with that, I would
like for us to get ready for a raid
that we're about to go send you all to.
So please stay in for the outro. So, you know,
we've been trying to switch some systems over
to stream elements and stream labs
that we're probably going to miss and like ending credits
and stuff like that. Thank you all for bearing with us
for some of the technical issues. Love you all
so very much. Please, please, please
pay attention to our Twitters and our
Patreon stuff for major updates.
For the show, because after episode five, as we said
with our first announcements video, things
are going to be massively changing
on some things in here. We also going to have
to put a vote on basically going.
Is this even a thing you guys enjoyed
to where if we're going to still keep going with this or not?
So thank you all so very much.
We will see you all next
time. I think I have
the schedule right
here as I switch the thing around.
We'll be back August 22nd.
Please put that on your calendars.
Please let people know that we're
coming back on August 22nd
and I think today
it's today. Hokey, your birthday was the
other one. It is
today. It is my birthday.
It is Captain Zedek Day.
It is Captain Zedek Day.
So happy birthday, Hokey.
Thank you very much, Zoran.
Thank you, speaker.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday.
So with that, we're going to now start shutting it down.
Thank you all so much for being here.
We'll catch you next time. Happy Warhamming,
everybody.
Happy Captain Zedek Day.
Happy Captain Zedek Day.