WarHams - Narrative Declaration

three two one go excellent sexy all right everybody are you ready for another episode of
traumatic edition hurt me plenty greetings
welcome back everyone i completely forgot how to do everything we haven't been able to
hop on this for a while oh god yeah things that's kind of occurred everything else there's a lot of
things that happen in the back but welcome back everybody to warhams 40k i'd like to introduce
everybody you know if you forgot who we were in everything uh first off the one who's been
playing your guitar arranger speaker d i am speaker well i'm speaking
and i'm playing this man that's all you have to know for today i love you i kill you
next up an inquisitorial acolyte re van horn played by erndl hi yeah i write for the i write
for uh alpha busa at this point because i'll write for tts no more
i thought you were about to start the jurassic
yeah i jenny i
everyone
everyone
always assumes i'm gonna do jurassic park but no that is the sad hulk theme they have very
similar intros it's like you have like the same scene it's like it's like oh my god they do move
in herds and it's a bunch of gw lawyers
moving on i guess we're moving on okay
i'm gonna keep a good attitude i play this action cycle on
buddy
we're off
in playing a rogue trader playing captain zedek
that's me i'm hokey crow i i do some voice acting for mr alphabuse and a couple of his
cool friends and other projects but uh yeah i don't know i don't know about you but i'm going to do some voice acting for mr alphabuse
and some other projects but uh
But yeah, I do a lot of funny,
screamy shouting stuff.
I'm here to...
I mean, I already had my emotional trauma
last episode, so I think we're done with that.
Hulky, you sound especially New Yorker today.
Yeah, I was just about to say.
God damn it.
I've worked so hard to get rid of that accent.
Why?
I miss my old Jersey accent.
I am a beast of no nation.
Yeah, Joisey.
Get on with it.
Ysko's pride is dead.
I do enjoy the mental
gear shifts we have to make
to be like, oh, not TTS anymore.
This...
Alphabusa.
Alphabusa and Alphabusa Incorporated.
A product of the
Alphabusa universe.
We suckle on the teats of the enormous Swede.
A big Swede.
A deer band.
Speaker D has left the server.
Yeah, well, Speaker D
would no longer be appearing in any war.
Hey, who are you?
Oh, Thurston.
Oh, hello.
Wow, way to bury the lead there.
Hi.
Wait, no, Zoran, introduce me.
We have to keep a similar order.
I was getting there,
but I was waiting for a pause of uncommentary.
So the one who will be leading us
through these adventures today
is our very own Game Master
that we captured.
I'm like a fucking Pokemon.
Like, did you find me and like threw a ball?
And it's like,
ah, this is how you collect Game Masters now.
Yeah, well, we found you.
We found you.
I'm Thurston under the Moo truck.
Yeah, we've been saving the Master Ball for this one.
All right.
Well, hi, I'm Thurston.
I'm called GM and I'm going to be the GM.
And just because things are weird right now
doesn't mean I'm going to relent
on my psychological torment
and emotional destruction of our players
because that's what we do around here.
We do the ha ha funnies and the pain train.
That's me.
So wonderful.
Do we have any?
I don't think we have any folks watching over
Tater Tot today, do we?
No, I did not get a list of those yet.
So we'll we'll we'll update it next week.
Next time.
Next time.
Can I make a small announcement?
What's up?
I just wanted to announce, ironically, today
I'm wearing my Ultramarines t-shirt.
Wow.
Such a coincidence.
Oh my goodness.
Yeah.
That's that's really great.
Free advertising.
You're doing.
Can you mark him down a wrap?
In fact, mark him down both wrap points.
I'm wearing the shirt for the rest of the episode.
Speaker, why are you wearing your license?
Well, not license.
Warhams tank top that you can find.
You're right.
Do we sell those?
I hope we do.
We do.
Actually, I'm wearing a Warhams t-shirt right now.
What's your excuse, guys?
I never got that.
I never got pie hard.
I there's, you know, I need.
I paid for it myself.
Because I support the thing we do.
Oh, you know, I'm not.
No, I know.
I forgot.
Bully.
I don't even have a pie hard poster.
Oh, my God.
I love that.
Now that like TTS is kind of on hiatus.
Our intros are just like complete anarchy.
It's wonderful.
It's fine.
It's fine.
We're getting it.
We're getting into it.
This is the fans are here to listen to us.
Be like this.
I can build you up before I tear you down.
That's right.
So, Thurston, what adventure do you have for us today?
All right.
So last time on the exciting worlds of Warhams,
our intrepid band of chuckle fucks woke up on a in a cave in a strange icy planet,
which they quickly realized was a different planet in the Fimbria system where we've spent the last kind of major part of our arc.
And after doing some exploration, they found a camp and the dead remains of a crewman.
And then they were approached by a strange Xenos of the Eldari race who brought them back to the cave and explained a whole bunch of big lore dump episode.
We learned that one slayer bugger go to fucker be four of his name seems to be collecting shards of some kind of strange entity.
Some some ancient being of power.
And the Eldari believe that our chuckle fucks are somehow interconnected with this.
And so are assisting our players by getting them to where they need to be by traveling through their ancient device known as the Webway portal,
through space and perhaps some cases time and are a band entered into this realm,
a sort of broken down part of of the ancient.
Teldari-Wibwe network,
and in there they
traveled for some time, during
which they encountered a door,
and upon entering that door,
they found themselves
in what appeared to be like a gala
party room, and
there was everyone in there showering
praise upon Zedek,
and it quickly
became apparent that there
was more going on as some kind of malign
entity who
was claimed to be Zedek's father,
was approaching, and the
rest of our party managed
to support Zedek as best
they could, even Reeb slightly,
as
Zedek fought back
the temptations of the strange
dark powers that were
being thrust upon him, and in
the end, with his rejection and the
power of friendship,
our band managed to find their
way back onto the path they were
trotting through, the strange
labyrinthine network of
the Weebway, yes, I'm just gonna call it the
Weebway now, sorry everyone, that's the new term,
and sort of
walking through this dimension
gone wrong, and as they've been doing that,
they came upon another door, what appeared
to be some sort of sealed
airlock, which they were
looking to enter, they finally
managed to activate it and go in,
and as these sort of pneumatic doors
opened and hissed, our party
finds themselves entering
what is an
absolutely
perfect
laboratory.
The door opens, and each of our
characters enters into an area
that is filled
with cryogenic stasis
tubes, there's
all sorts of medicaid equipment,
servitors are
lining the walls along
with cogitator units, and
there are very clearly
additional servitors that are moving
along, piping at the
ceiling, moving around,
diagnoster equipment,
um, this is perhaps
one of the most
well-stocked
laboratories any of you
have ever entered in your lives.
Oh, fancy!
Everyone's like just picking up like
random scalpels of like a table
and looking in, they look at all the tubes,
and like, uh, reeb,
what's in this one? And he kind of taps.
Why are you asking
me?
In fact, I just want, I don't know what this is.
Look at it, it looks weird.
We will go over to whatever
he's gesturing at, and we'll look
at what's in the tube.
Sure, it appears to be some kind of
transfusion device for blood.
Well,
if you happen to be missing any blood,
this would be able to restore it to you.
It's all
very standard equipment, and a
well-stocked,
medical laboratory.
Reeb's saying that with a
very noticeable note of
irritation.
Master Van Horn,
one of the
servitors on the ceiling mount,
speaks down to you.
Hmm.
Master, huh?
Yes, Master
Van Horn, would you
like us to begin
the next project?
Eh,
jog my memory, servitor.
What is the next project?
The elimination of the
virus on Sanctum
4. We have
various biological
solutions in testing
that could eliminate the pathogen.
Can I do a quick, does that name
seem familiar at all? Because it doesn't to me.
I'm assuming this is obviously in what would be
assumedly the future.
You can give me some kind of
test? Absolutely. What kind of test do you want to make
to a scholar? I'll do
a scholar, sure.
That seems the most sensible
at this time. I'm ruling.
Ruled.
Ruled. School days.
That gets me seven successes.
Yeah, there are several planets
in the Imperium called Sanctum. There's
probably at least eight planets in the
Imperium named Sanctum. All of them
generally are pretty populous worlds,
so, you know, like, you
realize that, like, if there's some kind of
plague or whatnot on one of these worlds, it would be
pretty, uh, pretty massive.
Very well. What is
the status of the
vaccination or
inoculation or whatever we're working on at this
moment? The cure,
we believe, has
a 99.5%
success rate.
Per your orders,
we are increasing
tests to achieve
99.8.
I do like 99.8.
It's one of my favorite numbers.
Yes, well, keep it up.
We shall continue
compliance, and, like,
the ceiling tour turns and sort of,
like, scoots down towards a
wall alcove where it begins inputting
information.
Reap's gonna look for a
desk that one would
sit at, presumably, in this laboratory.
Yeah, you turn, like,
around to look, and your eyes immediately
catch one.
Like, a fine
wooden desk, uh,
like, the front of which has, like,
an inquisitorial rosette
symbol on it.
Yeah, there we are.
Gentlemen,
this way, if you please.
Oh.
Guide everyone over to the desk
so I can begin pouring over
it, I guess, because this is all
very suspicious.
Yeah, and you come there, and there's two
stacks of paper. Uh, the first
stack that you see appears to be, um,
noted astropathic
communications from various
settlements sending their thanks
to Master Van Horn
for your
work against various
pathogens or outbreaks
or diseases.
Hmm.
Unused to
receiving credit for that, Reap will
just kind of
not turn his attention to that
because he's a little weirded out that someone
would thank him for his work.
Uh, he will
turn to maybe some other
materials that are
on the desk.
If there is anything, like,
an identifier of some kind as to who owns this
desk, he can assume he owns it in
whatever twisted reality this is.
He's not insane enough to assume
otherwise.
Uh, the, um, the only
clue, the only
clue of it is a
is a small, like,
weathered photo
uh, that appears to be
of the four of you together.
Uh, sitting in the corner
of the desk.
What is the context
of this photograph?
It was the photograph
that was taken of the four of you
the day you were first put
together as a member
of the, uh, ambassadorial.
Are there any marks on this picture?
Uh,
uh,
there's, like, some, some nicks and tears
and, like, at least one that clearly
looks like a scalpel that
has, like, pierced right through Pybrain's
head at least once.
Okay. Bar for the course. Got it.
Mm-hmm.
Uh, flipping it over,
nothing on the back? At all?
Uh, yeah, as you, like, you take
it and you see that there's, like, a
cogitator-stamped date and time
and then, like, yeah, like, uh, you know,
ambassadorial squad,
blah, blah, blah, whatever you're...
number designation would be
sort of thing.
Reap's gonna take the picture
and he's going to try and summon another
servitor. Servitor!
Attention, please.
Another one of the ceiling tours sort of rolls
over. This is a different one.
It has two sort of claw-like
appendages for grabbing.
Yes, Master Van Horn.
This date here.
Reap is going to put his finger
next to the timestamp date.
Remind me.
How long ago was it?
Takes it, looks at it.
Unable to comply.
Places the picture down.
Huh.
Of course. Haven't thought that
part of the delusion up, have you?
Reap is going to shout towards the ceiling,
not at anyone in particular.
As you shout at the ceiling,
the ceiling tour, like, retracts
back. Um, and
as it retracts back, you kind of...
You kind of hear a hissing sound, like
the expulsion of gases.
And all of you would hear this by the desk,
like this.
Where's that coming from?
Um,
you can all sort of, like, look around
and you see that some of the
tubes at the far end of the
chamber seem to be, like, spilling
out this sort of greenish
gas into the air.
Uh, can I do a quick Medicaid to see what
the hell that is? Absolutely.
Very good.
Uh...
Medi-
Rule.
Very nice.
Seven successes again, yeah. Um, you can tell
that it's activating the stasis, or
deactivating the stasis unit, so the things
inside would be, uh, able to,
you know, interact with regular
environment again.
Mm-hmm.
Abe's going to watch that
very carefully.
And as that
gas seems to be filtering,
there's a pneumatic hiss from the door
you all entered, which opens up to
reveal a chamber behind
that wasn't there before. Like, it doesn't connect back
to the strange alien pathway
you were on. Instead,
there is a
mob
that is standing in the door
and they sort of
lurch towards you from
the now-open door in, like,
hospital schmocks that
are torn and,
and, like, ratty, and their skin
is this almost, like, white
gray. They have these, like,
rictus grins and, like,
eyes that stare in different directions
and patches of little
green on them as they start
shuffling through the doorway.
And you can tell there's dozens,
if not hundreds, of them.
Uh...
Uh...
Uh...
A grand delusion.
As expected.
So they are not real
zombies?
Gentlemen, don't touch them.
I don't think you had to tell us that.
And they're, like, spilling
into the room. They are
spilling into the room.
Back towards the other door.
Okay. Is there a
nearby thing that I could use to try to shut
the door? Uh, they've
kind of spilled out in a way that you'd have to, like,
start hacking through them if you wanted to
reach the terminal, like, besides.
Inside the door.
No, don't want to do that. I will follow
Reap's advice. This is his nightmare
delusion.
No, shut up!
Stop!
Reap's gonna switch on his flamer
because this is the opportune time for this.
And, like, as you hit it,
there's another pneumatic hiss as the
hallway that, like, connects into this room
opposite from the door you entered.
Like, a set of blast doors close
entrapping you in this
this laboratory space.
Oh, good!
The stream of these
zombie-like entities continuing
to shuffle in. They aren't, like, running
or, like, directly moving to it. It's more like just
a gaggle, like
a crowded convention
that's just continually getting bigger.
What?
You think I'd feel anything for this?
Reap is again shouting to
nobody. Reap, who are you
talking to? Captain, it's
blatantly obvious what they're trying...
They're trying to butter me up. Now they're
trying to intimidate me. I give up!
I don't care!
And then I'm going to fire at them.
Yeah, so, like, take
a shot with your flamer. Yeah.
Uh, D.N.?
We're not doing that, right?
No, no, don't worry about that.
I will tell you if it is a success or not.
Okay.
Oh, boy.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.
Three and a complicate. Three and a complicate.
So you managed to, like,
flame, and you, you, like,
take out the tank in just a, like,
whooshing blast of flame.
Um,
and you take down probably, like,
a dozen, if not more, of these
shuffling entities, but more seem
to just fill up the gap
and you can tell your flamer
is now out of ammo, but they still aren't, like,
advancing menacingly. They're just kind of, like,
shuffling through.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And, like, some of them
even stumble and collapse over
the charred bodies.
A few of them, like, catch on fire
from the residual flames before, like,
standing up and awkwardly joining
the gaggle, like, well on fire.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Pie, you'd best keep your distance.
I don't want you or that icicle you're toting
getting sick.
Charging the deadly infectious diseases.
That just, that takes
remarkable tech from you, Pie.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
It's very difficult.
Out of the way.
Out of the way, I said.
Out of the way.
And you hear this, like, jovial laughter
coming from deeper in the crowd.
Out of the way.
Out of the way.
And, like, emerging from the crowd of these
is another, um,
another, like,
fleshy zombie-like
entity, though this one appears
to be wearing, like, a bright,
a bright button-up t-shirt
on top of the prison gown.
Uh, like, some kind
of, like,
flora
adorn-
pattern adorns it.
And it, like,
gets to the front
and it waves
its hands out
wide
and looks at you.
Ah, Reb, my boy!
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Good to see you.
Reb's going to
lightly lower the flavor.
Do I know you?
Of course you know me.
Ha, ha.
I have known you for a while.
Ha, ha.
You're my favorite.
I said that once.
Ha, ha.
I like this.
I have absolutely
no idea who you are
or why you are sick
in my medical ward.
Oh, oh, this, this is your,
this is absolutely your medical
ward. Well, it could be.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
See,
I like you, Reb. I think
you and me could do, could do great things
together.
He, like, the zombie shuffles over
towards the desk.
Ha, ha.
And, like, points out towards you.
I think we could do
great things together.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Great things.
Oh.
Reb finally, I guess,
has the gears turning in his head.
I, these, it's, it's,
it's a lot to take in, you know?
It's a lot to take in.
Cut him some slack.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
What are the rest of you?
Like, has this, this, this other
entity has emerged from the group?
Oh.
Great things like what?
Get sick and become all pruney?
Nothing wrong with being pruney.
That's a big fucking pruney problem.
Is that a Galena over to Pi?
Oh, good. Yeah.
Yeah, I think that's exactly what he means, Pi.
Why? Why would you know?
Because he's evil.
Look at him. You can't look like that and not be evil.
But it's inefficient.
No, yes, I know it's inefficient.
Yeah.
And he looks at Pi going,
there's not a problem.
Different pruney.
Different, well, it being old is different.
But do you know, when your flesh begins to decay and fail,
I assume you'll do the grown-up thing
and become, you know what,
sterling animate machine,
worshipper like...
I'm not evil.
He, like, hops up on the desk,
but as he does so, his right leg
under his knee rips off
and just collapses onto the floor
and he looks down.
Oh, I'm going to have to get that fixed.
Anyways.
Reb, my boy, I want you to have all of this.
I think you'd do great with this.
Gentlemen, do you know who I'm talking to right now?
No.
No.
Reb will move next to him, but keep, like, you know, six feet of distance, obviously.
Yeah, of course, of course.
And he will motion.
Motion to the lackadaisical zombie
sitting on the desk.
Gentlemen,
it is so blatantly obvious.
You know where we are, right?
In general, not specifically.
Uh, oh, yeah, boy.
I remember this in the old folks' home.
Do you know what the webway intersects with?
No.
It's the warp!
Oh.
Oh.
And, like, the zombie,
like, the zombie,
the Hawaiian shirt is nodding, like, like, again, big smile in his face.
Hey, I always did like you.
You're the smart one.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Oh, oh, this is absurd.
Gentlemen, we're being being tempted.
By what?
Reb's going to fucking scrunch his face up and say,
come on, you can tell them I like it when other people say
me.
My name.
He pats his belly.
I don't even, I don't even know you that well.
I'm Ordo Zenos, for pity's sake.
I shouldn't even know that much about you.
Why, why is it that this seems to keep happening?
Gentlemen.
Because you're all important.
Very important.
I know you're important.
That's why I came here personally.
None of my other siblings are going to come here personally.
But me, I wanted to do this myself.
Gentlemen, you are speaking to a manifestation of the god of stagnancy, decay, and plague.
Oh, you're too kind.
Don't forget life.
And joy.
Life, indeed.
Reb is like mixed parts, extremely irritated and bemused, mostly because I'm amused by this.
Wui is like a...
So, he's like everything you're against except the-
From a holistic standpoint, yes.
I generally don't enjoy the suffering and stagnancy of decay that you seem to-
Why am I even talking to you?
Why is this happening to me?
Why am I even talking to you?
I shouldn't be talking to you, but you're being very pleasant right now, and that's not something I'm afforded very often.
Duh! That's because you're the best, you're the smartest, you're Reeb!
I see the potential in you. You do great things. No one else sees that, but I do.
That's not true!
I haven't seen any other human being bring multiple people back, literally, from death and dismemberment like Reeb.
Yes, Reeb is very intelligent, so intelligent that his intellect is wasted on the very cool Inquisition,
but not on the very much cooler Adeptus the Mechanicus. He would be an exemplary member of our order.
Why do you think I like him so much?
He brings people back from...
the dead, just like I do, and he, like, with one hand, like, waves to, to the, the, like,
resuscitated-ish church on your back, uh, pie, and then waves to the plague zombies,
like, filling the doorway, like they're the same thing. He's just like me! I love this guy!
Yeah, he, he's totally like you, with all the, the rotting flesh and...
desiccated viscera, yeah.
But by the way,
I, I get you want him, but...
you, you can't have him. He's my, he's ours. He's also my accountant, and you can't have that, I need one.
I love how you're all talking for Reeb here.
Reeb's trying to think of how to broach this, because he, he's kind of getting already like,
oh yeah, just fight your way out, that's a really good idea, it's like, oh, fuck.
Listen, this is all very absurd. You, you have to...
He's going to just very gingerly like, extend out like a, a querying hand towards, I guess, Nergal.
You have to recognize this extremely absurd, don't you.
What do you mean?
Reeb's going to extend his hand the entirety of the situation happening here.
Motion to the Hawaiian shirt!
Absolutely.
Oops.
This is all very absurd.
I have dealt with much in my travels,
and apparently you've been watching me.
One, very disturbing.
Two, I have had a miserable time trying to keep this up.
I will have you know.
And for someone, for the literal embodiment
of all of the things that I, as an Ordo Xenos individual,
as well as an esteemed medical expert,
have had to combat over the what feels like years
since this operation has started, it's a little absurd.
Well, you see, I liked you.
I liked you right at that time your friend shot you.
That was great.
But then your friend set your lab on fire,
and I thought to myself, now there's the chance.
There's the chance I could talk to Reeb,
the great Reeb Van Horn, and make him an offer.
I mean, look at this place.
Genn waves around with his, like,
desiccated hands.
This whole lab, all this can be yours.
But you probably wonder, oh, well, just a lab.
No, no, no, no, no.
It's a concept.
Everything here is concepts.
And I'm thinking big concept.
I'm thinking you can solve like, oh, gosh,
100 plus diseases for the rest of your mortal lifespan.
I'm not lying when I say you will save billions of lives.
Billions of them, maybe even more.
Mm-hmm.
But after that, you're gonna come work with me.
You're gonna sit at my cauldron.
You're gonna learn with me.
We're gonna do great things together, Reeb.
I have a question.
You mentioned when my friend shot me
and set my lab on fire.
Lorne never shot me.
Yeah, I was the only one who set his lab on fire.
You what?
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Oh, yeah, you deal with this.
And like, as he like stops looking at you
and like leans down, like trying desperately
to grab the foot that's fallen on the floor,
so he can read, you have this talk right now.
You're good, you're good.
Well, I thought you already knew.
No.
It wasn't us.
You didn't tell me.
You were sitting on that,
you were sitting on the Arbus lighter, and we sat there.
And I assumed it was Lorne's doing
because he was sitting there,
pouring alcohol onto a fire for some blasted reason.
No.
You shut down.
You assumed.
I will tell you what happened, okay?
I was, I wanted my new leg, Gamu was tormenting me.
I went to go find the Mechanicum lady
and replace all machinery.
But she did not have a right one, so I tried to close it,
and something broke.
I forget exactly what happened afterwards,
but trying to fix it caused a small fire.
And as I went to go get a fire extinguisher,
all of a sudden, I was in a bar.
And at first I thought, yes, Piebrain escapes.
Piebrain gets away with it.
But after a while I realized that you might be very angry
and upset, so I ran up with a fire extinguisher.
And then you were, every second afterwards,
you had been pretty depressed.
Yeah.
Yes, Erndil.
I'm thinking here.
I'm thinking.
Captain Zedek thinks it over.
I was like, yeah, that checks out.
Hey, Thurston, I'm gonna knock myself up
at point of corruption.
Oh no!
I like it.
Very good.
Okay.
I'm just gonna narratively,
I'm gonna spend a wrath to give myself a point of corruption.
Okay.
Aw man, you're channeling your inner Alphaconscious.
Wait, we can just use thisении
to get corrupted by chaos?
Why the fuck didn't I think of that?
I had the wrong fucking campaign, boy.
Black crusade, okay.
You not only disobeyed my order
to not bother the Tech Priestess,
who I had spent this entire trip
attempting to keep alive.
After being brutalized by her compatriots back on the wretched rattling planet, you also didn't even bother to notice she didn't have mechanical legs.
And as you, the exact moment you say that, there is a squelching sound as the Hawaiian shirt zombie re-puts the leg back on and then looks up.
See, it's that easy.
Stretching it.
I admit it was not my finest moment, and I know you are likely very angry and upset, and that is okay.
But don't put that blame on anyone besides me, and don't let it let you side with a smelly, gray demon god.
He's going to eat your soul and other, you know, other bad things also.
I will deal with him.
Ray will point without looking back.
Towards the plague zombie sitting on the Hawaiian zombie responds by giving you finger guns.
One of the fingers falls off.
I will deal with him afterwards.
I can deal with whatever is happening around us later because I feel as though my attention is directed towards you three.
Repeatedly.
Over and over.
This is a routine thing that happens.
I look around and there's an incredible, unusual thing happening.
And almost every time I find my attention...
My attention returning to you three!
For some reason!
You can see a vein is starting to appear on the side of his head.
Beautiful.
Well, that is because we are companions, and we travel together because we are friends.
We landed on the planet after receiving a bunch of support from some wretched backwater...
Backwater hybrid!
...that gave every guardsman on the planet fighting orcs cakes and sausages!
That was...
Because I didn't bother to check the manifest!
Do you know why I didn't bother to check the manifest?
Why?
Because I was doing your accounting!
Damn.
Yeah, but...
We're all in this together, Reeb.
One raises a finger.
One raises a finger.
One raises a finger.
One raises a finger.
But if you did the accounting, would you also see what's in the manifest area?
No, Lorne.
Because we do not account for that material.
It's not Zedek's property!
Wait.
No, you can't blame Zedek for this.
I understand you being very angry at me, but it was those fools at the head of the Crusade Fleet that gave us the wrong stuff.
Maybe we could have caught it.
But we still would have had to deliver it.
And by the time we landed, we were already under attack!
It's the fuckerbeast's fault who's been working with that thing!
Yes!
Because we're chasing some insane psyker halfway across the galaxy!
Oh, I-I-I'm p-p-p-point of disorder here.
Um...
Just so you know, I'm-I'm not with that the fuckerbe guy.
He do-
That guy's a fuckin' asshole.
Yeah, fuck that guy!
Wait a sec, wait a minute, Tyler.
We bought I5 nurgle?!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh, please, uh, give me a conviction test.
Okay, so...
Can we just say it?
I have to- I have to bring up my, my character sheet, hold up.
Yeah.
Also, I just-
I just realized something.
Yes?
So j-
I'll give you that cou- the test.
the test after chat gets blinded for a second uh yeah everyone just roll convictions test i'll just
say it out loud as i fix the thing okay all right uh roll the thing i believe in you blinds him
i believe in you roll a conviction test for high-fiving merkle see this is the session you
before oh wow actually you've got a really good conviction surprise you uh could you sign lauren
back to me can i have gosh that's right yeah yeah yeah yeah i might yeah it did i i did a goof i did
a goof oh no he deleted it's reassigned to you or should be now thank you oh he locked in his
he locked in as the gm it doesn't okay so founder doesn't allow you to do a player thing so i'm just
here like
you
i'm gonna see everything uh ah no my bad our future oh very good uh it's in the combat time
uh long uh uh three you uh you gain a point of corruption
i could have told you but i like you best reeb anyways go back to your family squabble
yes we'll get to you in just a moment
you
it is because i have been assigned to this position by my own dear inquisitor harlan
that i have had my that i have had my progress stymied because at every turn we seem to run
flat up against a wall nose broken eyes scattered something stupid happens and everything suddenly
grinds to a bloody halt
i grow weary of it
i am oh so very weary of sitting in a dilapidated rotting ship
oh
oh
blah
we will collapse under the floor and just sit
i know wouldn't a kick-ass lab be much better look at this place
theeverybody jazzed the轉ty
it's like the worst cartels
what is this
what am i doing here
it's youtube
i have more than a thousand subscribers
being too devantee
of his hand like
now listen buddy i know your entire
family is a piece of shit but
what if i could buy sell you
of this worm
you want it it's pretty
cool this zombie fat albert
car salesman yes exactly
i got this dead
flower pot it is
it is the equivalent to
for anyone who can possibly get this
reference it is the equivalent of being
on the ion storm team that was responsible
for deus ex and then being
told you're being transferred to the one that makes
die katana oh yeah
oh that's
a deep cut sir
and
yeah so so reeb you sit on the floor
and yeah the the hawaiian
shirt zombie just is like
great love
cat and
zedek will walk over and sit down
next to reeb and i'm sorry he'll
squat he'll do a he'll do a slav squat
oh
you know reeb
this stinky sassy smelly
god
i guess
he's not wrong
this slab is pretty pretty nice
and
i empathize with you if
if i had to do my own accounting well i
i would hate me too
do i hate myself
but we have all been dealt
a raw hand some rather than others and
i especially feel for you being the most
competent among us
but wouldn't it be nice just to get through this one last haul and
rake it in the big time as
even more legendary heroes to get that lab you wanted
heck we could
we could get everything spruced up we could
make that lab on the debt collector not on fire and
well hell we could get you something better
i'm just asking you to
to bear with us a little bit more and not to
actually listen to him please don't actually
and we can't afford to let the one person
keep us alive
so i'm just asking you to bear with us a little bit more and not to
i'm just asking you to bear with us a little bit more and not to
take that burden off of us
reem's like pinching his eyebrow really
trying to find a vent for the stress
that he has just now unleashed in his
idle wave
tiresome he's going to start getting to
his feet
all right put this on hold for a moment
he's going to hold up a finger to the
rest of the the party and he's going to
turn back to
nurgle i guess nurgle i guess sure did
like continues to have arms
wide
gentlemen wait
for me over by that door
and
are you sure
Reem? yes quite
certain
make room make room
out of the way and like
the Hawaiian shirt zombie like motions
with the hands and these zombies
at the doors start shuffling to fill up
the sides and have a path by the door
with a worried look
Lauren will paddle away
yeah I think I think we'll
follow his wishes
Zedek will start walking towards the group as well
the Hawaiian shirt zombie
has the widest of smiles
right now
yes yes
I'm going to
I'm sorry to cut you off
Zedek will turn back as he
heads back to the rest of the group and
pipe up
oh and Reem
thank you
for being the competent
one I tried
Reem will nod at that
and return his attention back to the
Hawaiian shirt zombie
the Hawaiian shirt zombie is like
that was beautiful
I'm going to make you lightly
upset
okay
but hear me out because I believe we
can come to an agreement later
I need to see this trip out
I fully intend to despite my
irritation and frustration and violent
irritation with these people I will see
this through and I will see how far I can get
this runs counter to everything that you stand for
we can say we're compatible all you want
you are a chaos god
I am a mortal man
and while our paths cross in this one instance
you have to recognize that I am already
how can I put this
spoken for
no
no you can't
That make sense at all?
Grrr.
Grrr.
No, no, no.
Don't take it so hard, because I'm going
to suggest something here.
If you may,
perhaps try again later.
See how it goes.
There's just this, like, belly
aching laugh.
Hard bugger, I knew I
liked you. You know, I come
at you and you just disgustingly
resilient that off. I'll come
again. Ho, ho, ho, yes, Reeb.
You and me, we have a story
to tell that's gonna go through the
stars. You and me, Reeb.
You and me.
Don't put any money on it.
Whatever you qualify money
as.
Alright.
You and your friends are free
to go. Just watch out.
My siblings aren't here.
But they sent some of
their people.
Oh, Reeb.
You left the door open.
That's good.
Listen.
I'm going
to try my damnedest to resist.
But I know at this point, given
I'm very tired and very frustrated
that trying to fight it off at
all hours is going to be a pain.
But right now I have business to attend
to and...
And, uh, whoop.
Yes.
Alright.
Well.
I'll let you go.
And you, you make sure
to stop that da-fuck-a-bee.
I don't like what he's got planned.
Doesn't work with what I've
got planned.
Well, as much as I'm
loath to assist a chaos god in
anything...
Oh, you've helped me enough.
Keep helping me.
Yeah.
This'll be entertaining.
Very well.
Another time, perhaps.
Another time.
And, like, this continual, like,
raucous laughter.
Reeb will
move towards the parted zombies
and usher everyone else forward.
And, like, as you, you walk
there's just, like, the bellowing
laughter of, of the, the Hawaiian
shirt zombie. The,
ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
And then the door opens to reveal
the, the strange, utterly alien
space beyond the,
continuing the, the pathway
that you had been walking previously.
And, like, with that, Reeb, you
kind of walk past your companions and step
back on the path.
Gentlemen, I believe we have places to be.
R-Reeb! You, you resisted!
I wouldn't quite say that. I merely gave him a
pain check. You gave you what? You did what?
Did...
You what?
It's not the issue
right now. We have better things to focus
on. You gave me
your... Wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait! Did you just sign up with
a Chaos Guard? I didn't sign up for
anything, Pi.
I merely said to try again later.
As I'm currently very
busy. Figured it was the
most efficient way, rather than outright
declining, or we would have to have
no doubt fought a massive pile of
plague zombies to escape
and go back to doing what we're supposed
to be doing.
Oh, I, I
see what you did, Reeb. I
see what you did.
It's a trick! See, when he's back
with all his inquisitorial bodies one day
and he comes knocking at the door, they'll
be ready for him.
That's very smart of you, Reeb.
In theory, anyway.
I don't have time to worry about that right now.
Master plan, master plan.
I guess.
I guess.
And you continue walking in the
strange, like, liminal space
here that shouldn't exist,
and everything, like, in the distance is
weird psychedelic, like,
droplets of energy transfusing,
and yet you find yourselves walking on
some clear pathway through this,
continually moving ahead.
Ugh.
So does it, is it supposed to be
just like this the entire
time? Does it get any better?
You're asking the wrong man,
Zedek. I believe if we
had any idea, we could have likely asked
him back there. You know,
if we felt so inclined.
Yeah, but should we, do we
really want to trust a chaos god?
Doesn't seem
advisable, but... Well, if
we find the blue one coming up
next, we definitely shouldn't ask.
Blue one?
Oh, for goodness sake.
You have to remember, I am very
much inured to this kind of thing, Reeb.
If you see
birds that are not crows,
yes. Do not listen
to it. I have a feeling we're going
to, if this is indeed a
gamut of everything we're going to be
wandering through just now,
then yes, I do believe we will encounter
this individual. Which is going to be
ever so fun.
Reeb!
Yes, spy?
What are all of the
chaos gods?
I am not very familiar with them.
That is forbidden knowledge for my order.
Neither am I.
You must understand, my information comes
from the Inquisition, and if I am not a member
of the Order Hereticus or Order Marius,
it is not my...
How can I put this?
It is not my business to know everything.
I'm just very nosy.
Oh! Well, maybe I could help.
Hi! Oh, fuck's sake!
You hear this voice coming off of
Piebrain's back
as Church's face looks
up with kind of like a strange smile.
Hi!
Hello! Are you
demon?
Um...
Well, yeah? Who's met before?
I reached to break Church's neck.
Oh, okay.
Make a...
I'm reaching slowly
to do it. I'm not doing it just yet.
Wait!
Hi! Are you Sean?
Uh...
I'm glad you remembered me.
Why? You were so busy fighting that thing
before, and then in the palace
with that... with that... the weird walls?
Yeah! Yeah! Hi! Hi!
I saw you in here, so I thought I'd come visit.
This body wasn't really occupied, so...
It's not occupied.
Aww...
Poor Church.
That's unfortunate. Anyway,
Hello, vile demon! What do you want?
Well, I just heard you
talking, and I thought I'd... I thought I'd
pop in.
Is that so?
Well, you were asking about... about... about the...
the great powers of the warp, and I thought, you know,
I could help. You help me, I help you.
Oh, for fuck's
sake.
Do you know how I live
here?
I wouldn't...
It's a pretty nice space, actually. Yeah.
We're a warp entity.
Perhaps you can reveal... Thank you
very much for remembering.
Mmm, yes.
Unfortunately, I do not have a
brain like a sim, so I must remember
basically everything. In any case,
we must
get some information on
the remaining two individuals.
I know only of
the wretched...
the sluggish individual, as well
as my supposed
arch-nemesis, who is not really
particularly nemesis or arch,
which...
Nurgle. The remaining two.
Please, anything you could give
on information regarding them would be
appreciated. Oh, well, yeah.
You've got, um, pretty
powerful servant of the Lord
of Rage.
Really powerful, in fact. Like, very powerful.
Um, he's kind of always angry.
Like, always shouting and
screaming and angry, and just very angry.
Um, so... so...
they're waiting for you up ahead.
Uh, then after that, there's, uh,
the other one.
Terrific.
You have been very
helpful.
Well, Rage definitely
narrows it down. Yes,
that is clearly Lon's challenge.
Quiet.
I'll blast
him immediately. Yeah, Lon,
you're always screaming at people and
attacking them. Not like, uh,
you know, and birds, I...
I like birds. They're
fine, I guess. I don't like birds.
Yeah, you see...
Flying rats they are.
Yeah, well, yeah! I mean, you know,
honestly, all animals are kind of stupid.
Yeah.
But they are kind of... John,
I have a question.
Yeah?
Are they being stupid right now?
Oh, yes! It's quite
funny to watch you, yeah, like,
bumbling your way through our realm. I think you're gonna
make it out, though, cause they want you to.
They're kidding me.
What? They tried to keep
Zedek just now. Well, not just now,
but before. Yeah, that's Zedek.
Reeb will actually laugh at that.
He'll just go
.
What, I'm not good enough
to be left alive as a
pawn in some grand god's scheme,
but fuck them. Oh, you would have been
left alive. Oh,
yeah.
You wouldn't have liked
your life, though, but...
I don't like it now! Be glad you got out when you didn't.
We're getting deep
into your psyche here.
Shut the fuck up, Sean!
Sean, living inside
of the fuck woman, tell us
more details! What would have happened to
Zedek if he had accepted the weird
dad moment?
Huh?
Um, he would be
someone
else's property right now.
.
Oh, you would have been
corrupted.
What does that mean?
Well, what it means is, and then, like, the
sensor sound just starts
playing for, like,
five minutes as Sean is like,
.
As he explains something
that rends all of your minds.
Can each of you give me a resolve
test? Sure.
.
Hey, guys, I'm gonna
pull all the glory.
.
I got four successes.
Grape is now highly impulsive.
Zedek got two successes and a failure.
I got five successes.
Pi is not cool enough
to roll dice, apparently.
Roll? No.
Please,
our machine!
Tell me to roll for you, Pi Brain.
Please do. I think I'm rolling
six dice, because I'm adding
to my resolve because of
rank, or is that, that determination?
No, in that case, I'm just rolling three. That's determination. You're rolling
three. I got you. Bam.
Okay, now you got three.
And you got a, you got a wrath critical, too.
You got a point of
glory for the group. Um. Oh, my.
Like, everyone's, like, nodding
like, mm, yes, except, like, Zedek
who is just horrified
as he hears the fate that would
have befallen him. The fate of a
guardsman. Yeah, the fate of
a guardsman in Slaaneshus Palace.
Um.
And, uh, yeah, then it stops, and, like,
Zedek, you feel absolutely, like,
sick to your stomach.
He's just, like, staring off into space
with, like, a half smile. You know that
picture, like, Lisa I send every now and then?
Just, like, dead-eyed, staring
down at the table in exasperation.
It's like that. He's just, he's gone. Well, that's basically
what was gonna happen.
Oh. That's a lot better than I
thought it was gonna be.
Anyways,
you avoided that, so you did pretty
good. Hm. He's just
speechless. He's still, he's still
staring off into space.
Well. So, you
said the rageful
one is up next, yes?
Mm-hmm. Right through
there, and, like, Church's
hand kind of strangely, like,
lifts up and points
forward, and you can see
along the path, like, the other
strange, like, the wood door, and the,
um, the kind of
bulkhead. Instead, there's what appears
to be, like, a circular hatch
that's on the, the,
the non-existent ground
in front of you. Uh, like,
has sort of a valve on it to be turned
to open.
Well?
Well, good luck!
Yes, perhaps this is not the last time
we'll see you, no doubt. And, like, the
body collapses back down.
Hm. They, they were
gonna...
When the...
When the...
No, suck it up, you're
past it!
They were gonna do things
for you, I'm really...
Yes, we all heard!
Uh, and as you
approach, uh, this,
this, like, entry port,
uh, you see stamped
on it is the symbol of
Forgeworld Lemuria.
...
All right, you're up.
Good luck!
Better up!
Okay, um...
Hold on! Is there something
maybe, you know, like, touching
base and just, you know, kind of working
it out, I mean... Get in!
Ah, fine!
I'm gonna get really mad.
Let me see your sword.
What? No, it's mine!
And I don't want your sword, let me
see it. No!
Oh, well, I guess you don't want
an awesome, glowy death sword, then.
It even grows more.
Okay, fine, I don't want that.
I hand my sword over.
And I'll just present it.
Uh, so, I wanna make a narrative decoration
to do some warpy bullshit to him.
Uh, you're in the warp, so now
is absolutely the time to do warpy
bullshit. So...
Lorne basically places his hand upon
Pybring's sword, and...
And Voodoo would say, like, you must
hands off from here, Pybring.
Okay, I will try
this. Actually...
Now, I think they'd probably do better if
you... tell
me your Lemurian War Chant.
And we shall imbue your
sword with all the glory
of your world.
Hmm...
Yes, the
Lemurian War Chant.
An ancient and esoteric
thing.
Just dialogue noises.
Just...
Very well!
Oh, repeat after me!
Lorne's like, ah, ah, ah.
He's just making mouth noises.
And it's like...
No, that's the wrong...
Wrong pitch.
Gentlemen, please do something.
He's like, I am doing something. We're doing the
chant. This takes...
Join in the chant, be a cool guy.
So everyone, I
presume, is just going to... Yeah,
Lorne and Pybring sit in a circle, going,
for two minutes,
until Pi is suddenly punctured with,
As we go marching to John...
Okay.
Okay, so I'm gonna do a second...
I guess I'll do a second match to basically, like,
make his power
sword, like, godly, to where
it is basically, like, if he hits something, it's
just, like, explosion of
energy kind of deal.
Absolutely.
Give me a second.
Uh,
I got, uh, six successes.
Uh, yeah, you've got enough to,
like, you're not sure if it's, like, gonna
blow up a god or, like,
something super powerful, but it's got, like,
warp energy, like, barely
contained in it.
Right, there you go.
This is crackling with a shit
ton of energy and everything, going,
whatever you'll meet inside of there,
you should be able to...
It should enhance your chances
if battle comes forth.
But we'll be with you as much as we can.
Yes, excellent.
Engage the linkage of
Messiah! And I'm going to
begin turning
this door with my
huge strength. Can you open it?
It is the question for the ages.
Can you?
Can you? Uh, give me a
strength test, actually. Okay, sure.
Yeah. Wow, I love it.
Does Pai's open door?
Does Pai's open door? Can
Pai open door?
Let's pray.
Let's...
Let us pray.
Um... That is
all one success and five
failures and a complication.
And a complication, too.
How bad could it possibly be?
Well, you know, it could
be a thing. Let's find
out what the thing is
here. Um...
Okay, so you're going to
um...
You're going to try to open it,
and you manage to.
You do, um, absolutely
manage to open it.
Um, but...
Okay, um...
You manage to open it,
but, like, there is some
kind of, like, crack as
you do so, as
you feel one
of your, like, one of your
fingers is, like, severely
injured as part of this.
Uh, and I will take from, uh,
from one of our patrons, uh, Dr.
Lou Gash, entitled, Ouchy Boo Boo on
My Fingy. Um...
Mm-hmm.
And, um, basically, the ouchy
booby, uh, ouchy booby
booboo will, uh, will
persist, uh, until
you, uh, you have someone like
Medicaid or, uh,
leadership to, uh, to fix
your, your, your wounded finger.
Ah! There is an ouchy
booboo on my fingy!
Uh, pi- uh, again?
Again!
This is not how it should work!
I should feel no pain!
And as you say that, you fall into the hatch
that you, uh, clunk.
Yeah, there you go.
I, like, trip. I'm getting so
angry, I'm just stopping around.
Absolutely.
And, and, like,
after this, I assume the rest of you,
like, follow down.
Um, eventually entering into, like,
a, a metal room, sort of
square-shaped with, uh,
various connecting tunnels,
and you, you see these sort of
glass-lined tunnels that connect,
uh, and going in either direction,
and beyond the glass, you can see
that you are underwater,
and that there's all sorts of
aquatic, shadowy
life moving around, and
immediately, Pybrain, you know
that you are in one of the,
the subaquatic
forge complexes
of Lemuria.
Yes,
this is very, uh, very
good! Back in
Lemuria, this is the good part of
the, uh, hallucination, where everything
is really cool. Uh,
look at there! That, that's one
of our Lemurian ballast tanks!
And, uh, yes, all around us
these artificial creatures
created in the dark labs.
Oh, it's so exciting to be back
home, even if it is a terrible hallucination.
He wasn't
kidding, this place really is underwater.
Oh, yes,
and more than likely, we are
not yet on the darkest levels. You see,
further down you go in Lemuria,
the more access and prestige
you have, I am excited
to finally return as a full-on tech priest,
and fully explore the lowest depths.
Y-you do realize this is not based
on reality, right, Py?
Well, no, it is based on a reality,
it's just this is not actually for
real life.
It's like a dream, Py, it's probably not going to be
accurate. No, I, no!
My dreams are always accurate, to the T!
Do you dream?
Yes.
Often of electric sheep, which are
coincidentally in Lemuria, they are also
aquatic, and highly dangerous.
Awesome. Right.
They are a kind of eel that I
assume, yeah,
as something, like, seems to hit the glass
and you see this immense
tendril sort of recoil
back as though it had just, like, lightly
tapped the glass and then pulled back.
The very,
very distant
touch of a Lemurian
hell squid.
Well, that is
not good.
So how bad are these things
exactly, Py? Oh,
they're not that bad, they're actually
terrible, they're way worse.
But nevertheless,
it is my duty to kill
them, as I am Ascetarius,
and we often test new experimental
technologies on them, and how
best to deatomize them.
Perhaps there is one around here.
Nevertheless, I'll just proceed forward before he opens
the floodgates and kills you. You all
will be fine.
Thank you, that really... Of course, certainly, why not?
That reassures me, thank you,
Py. You are very welcome, my
friend, and we will proceed forward.
Yeah, so you start walking down
the halls, and again, the whole time you're sort of
hearing this
as something seems
to be, like, hitting the side of the
structure. You can see that
the place in here is lined
with corpses of Skitarii,
Lemurian Skitarii,
who have been
shot, knocked
down, slain in combat,
pieces of them thrown all
over the place from a variety of different
weapons. It looks like some sort of
massacre has occurred here.
This is very abnormal.
The Skitarii would not
be left here. They would be
brought back to reclaim their
augments.
In this
dream realm, has Lemuria been
invaded? I will
kill whoever did this for the mere
insinuation.
You stop that! I'm gonna keep
chasing the, uh, the sign
of the, uh, uh,
And, like, as you, as you, like,
rush forward towards it, um,
kind of trailing near the back of the group, Zedek,
uh, you hear
something. You hear it sort of in the
back of your skull.
Do you want it? Do you
want them? Do you want the power?
What?
What? What? Do I want what?
You gotta be more specific.
The power to kill, the power to destroy,
the power to conquer, the power to war.
I mean, I kind of have
most of those already, voice in my head.
And, like, Lorne
and, uh, Reeb, you
see Zedek talking to
himself and saying these things.
Zedek. Zedek.
You okay there, buddy?
I think so. I think something's
talking to me, but I don't know what. It's definitely not me.
Ever since you saw those
tentacles, you've been acting really weird.
Voice in my head, I think I might
reconsider.
Do you want
them? Do you want the Legion?
Do you want them to serve
you?
Does respect
come with serve?
They will fight
for you. They will fight every battle.
Zedek! Zedek!
Just slapping Zedek. Yeah, and then
Zedek kind of, like, comes back to consciousness.
Oh, hey, Lorne.
Talking to the guy in my head, making
an offer. It's not making a very good offer, but...
Zedek?
Who's talking to you when your
brain plays? Is he making your brain smooth again?
I don't know!
No, my brain's not smooth.
It has very wrinkle.
I don't know who's talking
to me, but he's just offering,
like, power
and fucking killing
people. I don't need that! I've got a
ship with big cannons!
Zedek, you must resist! Zedek!
I'm shaking Zedek. You must resist the temptation!
What? What? Stop! Lorne!
Lorne Barnes! And the voice
is in the back of your head now, Lorne.
Shut up! Do you want
the Legion? They could claim
all of Fenris for you. Hey! Hey!
Fuck off! I'm having a conversation! You could be the greatest warlord!
Yeah, absolutely!
See, he's talking to you, too!
Yeah, yeah, and I told him to fuck off.
What's your excuse?
You're shaking me, that's why.
Well, shake me, too!
Okay! We'll balance out the evil.
Zedek just starts
shaking Lorne back. We're just vibrating
back and forth, just going, like,
Like, Reeb is probably
standing beside this, and, like, Pybrain
has trucked on forward, probably, like,
eventually realizes after
quite some time that his allies have
stopped.
I don't know if Py would realize this.
That's fair, that's fair.
Give me a perception check.
It would be quite very much like Py to not pay attention
to his companions. Yeah, it's true.
It's true. Yeah, Py is
got...Py is on the warpath. He wants
to find whoever did this
massacre, even in the dream world. He's upset
about it. We're using
Nightmare on
Elm Street 3. Yeah, exactly.
Okay. Oh, the dream world.
Where the fuck is my perception stat? Oh, god.
What year is it? What day
is it? What is life?
What is life? I've got persuasion. Will that do?
What dot life? Oh my gosh,
do you need me to click? Awareness! Awareness!
Sorry, awareness. Gosh, I'm playing different games.
Ignore me. It's okay, it's okay.
There we go, a four. Cool.
Um...yeah,
yeah, okay, okay. So after a while, like,
you're not too far ahead when you, like, realize
like, wait a second, like, you're trying to
listen for footsteps and tracks, and you've been, like,
tuning out your allies, but you realize
that your allies' sounds have stopped.
And you can kind of turn to see,
like, at the far end of the tunnel,
um, like, yeah, they've
stopped at, like, Reeb and Zedek are
having this...oh, sorry, um,
Zedek and Lorne are having this discussion.
Reeb's trying not to pay attention to
what's happening. I'm going to turn
over to the two of them.
What are you two talking about? Are you
having a stupid voice in your heads?
Yes, they are.
Reeb,
uh, da, um,
hit them, uh...
What?
I don't know, maybe it will help.
Reeb Van Horn.
Oh, quiet!
Do you want them? The power, the
great weapons, the ability
to make war across a hundred worlds.
The legion you can
command.
Reeb's gonna throw his brow at this.
You know I damn well don't want that!
Talk to, talk to the green one!
They are
talking to you?
Yes.
I'm going to look around and just
see, is there anyone coming? Is there
anything coming? I'm kind of scanning my
horizons, and I am vaguely
suspicious of my allies right now.
Absolutely, absolutely.
So you're kind of like looking around
and trying to figure out what's going on.
Um,
yeah, like your allies, like,
so let's go back to, uh, Lorne
and Zedek. Like, how's that conversation
going?
Less of a conversation, more of us just
making throat sounds.
I guess
this is every time we talk, we're just all like,
Zedek, stop
shaking each other and get out
of the back of my brain.
I know, but we can't stop
shaking each other, because the demon's
gonna talk to us again, Lorne.
Wait, Zedek, I have an
amazing idea!
Alright, let me hear it,
Lorne. Think of the most
annoying song
in your head. That will make
him fuck off.
Hm.
Mm, mm, mm.
Lorne stops and starts humming
do-do-do-da-do-da-do-do
and just strolls down
up the pie.
Yeah, so you get to Pie, like,
who's kind of in the middle of this
connecting glass hallway.
What is the voice
in your head saying, Lorne
and others?
I can't hear him, uh,
because he's currently being drowned out by
a guy named Rick.
And also Boop.
That is insane. Good.
It's talking about having a
legion to conquer the galaxy.
Please, silence!
This is not helpful.
Everyone knows you can't conquer the galaxy
with a single legion.
It's not my business.
I don't damn well care.
Well, if you wanted to conquer the galaxy,
you would need more than a legion.
You would need a powerful, cunning
warrior warlord at the head
of that legion. One whose
fury
and wisdom and might
outscaled that of the
planet's base contract.
As you're saying this, Pie, there is a shadow
that is falling over the tunnel
as something
immense covers, like,
behind you,
um, the sort of, like, outside
area, the sea,
which has some kind of light coming down from the
surface, darkens as this
titanic
form comes up behind you
and the rest of you, as Pie,
are speaking, see, like, teeth
rows upon rows of sharpened
knife-like teeth that appear,
lights from the facility glinting
off of them as some kind of mouth
the size of perhaps a small
titan opens up
and, like, then closes
slightly.
Pie?
Yes?
About the hell, Squid?
I'll turn around.
Doesn't look like that, does it?
Do I see this enormous, horrible
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, and, like, as you've turned,
it's, like, mouth opens once
again, and you hear the rumbling,
though it's not necessarily a rumbling
of the facility, because the facility is near it.
It's, like, a rumbling in the back of your mind.
This,
which the, uh, the other
three recognize as the
voice that was talking to them, just in, like, a
kind of, like, dark
bass,
guttural sound that it's
emitting.
Hmm.
And this time, all of you hear it.
Reap thine own
lone bonds,
Captain Zedek,
which of you wants
the Legion to conquer all?
And as it says
this, like, marching
in strangely
uniformed lines,
underneath its shadow, along
the, um,
the floor of the sea,
uh, these,
like, yeah, this mass
of maybe a hundred
in perfect line soldiers appear.
They appear to be
Skitari-like
figures with
strange protrusions from their
helmets and strange weapons
and metallic claws, and, like,
somehow, despite being
underwater, bloodstains,
mar their metal.
You fool!
What have you done to them?
I offer power
to them.
And, uh, how about we take our break here?
Yeah.
Okay, everybody. We're gonna take
another brookie break. I want to say thanks
to the folks who've been, you know,
helping us out on the channel and stuff, and we
will be right.
Back.
And we're back!
We are back. Welcome back, everyone.
We were getting land-blasted by, uh,
by bloody Doomguys.
Uh, yeah,
I believe we had left off with a
legion of, uh,
bloody, demonic
Skitari troops, uh, marching
on the, uh, the
bottom of the sea, uh, lining
up before our heroes who are inside,
like, some kind of air-protected hallway.
Looking out and looming
above the legions of, uh,
demonic Skitari is a
immense, uh, squid-like
shadow entity that is offering
this legion to
either, uh, Lorne,
Reeb, or Zedek.
Reeb is ignoring him.
He's being very passive-aggressive right now.
What? What have you done
to these Skitari?
Hey!
They are the greatest
legion.
They are the greatest fighters.
And now we will offer them.
We will offer them to the three
to see if they will take it, if they will
fight.
You are a fool!
My companions will never
accept your warped
demonic legions.
They are not even...
Your
warped Skitari are...
Hmm?
You should know this.
Why are you taunting me?
What do you mean, taunting you?
You are of no consequence
to us. You are our
servant in all but title already.
I do not
follow you
and your warped demon ways.
Name yourself!
But you do.
You kill, you maim, and
you burn. You do
so in our,
our,
honor, without even
knowing it. Thus we have
nothing to tempt you with.
For you do what we need you to do
already.
You are wrong!
I am a warrior of the
Forgeworld Lemuria!
Yes.
Who will kill anything
without provocation?
Without thinking? You will even
turn on your own allies when
it suits you.
We have no need of a servant like
you, for you are already
our servant.
I am not your servant,
and I am not
indiscriminate! I worship
the motive force! They see
all things reconstituted!
Anything I slay
will not remain dead unlike you,
demonic horde!
I see.
What of those you have
slain on the captain's ship?
Those fools were
causing problems!
Causing problems?
And then you turned your own weapon
against your allies so readily.
You,
you fill the seas
of blood. You
offer skulls without knowing
you offer skulls.
You are wrong. I, I do
these things for a reason. This is
why I was given the promotion.
To tech priest of
Lemuria. I am not some
mindless potter.
You are no priest.
You are a warrior sent
away for being too
murderous. You are sent
to serve with other
castaways.
No! This is
a great honor! An honor under the Primarchs!
You don't know what you're talking about!
But I have no need
to talk to you, for you
do our work already.
But Reeb, Lone,
Zedek,
you could have this power.
You could have this legion.
And like, at once, all of the
Skitarii raise up their, like,
demonic rifles.
I have no need for a
tide of violent
mechanical fools. Keep them
for yourself.
Are you not
at all tempted? You could lay
waste to Devakrabi.
Any world you need could be yours
in an instant.
If I'm going to
do that, I'll do it my damn self. I don't
need a gimme.
And to mention, if you
could have already promised that, you've already done
it already.
I have no need for this. I'm
tired of leading armies.
What? What?
The deep
Lorne lore.
Reeb, we'll turn to Lorne
at the end and be like, what?
Yeah.
Back and finish? I led many a raid.
We remember you
so bloody, but
another wants you.
Another wishes to claim you,
Lorne Barnes.
But we would offer you this gift
first.
Nah, I don't need it.
I've already done it.
At that time, it's over.
And there's nothing you can offer to me,
demon.
It would be even closer to making me tempted.
This legion could be yours.
Captain Zedek,
you truly wish
to be a force with this.
You
could. Yeah, spooky, spooky
demon god. Hold that thought.
Pi, what did it mean by
killing people on the deck?
Collector? You're stupid workers!
My stupid workers?
You're imbeciles that you
keep poorly fed and rabble as
yes, yes, Zedek.
I've gone into your depths
and I found them there, roving
gangs at first, and I have sharpened
my blades on them. And I
did it at first to help
your ship, to help clean
it of this terrible
infestation of what I thought was an
abnormality. But in truth, it was,
it was you! It was you and your
paw-walks on ship in control of
your people!
To
Investigator Lorne.
It's basically
Lorne will come up to Zedek and put his hand
on his shoulder going,
yeah, I knew it was him the entire time.
I've pretty much just...
You fucking stop him, Lorne! You totally didn't!
You totally didn't!
You mean to tell
me we had a glut of
court starch, not because they were
killing each other, but because you were
mulching them in the lower decks!
And you're welcome!
Pie, I can forgive
getting rid of the
the gangs, the undesirables
that we would have had to take care of anyway, but
but just killing
random people indiscriminately, I
thought better of you than that! Not random
people! Blood for the
blood god! No, you shut
up! It is
mulch for the mulcher! There's no
blood! It doesn't go into the
court starch, it's not nutritious.
I didn't kill anyone
randomly. I killed
those that were
disreputable. I killed
the gangers and the people that would
make fun of me when I would go
down and ask people if they wanted help
and it was
I
didn't do anything wrong!
Pie?
You... Why?
You didn't have to kill them because they
insulted you.
Well,
it's not as though I can
convince people that
what I'm doing is
is worthwhile. It's not
as though I can convince people that I am
the great Pie Brain through
action, for clearly
even the squid
is unimpressed!
But...
Pie, you've... you've impressed
me. You've saved
my skin countless times.
Not through the killing of my
crew members. We're going to have to have a talk
about that. But!
You have done a great deal.
You may... I would...
do not buy into
some of the things you say about
yourself, most of the self-aggrandizing,
but
you're still a very
competent skitari, and one of
the few people I would consider a friend.
I am not a skitari!
Not anymore!
I've told you! I've told all
of you this!
I'm... I was... I was offered the chance
to be something greater,
and they never gave it to me!
And everyone I meet
is so convinced that it's all
a lie. Well, if it's a lie,
it's one you're living to.
But... Pie!
This is not
that hard to reconcile.
Just because you were passed over
doesn't mean you need to assert yourself,
I wasn't passed over!
I was never passed over! Do you
understand? I would have lived my
entire life happily
as a skitari, but that's
not what they told me. They never
told me that they didn't
want me as a skitari.
They told me that
they were offering me the thing that
all skitari yearn for,
a chance to join the cult
Mechanicus. I had served on countless
battles. I had killed
constant foes. I have
kept our secrets, and even
our dealings with those that
I have
done much for my virtual world,
and I would do much more.
And yet, yet,
I come here, I come here
ill-prepared amidst
people that constantly
disappoint and
disregard me. You think
I'm some kind of witness
murderer? Well, then maybe
maybe I should
show you what a witness murderer looks like.
Because that is not what I've
ever been.
Can I...
Sorry, I wanted to
make a roll here.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Or speaker. Of course.
Reem's
gonna roll a persuasion at you.
I love
it.
Can I take two from
the glory pool?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I guess.
Hi, if you wish us to believe
you more than a witless murderer, perhaps
you should start acting like it.
Tough love.
Tough persuasion.
I'm going to re-roll that, actually.
Come on!
Oh no, my death.
Alright, how do I re-roll that again?
Just roll it again.
Oh, okay.
I'll roll the failures, sorry.
Yes, roll 66, and we'll do that.
And...
That adds two more.
So five in a complication.
Five success in a complication.
Okay.
I'm gonna have
Pibrain roll...
Oh gosh, I'm gonna have Pibrain
roll a willpower
test, please.
Okay, can I get any addition
of that? No.
I don't think I can pass it.
I want you to roll
willpower.
That's very good.
You want to just have roll
3d6 for him?
Did it not go through?
You're not even showing up as any.
So I will roll it for you.
Yes, by all means. So sorry.
Okay, so you get four successes
and one failure. I am going
to spend a rune point to
re-roll one of Pye's d6.
Oh, how kind.
Yeah, you know.
Get him.
Alright, we're tied.
Oh, Ritzvist apparently rolled.
Alright, now I was gonna
show you. I'll take the lead.
I mean, we're even.
Absolutely.
So like, obviously, like,
the narrative here is like Pye
is kind of having a, almost out of
like, his regular character,
experience. He's kind of having this, like,
amazing rage moment.
Yeah, normally you can't use social
skills against him, but this is like, this is Reeb
reaching out. This is like, this is
a moment of, like, trying to
utilize the abilities to pull him back.
And Reeb, you do.
You do manage to
pull Pyebrain
back a little bit
into
that, like, that slightly
sane, slightly
like, okay, things aren't
quite as terrible as they are.
However,
however,
he does, like, as part of, like,
you reaching him, like, Reeb is, or
Pyebrain is kind of, like, angry.
And as a complication, he is
going to make a,
an attack against you. Not with
his, like, power weapon or anything
like that. But, like, he's going
to try to backhand you.
So, I'm going to. Okay, roll that unarmed check.
I am.
Uh, wow, he
crits you with his backhand.
I kill Reeb
even when I don't.
Alright, how much damage does Fist and Critical Hit
do? Alright, I'm going to do Fisty McFist
here, one sec.
Actually, not too bad.
Uh, just, just eight.
Uh, eight total damage.
So, I think you absorb that.
Let me take a look. Uh, resilience
is eight. Yes, no AP.
Yeah.
Yeah, no AP. However, there is
Critical. Don't roll the Critical.
See what we get. Yeah, we'll roll the,
we'll roll the old, the old
Critty McCullough. 2d6.
See what happens. Uh, yeah. This is actually going
way, this is actually playing into my hand more than you think.
Oh, good. Oh, good. This, this
is, this is, this is, these deep, these
deep-seated lore moments here.
Uh, let's see. I'm going to roll 2d6
for this, this crit effect.
Um, Ritzvis backhand I is,
because it's still selected for some reason.
Uh, 23. Uh,
bloody rupture. Oh, like
mangled flesh crossed bone.
Uh, like, so it probably smashes you, like,
in your nose, uh, and you
take, um,
1d3 mortal wounds.
And, uh,
I'm going to spend, uh, two rune points to increase
this by two, so you're going to take three mortal wounds
from that.
So, I'll be down a total of three of my
rune points at the end of that.
Yeah, the backhand from
pie. Okay. Yes.
Your, your, your punch, or whatever
initially should be a complication instead.
Oh, it also complicates? Okay, okay.
So, both of them have complicated.
So, like, I, I am going to say
the complication is that
both of them probably go, like,
prone beside each other
from this. Um,
as there is, like,
some kind of just, like,
collapse to the ground
of both of them, uh,
as, like, pie lashes out.
Oh, yeah, okay. Okay.
Yeah, absolutely. Uh, if you want to
play this out now that we've done the, uh,
the, the damaging thing,
uh, go ahead.
How clever you look
now, Reap.
You're so much and wise.
You always
know exactly what
to say. And you
also know enough to know that it
doesn't matter. Because
I could, I could
fix the ship for you. I
could slay a thousand
demons for you.
I could cause problems
in my good intent
to attempt to improve your
miserable life.
And I know that it wouldn't
matter. Because to you,
Reap, to you,
I would never be your peer.
To you, Reap,
I would always be the second
most intelligent member
of the crew. To you, Reap,
I would simply be,
the loud-mouthed
barbarian.
Yes, and you've done excellently
convincing me otherwise just now, Pi.
Do you see what you do to yourself?
And he's just
going to blast blood out of his nose.
Yeah, like,
to Zedek and Lorne, like,
the two of them are, like, on the floor.
Like, Reap's nose is a splattered
mess. Behind them is the
sea of, like, demonic
skitari standing like statues
of, like, the weird squid.
That is the scene we have here.
Do you understand you do nothing for your own
stereotype? Tell me
something, Pi. You wish to be
a tech priest. Do you know what they even bloody
do? I'll give you a hint. They don't
go around menacing and marauding
and slaughtering. If you wish to
be one, then perhaps at this time you
look towards that.
If you wish to maraud and slaughter
and fight, then embrace
it. But for...
for God's sake, man!
Ugh!
If you're going to be one thing
and then demand people respect you
as another, you need to reconcile
that. That is not my job.
I will never see you as a
peer. And you will just have to live
with that. I already live with the
fact that the two of us are different enough.
I can't even cast...
psychic
abilities like Lorne does, but I've
come to grips with that. I will never own a
ship that Captain Zedek does or have the
freedom he does. And I will never
have your augments. And I've
reconciled that. I understand
that. Perhaps you should as...
And you should as
well!
I hope you don't understand.
Everything special
about me was created in a lab.
I didn't
mean to break your laboratory.
I tried
to help myself.
And it didn't work.
And it caused a fire.
And it's almost driven you insane.
It is
the lead-up to that
that you need to think of.
You have incredibly high
impulses.
If you think about
it, before
you do it, you will find people
respecting your opinions faster
and more readily. If you act
on everything that crosses your mind at a moment's
notice, like breaking my
bloody nose!
Can I spend the glory to interrupt?
Uh, uh, you, you, you,
you certainly can. What, what do you want?
This sounds like a narrative declaration,
Zedek. What are you, what are you looking to do here?
Uh, Zedek would like to look at
Lorne, just like, wordlessly knowing
what must be done.
Oh. Oh god. Lorne looks at
Zedek and goes like, I don't know what the fuck
he's, what are you looking at me for? Something on
my face? Am I just certain?
I'm just, I don't know. Lorne, look at me!
Like, like he cocks his finger and like,
he cocks his finger and like
looks at Pye like, alright, we
gotta take Pye out back.
Got it.
He just takes his staff, gets ready, starts
pointing, he's like, huh? Huh? This?
This? This?
How about you, you make a narrative declaration
and mark yourself down a wrath point
there, Alki, and like, explain
like, like not psychically
psychically what like, thing
you and Lorne like, agree to do
before, uh, Lorne takes it in a completely
dark direction.
So, psychically,
wordlessly, I don't know if it's just psychically,
I just figured Lorne would kinda be on the same wavelength
by happenstance.
Zedek will see that the
situation is not necessarily improving.
I assume Lorne also does,
but probably has different ideas of how to solve it.
And
Zedek will just start sprinting
full bore at Pye
and Reeb, and he would like to
chuck in the air,
and Belgian flying kick
Pye off of Reeb.
Oh.
Okay.
Dropkick time.
Just like a wrestling match. Absolutely.
Fuck yeah, give me a weapon skill test.
Absolutely. This is great.
What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah, I like it.
Counterattack.
Oh man, is Zedek gonna do a CQC hug?
Oh no.
I'm gonna re-roll that.
Yeah, okay, okay, so re-roll the four failures.
Re-rolling. Oh god. Well, three failures. There you go.
And Reeb got a rest back.
Oh, hell yeah.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
So yeah, you like tackle, but like,
it definitely, the complication is
the tackle hug. Like, rather than kicking you,
you like, jump a bit too early,
fall forward, and like, tackle
Pye off, but like, land in some
kind of like, huggish grapple
with him.
Though Reeb may be right,
Pye, sometimes
you just gotta act without thinking.
Words fail. And you know who taught
me that?
You.
So get your shit together!
And come to grips with
what you're being told is being a lie.
And swear it out later.
Zedek.
I'm gonna put my
hands around his head.
What, gently?
Gently, asterisks.
I could crush your head
between my hands.
I know you could.
Like a cantaloupe.
But you are my friend.
And that
is what matters to me.
And as you say that, the squid's tendrils like,
rise up and begin smashing into
the ground, like,
no!
Marno, come in.
And help both of them up.
And we'll be like,
Marno, you always also
have to remember that
you're one of the,
like, think of all the great tech priest type
things you've done with the debt collector.
Gamu has done
nearly nothing but just print out complaints.
You came up with solutions.
Who's the one who helped
us in various tech problems
whenever we encountered them?
I am also on the forward
party, but I
appreciate
the gesture. I
No, no, no.
You are the debt collector's
tech priest.
In your own words,
tech priest.
You are the one who's been
helping us with nearly every single
tech-related problem. If anything
came up, we came to you. We never
went to Gamu.
We avoided Gamu because we prefer
you. All of
our tech issues. You've helped us
in so many different ways,
bringing us with joy. And we know
you have improved since you
first came to the ship.
You're the only adept who has ever
respected me. Man, you have only met two.
But, the only one who's ever done
anything either. You are
the, one of the only people I trust
to get something done when I ask
them to do it. And
one of the only people I've ever called friend.
From all the
skittai rangers that I've ever
met, you're the one
who's able to strike his own path.
You've done better than
he kinda motions the army out there.
Better than all of
them. Look at them all.
Not able to fix a toaster if they
ever needed to. And here you are.
You have solved so many
issues with all of us. And you have
helped us out with so many things. Oh,
they can conquer plants, but you
can perform better. You can
transform futures, Pybrain.
Don't destroy.
Kill. Break. Don't
build. Don't repair. Only
break. And like the squid is smashing
the tendrils all around. You see?
You see what it yells, Pybrain?
You are able to
mend. You came forth even
to mend yourself. Self
improvement, Pybrain. Look
at how pathetic this thing is.
I'm going to put my hand on Lorne's
shoulder. And on Zedek's shoulder.
Thank you.
And I agree.
Their guns are very stupid. There is
no reason for there to be an eyeball
on the break for it is dumb.
Good job on the art, by the way, Garrett.
We love it.
He's going to gently kind of
put them aside for a moment.
And walk up to Reeb.
And extend his hand.
Reeb.
I am sorry.
I know you
probably hate me for
various reasons, but
you are my friend
and I wish
I had the chance to live the kind
of life you have.
I am jealous of you.
He will take the hand
and be brought up to his feet.
Ugh. Pybrain.
You must understand something.
We will likely
end this whole escapade as
not friends
for the most part.
Just with you, I find
your presence frustrating.
But the fact that we have not outright
attempted to
intentionally
murder each other
should speak to the fact that we are able to tolerate
each other for the time being. I think you are my friend.
Ugh.
Fine.
Think that.
We can continue with this.
You brought the tech priestess back to life.
And whenever we require
information about this
giant, scary, stupid world,
you know what it is.
You might not think
I am your friend
and maybe that is fine.
But to me,
you are my friend.
And I...
That is the only answer
my cogitators can come to.
No. Boom, boom, boom.
No. And you, like, see the
glass starting to crack
on the, um, the hall
that you're in. But you also hear, back from
the way you came, this, like, pop
hiss, like, psss,
of something opening.
We have places to be. We can discuss this
in the void.
This is a good idea. I'm going to look
back at the giant squid.
By the way, your squid is not an
anatomically correct.
And then I'm going to begin
leaping to the door.
Absolutely.
Leaping up to Khorne.
And, like, yeah, the last thing you see
is the, like, the
squid, like, its anger
smashing the legions of these
demonic
skitari that don't even move
as they're, like, being completely
destroyed. And you have your moment
pie, and then you all,
like, climb up the ladder back into
the liminal space
as this scene falls
apart, and then the hatch seals
behind you,
putting you back into the,
uh, the strange space you were in
before.
Can I do a Medicaid to
fix my fucking major wounds
that I've sustained? Absolutely.
Can I use that Medicaid I threw out as a joke
to fix Pie's owie booboo earlier?
Yeah.
Sure.
Okay, I got great news.
Yep? Uh, I'm pretty sure
that's nine successes.
Holy fuck.
Yeah, you get your, you get your mortal wounds
back, you fuck. Yeah, there we go. Yep.
Nine successes.
Like, wrap yourself up
in the warp area.
No, he's just gonna twist his nose back into
position. Oh, like... It was, like, upside down.
Friends, I
just, like, wanted to
say I'm
very sorry.
I did not believe
that, that I would be
so tempted, and
that
I,
I am a living garbage
can at times.
With a sword on it
that is, this
metaphor is stupid.
He passed his shoulder.
It's okay. It's just, I
as I've been tracking you down through the
declutter's depth, I've got all the contacts
of the, uh, of the people you
killed, and, and just to make
it up to them, uh, here's a list of
all the funerals you need to attend to.
Oh, shit!
Goddamn!
Perhaps that's not the best choice.
You can start doing your
Why would someone have a funeral? I don't understand.
It's a matter of inducting the corpse
into the recycling plant. It's important
for some people. Oh, you just go get them
all at once. I believe,
Pi, this would be an excellent opportunity
to prove you can do more than just
wantonly slaughter people.
Yes. I could create a new
funeral. That's not what
I suggested. Not that
you can make an efficient one, you know, that does
like, the, the little box thing, but
the box could be reusable, then it dumps
their corpse out into the grinder. Yes.
And I could create a machine that gives
people funerals before they have died.
Yes, exactly!
Save my brain!
What do you call
the funeral machine?
What the fuck?
Reeve is gonna look at the camera like
he's on the office and say, this is why I'm not
friends with him.
Absolutely.
Funeral
2!
Maybe,
maybe the funeralizer
is a strange
invention I will have to consider
later.
For now, I am,
uh...
We have one more place to go through
and I have a feeling this is going to pertain
to Lorne.
Yeah, I'm proud to lash one up.
No way, I got this.
Time for you to suffer, too.
And the end.
Well, we know
that there are birds involved, and I
think that birds
do not live in the, uh,
snow, so
we might be in a good place
starting out.
Okay.
You continue carrying on
for a little ways.
It doesn't take long for you
to see another strange
formation
on the unseen
road that you walk in this liminal space
of psychedelic energy.
This time, standing
out in stark contrast
to the broken space around you.
Is the entrance
of a cave.
The stones sort of
layered on top of each other
leading into this
dark area, but at the far end of it
you can see light peering in.
As you approach
closer to the cave entrance that
blocks the end of your passage on
this walkway, you feel
like the cold wind
coming through and washing over you.
It's a chill,
and none of you, except for Lorne,
have experienced. Something that
touches you, and no matter your armor,
even your mechanical
parts, it chills
your body and soul.
Lorne, you recognize this
as the chill winds
of Fenris.
Just
like home.
Well, whichever this one
is, but you already know where I came from.
And...
Yeah.
Are you ready, everyone?
I'm going to overheat my plasma rifle.
Yeah, like,
overheat the plasma rifle, keep it close to you.
Yeah, just hug it.
Now I am good.
See, Lorne's just fine.
Everyone else is different. It's like, what do you mean?
I'm used to it. Why aren't you?
It's so cold, Lorne.
How do you live here
with no cover?
I mean...
I mean, this is summer.
This is
summer?
Yeah.
You walk into the cave,
and unlike the
cave that you first
woke up in after your encounter
with the orcs, there's no sound of
water here, no dripping. Everything
in the interior is frozen.
There's just the echoes of your footsteps
on rock as you continue
sort of scaling up slowly
towards the end of the cave that is
this pure, bright white
light beyond
which you can see
a vast
landscape of mountains
and snow.
Well, do you know
the way, Lorne, or are we going to freeze
in your dream?
Lorne looks around. Can I do
an awareness check to see if I
might be familiar
with what's going on?
Absolutely.
Okay. Awareness, here we
go.
I got a two.
Okay.
Could you give me
a willpower
test?
Technically, I would complicate on that.
No, no. My bad.
Keep going. Keep going.
Give me a willpower test as well.
Sure can.
Lorne got a five.
Okay.
You kind of
come out. You're trying to look.
It's difficult to pinpoint where you are.
But then there's this flash
and
you have it in
your mind. This
topographical
layout. Fenris changes.
With seasons. But
this particular image has
burned itself into your mind.
It's the day your village
was raided.
Far long ago.
One of the earliest moments
in Lorne's life. You remember this
because of the appearance of the mountains. Everything
here is so idyllic
compared to what you know Fenris to be.
Because as a child, this is how you
remembered it.
Oh, I remember
this.
There was a
We fought many a
battles away from home.
And I had to stay
behind to
look over the village. But I was
wounded at the time.
And as all
warriors were away, the
feltrins came
in and
wiped everything out.
Hmm.
I killed all of
all the families that I knew and
slaughtered the children
and
everything else.
That's
where I remember when I
I was taken then after.
I was able to crawl
away after the battle.
And over there
actually. And he kind of points over
kind of like at a distant hill or so.
I climbed all the way there.
And that's where the warriors
found me.
What warriors?
They were titans.
By enormous
men.
Who came in from the
buffeting snow.
I couldn't quite understand them really.
But I
arrived on some in the metal
structure to send it to the debt collector.
And was
brought in to the emperor's service
then.
And like as you
you finish pointing at this hill and saying
that the wind
kind of howls slightly but at the tail
end of it you hear like
the laughter of children.
Kind of carried on
further down away from the hill
but still visible from your elevated
vantage point. A small
village fortified
up against the side of a rising mountain.
Like very like
like very defensible
like wooden planking has been set up.
To defend this place.
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
... ...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
in the air as a lone
bird a black
raven seems to circle
above the village
oh
oh no I Lauren will turn to everybody
saying we need to leave
we need to
to my home to my home quickly
and then Lauren will basically just quickly just
leave over it's like they're coming
Lauren is getting
in that phase where he gets very
emotionally invested
in things I think we will have to
work extra hard for him not to accidentally
worship the bird king
will we I don't feel
that's going to be an issue
I know this man
he is either a very funny
man or a very very
emotional man and sometimes a funnily
emotional man but more than likely
yes he would probably be tempted very very
hard
and so like
Lauren you're trudging ahead through the snow
right like I assume
I am ahead
I am ahead
I am ahead
probably just up to your knees like you're just
like like with with some kind of
renewed strength and vigor pushing
through towards the village and he's
he's like yelling around like why
well the
well the
and like he's like the
only response is the bird
cawing back at you
and he looks at it in fear
every time it gets closer and
closer to his home
and like as
I assume the the three
uh
others you're all following like
kind of trying to keep pace with Lauren
um as as like Lauren is sort of like
taken lead here
you can see that uh from the
the opposite side of the village kind of
in between these two mountain ranges that
rise up in the distance
is this like roiling gale this
storm this grey miasma of sleet
and snow and cold rushing towards and in
you can hear, like, savage cries and shouts.
And it's everything, Lorne, from your memories of that day,
the shouts of warriors coming to kill, to raid, to take.
Everyone get inside, get inside.
Enter the building.
Pyrebrain, come here!
I shove Pyrebrain in, like, grab that sword over there.
Reap, reap, here, there's a spear!
And he's just grabbing just weapons that's kind of, like, in his house.
You know how to use a shield, right?
You know how to use a shield, right?
Yeah, and you come into the village, and, like, you're sort of at the front hut,
which has all this equipment, and you're grabbing all of this,
but, like, the villagers around you, the women, the children, the elderly, the wounded,
they seem to just be going around like it's a regular day.
As this black cloud descends, they seem entirely oblivious to it.
I'm going to grab Lorne.
As I can, as he's moving around, like, frantically, and lift him up slightly.
Lorne!
What? What?
You need to calm down.
I speak as someone who has just had a very bad day.
You need to realize that none of this is real.
These are all things being shown to you to upset you.
Lorne will look directly in the Pyrebrain's glowing eyes,
and I like to imagine that Pyrebrain looks back and just sees, like,
you know, like, the joke that people have, like,
like, PTSD, like, just black and white war footage just faded in with a thousand-yard stare.
He's got that old metal jacket. Yeah, the Kubrick stare.
He is staring at him with horror, which he's never really been, like, scared, scared, or whatever,
but this is like, oh, God, it's happening again.
Jellic, can you hold this?
He has gone mad from the revelation, and he needs good words, and I am not good at wording.
And, like, as you go to hand him off, you hear, like, from within,
the storm, this, like, ululating,
ah,
rattle cry,
and you see shadows moving within the storm,
strange creatures feathered and clawed,
and men that walk as beasts.
Pie, this is a bit out of my depth.
Lorne, it's,
trust me, because Pie and I have both been through the same thing.
None of this is real.
It seems very, very real,
but trust me, it is not,
it is not real.
You gotta get a hold of yourself and pull through this.
I would like to make a leadership test against Lorne.
I mean, it's not against him.
You're using him.
Against Lorne?
It is.
Against him.
I insist.
All right, it is against him.
Fine.
Fine.
Here you go, Lorne.
I rolled to demoralize Lorne.
Six successes.
Uh, yeah, so you kind of, like,
I assume this might even end with, like,
a slap or something of, like,
getting Lorne's senses back to him.
Uh, six is pretty, is pretty decent.
So, Lorne, this will have some effect on you,
but I'm gonna let you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna let you play.
Listen, listen.
Here, here.
You're right, Shedding.
You're, you're right.
We, uh,
you know,
as I remember,
in this situation,
I basically was too wounded,
and I had to listen to everything
and look through the windows
as they did everything.
But this time, we can make a difference.
We can face this fear together.
With all of you, my friends.
Now we can,
let's go face this threat head-on.
Let's go confront
who wants to come after us.
Because I say, like,
Gorgomungus on him,
he will not be able to take us this day
if I have all of you.
Uh, yeah.
Do you insist?
I didn't,
I didn't say we should fight them,
but you should,
sure, sure, sure, Lorne.
Oh, come on, Zedek,
you know a good battle when you see it
is in time to,
you know,
get on their shoulders
and just start marching on
with the leadership check-in.
Lorne, we just learned a valuable lesson
about immediately killing everyone we know.
Wait.
But if we don't kill them,
they kill other ships.
So, Lorne,
are you just, like,
walking out, like,
in front of the village now
with, like,
getting ready to defend it?
Yeah,
just pretty much saying,
come on,
let's face this threat head-on
and get out of here.
And what are the,
what are the rest of you,
what are you doing?
Are you standing with Lorne,
like, outside the,
the city walls?
It is impossible for me
to, in good consciousness,
allow Lorne to move unsupervised
right now
as he deals with old man dementia
and is protected.
Oh, Jesus.
My man's Lorne's got brain worms today.
Okay.
So, Lorne,
you see this, like,
cloud coming towards you.
What are you doing?
Like, are you doing anything
against the cloud?
Is it, like,
like, rushing towards you,
this storm of snow and death?
Lorne would like to
basically start summoning
as much of his psychic powers.
Okay.
And we'll basically just,
it's just like,
imagine him on top of,
like, this hill
or kind of mountain portion
in the village
just doing magic wizard stuff.
Okay.
And just echoing through,
like,
you're not into this village!
And then just slamming out his staff,
doing lightning stuff
against the cloud, etc.
Kind of in his mind.
Like, he would kind of,
like, he would begin speaking,
to the weather and stuff
in old village days.
Can you, uh,
give me,
give me a psychic mastery test, please?
Are you, like,
going unbound, too?
Or are you just...
Sure!
Unbound!
No, no care.
Because he is now, like,
full on,
I'm gonna destroy this thing.
Absolutely.
So, unbound is, like,
two more wrath die, right?
Yep.
Okay, I did put in that one,
so it's six originally.
And then there's two more
D6s there.
Yep.
It'll be a...
One's a six
and one's a one.
Okay.
And the six,
he's the last one.
So, you...
Yeah, one's one is a one.
Uh, so, like,
what exact effect
are you trying to do against?
Like, are you kind of, like,
summoning the world spirit here
and, like...
Yeah, pretty much
the wolf spirit of Fenris
of just conjuring up
to pretty much push back
against, you know,
the evil chaos magic
that he knows that's coming.
And he is basically, like,
pushing back against it
because he knows
in the village, like,
the thing came in
and swooped down his village
and corrupted so many people.
So he's like,
no!
He's, like,
trying to be the bulwark
against it.
And so,
and so what happens here
is this, like,
manifestation
of the wolf spirit
of Fenris,
like,
comes out from
the snow of the village,
rising up like
a particle effect
that has this sort of
appearance of, like,
the head of a wolf
and snarling claws.
And it goes
and begins to wrestle
with this cloud.
And, Lorne,
you are standing
on top of the hill
in this village,
kind of pushing
this, like,
guiding this world
spirit to fight.
And as this is happening,
these,
these hordes
of feathered,
bestial creatures
wielding, like,
shields and clubs
are rushing out
just underneath
the edge of the cloud
where the wolf spirit is.
And, like,
from, from our view
that, like,
sort of takes us away,
we can see, like,
Reeb and Captain Zedek
and Pybrain
standing just underneath
the shadow of this wolf
fighting against these,
these bestial figures
that are coming
and attacking.
But then we realize
that it's not just
us as an audience
who's watching it.
We're seeing this
through Lorne's eyes.
And, Lorne,
you're actually seeing
your own body
far off in the distance
on top of this hill
in the village
conjuring this wolf spirit.
And you realize
that you must be on a,
on, like,
the side of a mountaintop
or hill
that is far,
far away from the site
but enough for you
to get a clear view
in the distance.
And you,
you know that you're,
you're not in your real body
but you're in some kind
of, like,
spiritual form.
You're,
you're in a weird form
that is far away
from the village
watching it
as your body
is sort of doing
all the work.
And you hear
this kind of
laughing voice
behind you
of,
ha, ha, ha,
where's in?
It looks like
you're trying
to change
your life's weird
then, aren't ya?
As you,
like,
your spirit turns
to see
this massive,
bulked out,
shamanistic figure
with a strange
black wooden staff
who has this,
this, like,
slight similarity
in visage,
this long red beard
flowing like red hair.
It looks almost like
the raider chief
that raided your village
from so long ago
but clearly not, like,
with the armor
and the, the pelts.
This is more of, like,
a shamanistic version
of this man
who clutches onto this,
this black wood staff
and stands beside you
looking down at this scene
unfolding.
Oh, Gamunga.
I have many names.
But you may call me that
if that is what you wish.
We are watching
the time now
and the time then.
Your friends are standing
against the dark
that encroaches.
Lauren will look down
and closer to the valley
and he'll see all his friends
all down there.
And of course, the scene is, like,
there's a huge, like,
demonic-looking army
about to come in
and destroy the village.
Yeah, and, like,
it's, it's kind of, like,
it's kind of, um,
there's the black cloud
and underneath it,
you can kind of see, like,
the small figures of the army
spreading under the cloud
and then the three
of your companions opposed to it,
that, like, are standing under
the more, like, white and clear
version of the snow wolf
that your material body
is conjuring to fight the storm.
Some kind of, like, album cover
going on here.
Yeah.
It's like, it's just a Power Wolf album.
Yes!
And behold, the wizard!
Um.
I mean, Lauren will kind of look to him,
pretty much just kind of furrows his brow
and immediately, he just doesn't
really respond all that much,
but just
Hold up, someone, someone's dying.
Oh, no, don't die.
Okay, nevermind.
And, uh, he'll go
and immediately molten beam at him.
Sure.
Please, please roll Unbound
for a molten beam.
Oh, my unbounded beam.
Unbounded beam.
Oops, I beamed again.
I hate your music,
but you're still my friend.
Okay, I did not complicate.
But it's nine successes,
and I technically created it or whatever.
And 29 is-
Nine successes, you say?
Yeah, nine successes, I say.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Um, like, the beam just, like, smashes
into the chest of this figure who looks down
and sort of, like, dusts himself off slightly
as the beam strikes him,
and, like, kind of, like, takes a deep breath,
like, sucking in good air.
Oh.
Very good, very good.
You've grown quite a bit,
but that's all you have, isn't it?
Just the beam.
I have others, too.
And he casts Crush at him,
because he's just throwing what he can at him.
Yeah, yeah, give me a Crush.
And then you'll have to be three wrath,
and boop-bloop.
Boop-bloop.
Boop-bloop.
That is 13 successes and no complications.
And, like, you can see, like,
you kind of, like, push the hand back a bit,
and he's looking and, like, looks down at the hand
and reaffirms it and kind of plants it in the ground
and looks back at you.
Very, very good.
You're getting very skilled with those abilities,
but they aren't going to save your friends.
You mean they won't save them.
Oh, look.
As I said, we're watching.
We're watching the then.
We're watching the now.
But why don't we see about the to be?
And, like, as you kind of look back at the battlefield,
something momentarily changes,
and you see that, like, the shape of the cloud,
the black cloud fighting against the wolf
and then the three, like, champions under it
has kind of changed,
and it takes on the sneering face of one Slaburgo de Focopy,
and it takes on the sneering face of one Slaburgo de Focopy,
and it takes on the sneering face of one Slaburgo de Focopy,
and, like, it seems to be pushing the wolf back.
and, like, it seems to be pushing the wolf back.
and, like, it seems to be pushing the wolf back.
It's a good fight,
but it's not going to be enough.
It won't be enough.
I definitely have more psychic power
than the fucker with his pinky.
or maybe you do have more of the psychic power.
Or maybe you do have more of the psychic power.
That makes no sense.
And he pauses and turns.
And he pauses and turns.
Wait a minute.
Hold up.
Hold up there.
Hold up.
Okay.
And just say, I have more power by pinky than him.
Yeah, there we go.
I figured it out.
Well, I don't know.
Because he is using a weird that goes beyond the mind space.
He's using dark things, alien things.
And your friends, they won't last long.
And, like, he points again.
And you can see now that, like, Pi Brain and, like, Reeb and Zedek are kind of having to back off.
Your psychic wolf is sort of being, like, beaten down.
Not by, like, any attacks, but just the sneering smile of the defuckerby cloud.
It's not going to be enough, I'm afraid.
You're going to lose.
And your friends, they're all going to die.
And you're just like your village.
Lord, we're losing this fight on this end.
And, like, yeah, you hear Reeb shouting to your corporeal body like you can hear it in the back of your skull.
It's like, that's when I can't reply back to him or something.
I'd like you, like, respond like your corporeal form can, like, grit something through gritted teeth.
It's like, you'll Arendelle everybody else here.
I'm just going to say my best.
And, like, back into the spirit hill that you have.
The figure of this raider chieftain shaman says,
But your best might not be enough.
And if your best isn't enough, all of your friends are going to die.
But there's more than that.
You've seen it, haven't you?
You've seen him sitting there.
He's going to sit on the throne.
And, like, you have a flashback to that dream you had before waking up in the cave of Slaburgo defuckerby
sitting on the throne.
The golden throne of mankind.
The smile flashing into your vision.
Imitating perfectly the cloud form that is, like, pushing against your friends.
Pushing them to the walls of the village.
The one to, uh, look at here on the mountains and say,
How do I know you're not lying?
I've already experienced ray either of your ilk trying to convince my friends and whatnot.
We've all said no.
How do I think you're just trying to trick me or something?
Yes.
Because.
Yes, I've seen the visions.
Yes, I've seen it all.
I don't think you have.
I don't think you have anything.
I can give you everything.
I can give you the power you need to make your weird, to break your weird, and make it your own.
To break the cycle.
To stop the man.
Who would kill your friends.
And, like, at this point, like, Lorne and Zedek and Pybrain have fallen back to the, to, to just at the door of, of the village.
Like, the more of these feathered monstrosities are rushing and attacking them.
Anytime, Lorne.
This is the worst planet ever!
I'm tired.
Wait!
The brainer chieftain!
He points towards, uh, the, the fellow who Lorne is backing.
The one he's meddling with.
If we kill him, this is over!
And, like, there's this, like, in the center of the storm is, yeah, the, like, not the shamanistic version that Spirit Lorne is with on the hill.
But this hulking brute in plated armor.
It looks as though he's taken the plates from even the, the emperor's angels and fused them to his, his armor.
And he wields this club that is, like, spiked with adamantine and pats it in his hand as he advances.
The throng of feathered, bestial creatures running towards.
They're going, they're going to try.
But they won't succeed.
Of course they're going to try.
I, I have faith in them.
Lorne will kind of look from the mountainside.
Like, he yells there, but it's like, he obviously probably won't even go through.
But he's like, you can do it, boys!
In fact, I'll hold off the things you can do it.
To slay the chieftain folk.
Once he's gone, everything comes down.
Yeah, so what are the people on the ground doing?
Like, you've got this sort of, like, mob of bestial, like, feathered creatures in front of you using primitive weaponry.
And then you have this, this immense ogre titan coming towards you with its, its big club.
Do, do we see this, uh, this chieftain?
Um, yeah.
Like, you, you see him sort of in the middle of, of this, surrounded by dozens of these, like, armored, of these bestial creatures.
Uh, I am going to attempt to grab the attentions of the horde and the titan.
Okay.
And break off from the group, hoping to create a pathway to get to the shaman.
Okay.
Absolutely.
Use myself as bait.
Well, the, sorry, I should clarify.
The shaman isn't, like, in that group.
The shaman and Lorne are, like, having a spirit conversation on a hill that you can't see.
All you're seeing is this big titan, like, leader in the...
the miasmic fog.
Like, he is the leader of this attack.
Oh, okay.
In that case...
I'm going to run at this guy.
Absolutely.
I have been, I have been told, I have just soulfully experienced that it is important to not be a psycho murder machine.
But for this particular instance, okay, I'll be a psycho murder machine, sure.
You can't quite reach him, but you can, like, attack the mob, absolutely.
I'll do that.
Okay.
Give me, give me a weapon skill test.
Plus one.
Sure, sure, sure.
Here we go.
What was I else?
The king goes, I else.
I'm gonna get you.
This is a lot of time.
It's very hard.
So that is going to be 13 successes.
Uh-huh.
I'll be moving those three wrath over.
It's okay.
Will you save them all?
And that is another three damage.
So it's 16 damage.
That's a lot of damage.
You start cutting down almost, like, almost 10 of these things, just slashing them with your sword, and they're falling, and they're, they're giving off these, like, ha-ha, but, like, as you slash them down, like, they seem to burst into this black dust and add to the storm around you.
And, like, back up on the hill, the, the, the, the, the raider shaman beside you, Spiritlorn.
And they're trying very well, and they have.
Spirit, but Spirit might not be enough.
I'm sure they can make it.
Just, just watch them.
They're gonna glare through all these things and take out that sheep.
And as, as, as that is said, the, like, this, the, the black smog cloud of defucker be, like, the sneering smile, like, seems to turn and look down at Pybrain.
Pybrain, can you give me a willpower?
Test, please.
Since you asked me so nicely.
Yeah.
No, I don't think I could.
I'm gonna, I'll put, uh, two into this.
Sure.
To glory.
To glory.
Hey, five successes.
Yeah.
Okay, um, not quite enough.
The difficulty here is eight.
That's an insane number of human beings.
Uh, says the someone who just rolled the 13.
Okay.
Well, okay, okay.
All right.
But, like, all of my points are in that one skill.
Mm-hmm.
Oh, God.
Um, I guess.
It's almost like the defucker be cloud might have all of his points in crazy psychic.
This, this, this is, this is highly irregular.
Of course, I'll be spending.
There's the glory.
That's okay.
So, two more points.
Yeah, two more points.
Okay.
Hey.
I need one more.
Oh, and then I will wrath the remainder.
Sure.
Mm-hmm.
Ah!
Okay.
So.
I'm pine brain!
So, you fall to your knees and resist the compulsion to kill your allies.
Ooh, that was close.
I almost did that earlier, too.
And, like, up on the hill, the, like, the shaman, the shaman sort of, like, oh, well, they are a bit surprising.
They're weird.
Must be supported.
By, by others.
Look at that.
With such abilities to hold out against that monstrous thing.
Uh, Zedek, what are you doing?
Uh, Zedek will likewise rush out into the storm to try and clear out the mob.
Because clearly this big boy is, is our ticket to getting out of this path.
Yeah, so if I ran kind of, like, cut a path, you could probably reach the big boy.
Zedek will start running towards this open path as much as he can.
Okay.
Yeah, you could charge the big boy.
From where you are.
I would love to charge, but I will also die in close combat because I'm a squishy boy.
Coward.
Yeah, we've established this.
Hotstar GM!
Hotstar GM!
Yo, I got a hotstar GM in here!
Hotstar GM!
Attack me!
You're complaining to the GMs.
Okay, I'll call your bluff first, and I'll charge big boy.
Wow.
Okay.
Shit.
I was not expecting that.
No way that he could possibly be hostile, I'm sure.
No, of course.
I've targeted him to his death.
It's actually a pessimist.
I will attack you with the knife.
Okay, uh, before you do that, Reeb, can you give me a willpower test?
AHHHHH!
No, I don't think I will.
Oh.
Thanks, guy.
Okay.
Well, if you want to fail, that's fine.
No, I'm just not gonna, I'm just not gonna fail it.
Oh.
He makes a good point.
Hostile player? Shit!
I'm not complaining to you, dick.
I'm not complaining to you, dick.
Fuck!
I'm not!
You can take the rest of the glory, guys.
Yeah, that's fine.
Okay.
Alright, we have no glory now.
Okay.
Boom.
Hey, happy I got two.
Okay, I'm very happy.
Would you like to wrath that at all?
No!
Okay, would you roll me a ballistic skill check?
Sure!
Stinky.
I'm being hostile now.
You are going to be hostile.
Yes.
Oh god, he is hostile now.
Okay, will you roll the damage on your flaming sword?
We offered you the wrong god.
Flamer?
Motherfuck.
Flamer.
A flamer.
Flamer.
I mean, I probably should have just rolled the flamer.
That's fine.
Yeah, yeah.
You can just roll again.
That's fine.
It'll do the whole thing, but yeah.
Okay, so, Zedek, as you start running, Reeb turns kind of, like, against his will, raising
his flamer and, like, blasts a gout of fire at you.
Ah!
Reeb, you're a mess!
So, you're on fire, and take 11 damage.
Okay.
So, you're on fire, and take 11 damage.
Okay.
So, you're on fire, and take 11 damage.
Okay.
So, you're on fire, and take 11 damage.
Ooh.
Okay.
So, you're on fire, and take 11 points of damage.
Ooh, okay.
While you are on fire, do you continue — do you complete your charge towards this
big guy?
Yes, I do, because maybe I can also hit you on fire.
Absolutely.
Make me a charge attack, please.
Sure.
Where's the — gfft.
I've never – I've never charged anyone before.
Fuck.
I've never allowedove –
I'm so short of damage.
hit him absolutely like rush up and shoot point blank with the arc pistol yeah i was gonna i'm
gonna use the power saver oh do you want to use the power sword go ahead yeah go ahead and don't
forget to add plus one because uh dice because you're oh yeah babe yeah you'll still hit uh with
that okay yeah so you managed to slice slightly into the armor and like like do do do a flesh
room to this guy who just like looks down at you while you are on fire just look enough i don't
like hi how are you how are you doing all right all right all right he looks back at pie and reeb
who has set him on fire and just like shrugs but you know i could
you
you
okay uh-huh uh-huh i'm just one sec one sec dice are rolling dice are rolling uh he responds
um zedek you take uh 16 points of damage at ap minus two as the club comes around and smashes
into your chest am i allowed to sidestep this um he hit you uh with a nine
yeah i mean that's still a hit
it's yeah 16 minus two oh oh i would like to uh i'd like to determination that so i don't die
instantly absolutely determination
that's that's pretty good i mean yeah you kind of live on zedek i'm done zero shock and
so like there's just this smash
and like you feel your armor like buckle and break as you're still on fire uh meanwhile at this point
like more of these things are now swarming filling in the gaps surrounding pie brain
like reeb seems to to like have this glazed look in his eyes and we cut back up to the mountain
uh with the two spirit forms looking down at all of this as you can see your friends aren't doing
too well they need your help
i i mean i'm i'm helping them all i can but you could help them more you just need to accept me
gifts i give you all the power you need to stop him you have to be the one to stop the man
i don't believe that we can i don't believe we can stop what just has to be hard it's just
like one's still looking down a little bit just like yeah like come on
guys i'm going i'm going to like narratively declare like at this point like zedek falls down
from the fire before like even getting another hit off pie brain is just consumed by this horde of
beasts
what'll happen to me you'll learn everything no everything you need
what what else will happen to me
you'll do what you need to do to save your friends won't you
from last i heard from the other ones please from the green fellow you all hate to the to fuck with me as much as we do
aye that's right
he's a threat to our lives for sure
All of you, is he?
He's a threat to everything, he is.
What do you fear most about him?
He could end the game,
and we don't want the game to end.
What happens when the game ends?
And like, as you ask that, the lights go out.
You realize that there's complete darkness.
It's just you staring at this figure.
Everything stops.
Can I, uh, is there anything I can roll
to see if I believe that or not, wholeheartedly?
Um, absolutely.
What kind of, uh, what kind of skill?
Like, Insight would be a good one?
Yeah, yeah, Insight, yeah.
Yeah, sweet.
It's not very high, but yeah, I failed completely.
So you're, yeah, like,
Yeah, yeah, Insight, yeah. Yeah, sweet. It's not very high, but yeah, I failed completely. So you're, yeah, like,
he's, like, he's giving you this whole thing.
Like, he's giving you a fucking PowerPoint slide real time of, like, reality ending.
Lauren will look back at his friends,
which I assume they're all scrambling, trying to fucking, like, survive.
Oh, yeah, like, at this point, Piebrain is, like, like, completely, like, covered by a horde.
Zedek is, like, on the ground, like, like, still on fire
as this chieftain is raising up his immense club.
He just seems to, like, be, like, turning his flamer around against himself.
Holy fuck.
It's fine. It's Zinj. He does this.
She says as he does this.
I'm gonna turn to him...
and say that...
I want some terms.
What be your terms?
...What be your terms?
After I get rid of the fuckabee, it's over.
No more.
That's it. That's all you want, right?
That's it. No more after that.
If you stop his plans,
that can be arranged.
And Lauren will extend out his hand.
And, like, rather than reaching out a hand of his own,
he lowers down the black wood staff,
and the tri-claw, the, like, avian bird-like claw,
and the tri-claw, the, like, avian bird-like claw,
and the tri-claw, the, like, avian bird-like claw, grips your extended hand
and bites into your flesh,
and you feel your mind open,
and there's this exhalation,
and you're back in the village.
You're back in the village.
The black cloud in the distance is gone.
And, like, you realize that you've gone back to the moment
when you led your companions.
Like, you've led Zedek, you've led Reeb,
you've led Pybrain into the village.
For the first time, telling them they have to get ready.
But there's no cloud now. Everything has stopped.
You're simply there in the village.
And, like, for the rest of you,
it is as though none of that combat ever happened.
You've simply been dragged by Lauren to his village
with, like, worries of, like, war and death.
But instead, you come to this peacefully idyllic village.
Hey, folks.
And, like, the kids are smiling.
smiling, and, like, some of them seem to, like,
wave at you and run off and
play, others are, like, mending.
And at the far end of the village, like, up against
the base of the wall, is a cave.
Um, and in that
cave, you can see
the sort of, like, liminal space
beyond the strange webway.
But, uh, we came to
a completely normal village.
Yeah, I mean...
I don't know if that was
really weird here, but, uh, well, let's keep going.
And that's the exit?
Yeah.
I'm gonna look at Reeb.
I'm gonna look at Zedek.
I'm gonna look back at the
barn.
What did you do?
I...
You saw me. I beat it
back, right?
What did you do?
I...
What?
What do you mean? I won!
Zed, look!
I don't know what you won about! We walked into this village, and you said,
I'm not good at doing your voice.
But, you...
No, no, Pybrain, come, look, look, look.
It's, it's, it's, uh,
the villagers' armies. They saved
the village, look.
And, like, outside, yeah, you see their villager
warriors have come back and are, like,
putting swords to the wounded
of the enemy.
But nothing happened!
What do you mean?
Like, of course nothing happened. We just arrived, we're just...
Yeah, we just walked into one of the
bird guy's magic evil gimmick.
He's just making everything nice.
I don't know.
He sucks, I guess.
Lorne, you're full of shit!
What happened?
I think at this point, you gotta, like, roll insight
for some shit. It's like...
Give me an insight test.
Of course, of course.
My
insight is, as always, impeccable
and incredible. So was Lorne's.
I invested one
point to it.
I'll, uh, put a glory
into that.
That's three!
Um...
This seems, like, generally weird,
but, like, you're not suspicious of Lorne.
And then we gotta look around and see, like,
what's up with this place, Pyrene? It's like...
It's just, like, my army won,
the village is safe, everyone seems happy.
Like, I'm kinda confused, too. It's like,
why...
What are they gonna do?
Hmm... Well...
If it is not something that you have done,
then clearly your real trial has yet
to occur. Uh, we must, uh,
examine the villagers. Maybe
they are all secretly, uh,
uh, spiders, or
uh, something. I don't know. We don't have time
to go meddling with Lorne's memories.
We have to get moving.
Yeah, well,
if they didn't want to come and say hi, I guess they
don't know, had another soul to take.
Let's go.
And something is...
Weird. Lorne, you need to watch out.
There might be a trick that might not be the exit.
Now,
is it?
So what, are we going to remain in this frozen
hellhole for the rest of our days?
Well, we've tried to figure...
You told me! You all
told me the, the, the thing
that I should always use my brain
and not act thoughtlessly.
Well, we, we are acting thoughtlessly if we
just say, oh, well, this one was just a normal
hole in Fenris, lol.
The, the
question then becomes, Pi,
what exactly do
they gain if they all despise
the fuck of it from continuing to waste our
time?
Well, uh, probably that same thing
they would have gained from me killing
all of you.
One guy, that's cool.
The one, the one god who was
attempting to get you to turn into a wanton
murder machine, probably
isn't thinking terribly tactically.
Are you telling me that I got
the stupid one?
I'm not, I don't know
that for certain, but given
the fact that he was literally just offering
you a legion so you could go
and watch him... No, he was offering you guys legions.
I didn't, we don't
have need for, why would he bother offering
them to us? He knows we're not going to...
Danik, what are you doing during this?
No.
He's, he's
thinking he probably should intervene, but at this point
there's, it's, it's fucked.
Zedek is eating a crepe.
Hey, uh,
you're, Lord, you didn't tell me
crepes unfinished, you just...
Oh, yeah, that's great, sure, yeah,
why don't you have one?
Eat, eat the crepes,
pie. Eat the crepe.
I can't! I don't, I
can't eat. There is such a thing
as overthinking things. If we've
been spared this frustration,
I imagine we've been allowed to move
forward. Have we passed or failed
the test? It doesn't bloody matter.
Oh, there goes his father getting on his
fucking hot rod, asshole.
I wanted to shoot him
really fucking hard.
Yeah, let's just, yeah, don't worry, I got this.
Lord snaps his fingers and
just a lightning bolt just comes and just
boosh.
Yeah, it's just a Space Marine account.
It's like the really stupid attack trike
that, like, Space Marines get.
Oh, God, yes.
Oh, we've now realized
there's a Mario Kart track around the
village. Oh, my God, yes.
Okay, if there is nothing
else, then, and you are all in agreement,
then maybe I am simply being paranoid,
but don't forget, my
totally genius conspiracy was right
after all, and I have a good sense of these things,
so just watch yourself.
I have you to watch my
back, Pybrain.
Yes.
That Lord's gonna start
walling out. Yeah, so you
head towards the, like, the
cavernous entrance, which leads back to the
strange liminal space.
And, like,
like, Lorne, you kind of shepherd
everyone in, and they all go through
and it's like, you're sort of the last.
You turn around, like, one last time
to look at your village, happy,
and, like, clearly
not destroyed, your memory
somewhat adjusted
to compensate for this, but
in the far, far distance, you
see the small pinprick figure
of the shaman with the staff
standing on the distant hill.
And then
you turn and you walk out, returning
back into the
strange liminal space.
You walk out,
and all of you return back to the
psychedelic backgrounds,
the
bridge of nothingness
that you traverse, your
footsteps echoing and making no
sounds at the same time as you walk
through this place that shouldn't exist.
There's four of them. You said right,
Reeb? There's only four of them?
Four of them, four of us.
There's just some other one
floating around, malingering
somewhere else.
It's funny, that word
starts with mal.
Yeah, it's almost like I attended a...
What? What?
Oh, no. Everyone, now we need
to go through church's temptation.
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
The last temptation of the Christ.
The last temptation of the church.
It's like a giant fat rat. It's like, hey, kid,
you want to buy a cigar?
It's the great horned rat. Thank you.
You are now warped toadstool.
He's earned old.
He dies inside. Very good.
Yeah, you continue.
You continue on.
And it's like having some time
to discuss what you've
encountered.
I believe, yeah, you were mentioning that there were only four
and are like,
Reeb, you're like, yeah, four of them,
four of us.
Well,
let's continue this path.
I'm wondering where we're going to end up now.
Suffering awaits.
You know, it was probably a good idea for
that Eldar not to be here because, like,
we totally would have killed that Eldar by now.
I just, I just know it.
Oh, she would have found a way to deal with it.
Those poncy bastards figure something out.
No, I probably would have attacked her first
or maybe, like, you know,
we might have pushed her into the zombies
or, like, you know, there were things that
it probably was a good idea.
She did not come.
Either way.
Okay, you continue on.
And eventually
you, you see something
at the end of the area.
It appears to be
two sets
of wooden doors.
They have no handles,
but it looks like
they're sort of like in a box almost,
like there's a wooden edging around them
and then there's two of them that have flat
wooden surfaces at the end of the, uh,
the end of the strange street.
I believe this is where
our road ends, at least in this nightmare realm.
Good.
Finally tired of this.
Get out of this horrible, horrible place.
I feel like a better, worse,
I feel worse, I feel worse having them.
Yes, I think we all feel better.
You feel better about after all that point.
We've got some words.
Yeah, I feel pretty bad and, you know, like,
like I have a big, heavy headache.
Nice.
Maybe we should bond.
You already had them.
Let's, let's leave.
Virus bomb all of them.
No more squids.
No squids.
No squids.
Uh, but yeah, you have these sort of like these,
these two, these two, two wooden doorways.
I, uh, I guess I'll push the first one open.
I tried to.
Okay.
Uh, it pushes open.
Uh, and as you, you push,
some like force almost sucks you in
and it sucks all of you.
You find yourselves like tumbling over top of,
of one another.
Luckily Pi being first since he is made of metal.
Um,
you find you yourself like disgorged into a room
and you hear this like humming sound
and there is a massive slam behind you.
Um,
and Zedek,
you're the first to kind of look up from this as like,
you see your bed.
Oh,
it's,
are we, are we really,
are we back?
And like,
as you sort of stand up,
you,
you look back and you see the,
like the slammed shut frame of your closet.
Have we,
have we been in the closet the whole time?
Well,
I'm glad that you can now,
you know,
experience your journey.
Zedek,
now that you are out.
Yes, we're all here to support you.
Yes, we're very happy for you.
We're all here for you.
I hear you authentically from here on out.
For goodness sake.
For goodness sake.
Just where are we?
Get it.
I,
we're back on the ship.
Oh,
then be damn quiet then.
We're not supposed to be here.
Remember?
Wait,
there's only one way to know if this is really the ship.
I'm going to,
uh,
walk into,
uh,
Zedek's medicine cabinet.
Mm-hmm.
Uh,
uh,
spending a point of wrath.
I probably left some like radium pistol rounds somewhere around in the medicine cabinet.
Jeez.
Uh,
are they,
are they still there?
Yeah,
absolutely.
Okay.
Yeah.
They,
these were here.
They're very radioactive.
So like,
as this is going on,
I assume like Reeb,
uh,
you kind of like have,
have the,
the tenacity to look around and like notice the,
the viewing port that looks out and you can see the planet outside the viewing port.
Uh,
where are we?
It,
it is.
Give me a scholar check actually.
Well,
fucking boy.
Here we go.
Oh boy.
Scholar.
Throw.
I'll give you a seven.
Yeah.
Uh,
you look out to see there is a single dead world floating outside and you recognize it from the reports you've read everything you've memorized.
It is the dead far world of Fimbria five.
Oh,
I was gonna be like,
ah,
dead world.
Oh,
we're at Terra.
No,
no,
no.
Uh,
it is,
it is Fimbria five,
the planet at the absolute far,
far edge of the system.
Gentlemen,
we appear to be in orbit around Fimbria five.
Cover the,
and as you look down at it,
you can see something catches your eye momentarily,
some kind of line cutting through the planet,
like a,
a almost vibrant neon green glow.
And then another line.
And suddenly you're seeing,
large swaths of the planet begin to glow with this green color.
And that is where we are going to end today's session.
Wow.
We did it.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Nothing bad ever happens to the Warhams party.
Yeah.
Paisley Griffin.
So with that,
I'd like to say,
thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you,
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
This has been this one for today.
Thank you to the one potential,
one who almost got taken over by corn.
Osketai,
Ranger,
and tech priest.
Yes.
I brain,
played by me Speaker D.
I am on Twitter at Super Snake Kick.
I'm on YouTube,
but Oh God,
I don't post anything there.
And now everything is changed a different and,
ah!
So yes.
Thank you all for being here and sharing.
And Mr.
Oh,
amazing.
awesome medic
inquisitorial acolyte
It's Reed Van Horn
played by
Erndilio
you can meet me at
Twitter at
Erndilio
and literally
nowhere else
I have been
Zorn the Bear
playing Lorne
the sanctioned
psyker
and our
amazing
and absolutely
respected
captain
or rogue
trader
of the debt
collector
That's me
playing the
illustrious
Captain Zedek
I'm Hulky Crow
you can find me
on Twitter
at Hulky Crow
on Zorn's
Discord
and the same
name as well
as on the
Warhams community
Discord server
which I'm sure
there's a link
floating around
somewhere
but you can
follow that
hang out with
me and the
other cast members
we do fun stuff
it's a great
community
stop on by
it's very fun
and thank you
again Mr. Thurston
Hillman
our game master
for this session
for doing another
or telling another
amazing story today
thank you
and thank y'all
for going through
this
player
psychology
based episode
where we dug up
all of our old sins
and talked through them
we gotta have these
talks before we get
into the end game
I'm excited
you can find me
on all the things
add on called
GM
the Twitter
is where I do
stuff sometimes
and then
check my Twitch
I might actually
be streaming stuff
in the
coming weeks
cause I got some
stuff I gotta do
so I figure
I might as well
do it with an audience
woo
okay that's me
yay
alright with that
everybody
let us go ahead
and switch it over
and thank everybody
who has been
supporting us
I do like to say
thank everybody
who's been supporting
the Twitch side of things
thank everybody
who's been
helping us on the
Patreon side of things
we'll see if the text
here wants to work
come on
you can do it
I believe
you can do it
just do the thing
okay it broke
fair enough
there it is
it just took it a while
but yeah
but thank you everybody
who's been supporting us
on Patreon
thank you everybody
for coming back
to the streams
and stuff like that
that's been
it's been incredibly helpful
it's good to know
that people still
want to come over
and say hi to us
even with all the turmoil
and everything
that's been going on
with the
Warhammer side of things
and everything
and I'm sure
we all
definitely
like to say
thank you for supporting us
when you can
once we finish up
the story
we hope you guys
can continue to
join us
and everything else
so
as we have the
Patreon
thing roll
thank you
yeah
thank all of you
hopefully we'll have
news soon
on like
what our mad plans are
yeah
stay tuned
to our social medias
to our Discord
and everything else
if you go on my Discord
I'll also have a link
to the Warhams community
one in there
so you can have
all your Zoran goodness
and also
all of the
Warhams goodness
as well
in there
we'll be putting out
a post fairly soon
basically detailing
our roadmap
for the future
so you all know
what the hell
is coming in the future
and all the stuff
that we're working on
the back end stuff
so
thank you chat
we'll see you all
next time
remember to visit
warhams.tv
for the schedule
so you know
when the next episodes are
see you next time
good bye
goodbye
bye
bye
to the sky
he is coming
with the clouds
no he's not
oh fuck
I was wrong
so good
bye
goodbye
everyone
eat
bye
bye
bye
everyone
see you guys
next week
and make it
out
in one
day
and be out
of your
fave
yeah
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye
bye